Confessions From A True Fuck-Up

Re evaluation and life.

"If im not all you need, then just let me be, im down on my knees, tonight" BeBe Rexha

So. I started therapy. Yay! Not. The court ordered I do it. One of the question the lady asked me today was, "have you ever had a boyfriend."
So I said yes.
"How many" she asks. Being like nosy as hell.
So I tell her. And you know what this bitch tells me, she goes. "Have you ever thought that in order to make up for the attention your mom never gave you, you use males attention instead."
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Crying. Anybody who knows me knows, i prefer to not be noticed. That was comical. But, she did asks me something. She asked if I was currently on a relationship. I didnt have an answer.

Life is so confusing. How you can have someone that is so nice and caring and sweet to you one second and then a total asshole the next. Someone who listens to your problems but then doesnt hear ANYTHING u fucking say, and THEN has the nerve to call you talking about some I shouldnt be mad because I dont really listen  to him anyway. Who tf says? I listen to everyone. All of my friends. Its crazy, i mean he says, "im his  best friend" "he loves me" "im like a sister." "He thinks he loves me as more?" "He knows he doesnt but he does."

WTF am I supposed to do with that? Thats right, nothing. There is nothing I can do. But then he has the nerve to talk about some he is never confusing and Im the one confusing him. Like bitch, tf? The fuck. And it had me thinking,

"Is chick right? Why do I surround myself with people who dont give a damn about me? Who confuse me? Who hurt my feelings. Do I just like the attention? Am I just as unstable as my mother? God I hope not. Do I like knowing I can get people?"
Jesus Christ. I hope Im not some attention whore, but I dont know. I wish that I could just know how I feel. How he feels. That I could read his mind. But I cant. How he loves me then he doesnt. How Im everything to him but nothing to him. God I hate him so fucking much. But i can let go of him. I dont really know why. Maybe I do. Idk.

I hate life. 😭😭😭😭

Anyway, signing off the binge read DBH. ✌ bitches.