Confessions From A True Fuck-Up

sorry buds

***so this chapter is really long and depressing and Im super sorry.******

There are so many things I wish I could say to you. But I guess Im gonna start with I miss you. I miss when we would sit on your bed together and watch Big Mouth. I miss how you would make me laugh over stupid things. I miss how you would stay up with me until all hours of the night because my best friend was asleep. I miss how you would randomly buy me things just because  you thought I would like it. I miss how you always stood up for me. I miss how you always trusted me. I miss how you would just hug me and kiss me if you knew I was sad. I miss you. And im sorry. Im sorry that I was such a terrible girlfriend. Im sorry about how I never trusted you, im sorry about how I would always choose everybody else over our relationship. Im sorry about how I never listened to you. Im sorry about how I never stood up for you.
I sorry about being so wrapped up in myself. Im sorry for making everything about me. Im sorry for being a bitch. Im sorry for making your life hard. Im sorry for being the worst person ever. Im so sorry.
You were, are and always will be. The best person ever. You were the best possible boyfriend. Not because you had money. Not because you were hot. Not because of any of that. Because you were you. And being around you, make me so fucking happy.
Being around you made me feel like I was a queen. And any girl is so lucky to have you.
I was so lucky to have you. Its funny because I didnt deserve it. You always said I did. But I didnt. I didnt deserve you. I still dont. Because Im still me. Im sorry for holding you back. Im sorry for still clinging on to you even though I know your happy. Im sorry for breaking your heart. Im sorry for ignoring you. Im sorry for never making time for us. Im sorry for being me. For being me around you. Because you to be honest, you were perfect and I made problems. And im so fucking sorry. I just really hope one day you forgive me. And know that Im here for you always. And that even though we arent together. I love you.
I really do and I always will.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
You are so perfect and so strong and im glad you found someone who appreciates you.

So this is me. Saying goodbye. To you.
This is me. Moving on.
This is me letting go of the past.
This is me. Leaving.
This is me, saving you.
Saving you from me.
Because thats how much you mean to me.