Confessions From A True Fuck-Up

Saturday

It is 12:45 on a saturday.

You know the feeling of doing something you are not supposed to. You know the feeling of just rebelling. But not against a rule set by someone else. Against yourself. Going against everything you ever thought was right. Doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Thats how I feel. When I texted him. I knew I shouldnt have. But i couldnt help it. We may never be the picture perfect disney couple but we are me and him. Him and I. We are a team. Ive been missing him actually. We havent talked for a really long time but then i remember why i called it off. Every single night. But then I remember how bad i felt when I did. Thats what I mean, the wrong thing for the right reason.
Or is it the right thing for the right reason?
Right thing for wrong reason?
I dont know.
All i know is that I love him. Im always gonna love him. Am I on love with him? I dont know. But do I love and adore him no.
I recently told me friend if you love someone you shouldnt have to try to. It should be there naturally. I dont know if its there naturally. Is it?
Maybe I'm just being one big hypocrite but with all the good things going on so far in my life. I juat want one more? Is that selfish maybe? Is it wrong? Who knows? But do I want to? Do I want him? Hell yes.

Goodnight my lovies. XOXO