Confessions From A True Fuck-Up

Why do I even care?

How do you I'm breathing, when Im holding my breath?
Why don't we face the danger, just for the night and forget.
Baby, lets just forget.
Remind me why we're taking a break, its obviously insane, cause we both what we want, so why don't we fall in love. Baby lets fall in love.
Cause everytime Im with you, I go into a zone, and i remember all the places you wamna go. Take me all the way.
-Touch It, Ariana Grande

My friend told me something today. She was talking about how she puts so much into her relationships. Then she asked me, "isnt it frustrating when you put all your time and energy into someone who doesn't do the same?"
To which, I realized, I never had.
I've never took the time to figure out what other people were feeling and what they did for me.
My ex boyfriend, I dont even really know what he did and didnt like. And i realized it because i didnt care. I didnt ask. And I didnt care. Does that make me terrible person? Maybe. He was always going to by me stuff and do this and that for me, but I never did that for him. I barely even had the time to talk to him. Im soo terrible. Really. I am.

I am not saying, that I want to get back together with him. Because I dont. We always ended up fighting anyway. Its not like he was the best boyfriend. He got me stuff sure. But he didnt ask if I was sad. Or if I had a good day. I guess he didnt care either. So, If i didnt care and he didnt care. Why am I mad about it. Why do I wish shit went down soo differently. I dont know. I wish I did. But I dont. I want to apologize and say sorry. But I know I shouldnt. He has a girlfriend now. And he is fine. And i know that i should leave that alone. But i dont know if i can. I should be able to. But I cant.

Because I still.... 

I still like him.

I really, fucking like him.