Heartbreaks that changed my life

Broken Again

Hi there. How are you doing?? Hope you are doing fine!!!... Thank you for reading the previous episode. If you have not read it or directly entered here from the news feed or notifications please make sure that you go back and read the previous episodes also.

This is the most expected and requested episode of the entire book. Those who knew this story before it could come here in episodal format were very eager from the beginning to see me convey this through my book. And I am telling you, I might use harsh words. But that is only for the episode and not to hurt anyone's feelings. Not even Anitha or Aparna. This is a lengthy episode. Please don't quit from the middle. At least for me.

We all know how the previous episode ended with a new entry called Aparna a.k.a Appu. But before going to Aparna, let's get back to Anitha. This is something that I could not mention in the previous episodes.

Four years without her live presence felt like forty years. Very few understand how that feels. All those moments when I had to turn back to my God and shout back " You are being unfair to me. All that I asked her was to just meet for one hour. But you denied it. This is seriously not right Mr. God... " It is not easy to spend four years in prayers and hopes that someday you will get what you want or meet someone whom you have been waiting for so long. When anything can happen in a matter of minutes, why not four years??? Even though I knew of this already I did not lose faith or hope that someday we had to meet or my prayers would be answered. I agree that I was out of patience and filled with anger on both Mr.God as well as Anitha. But even I had to keep it all aside and think from both of their point of views. Why is Mr.God not answering my prayers or why is she giving excuses to meet me??? Did I deserve something better??? Or don't I deserve her in my life??? Was that the end of us??? Or is she facing some issue to go out of home??? Maybe like every parent in the world even her parents are worried or concerned very much to send her out on weekends!!!! I even put myself to confusions and thoughts whether she is feeling insecure of my company. So be it!! Almost close enough to stop asking her the same "let's meet na". I wanted to give up. Even I wanted to be in a happy relationship like all my friends were. There is an entire list of people who made me really jealous of their relationships. I could not do anything. I only cried and cried whenever she said "no da we can't meet" or "someday else we will meet" and that "someday" never came. I did not tell anyone that I was in such pain. The only one who knew all my sadness and tears was that empty park next to home where I still continue to spend my solitude. The soft invisible winds were the only response to my sadness. But somewhere in the deep corners of my heart, I felt it like a little life handing out a shoulder to cry on. This is my personal suggestion to you that if you are broken down and want to spend some time in peace, go to an empty open park and try to get lost or get connected with the evening breeze, you will really find the peace of a moment. I spent four complete years like this in pain...

Meanwhile trying to adjust with whatever life was giving me. I started developing emotions for Aparna. But it was limited only to the college and not out of it. They were only friendly emotions and not more than friendship. So helpless and confused I was trying to hold on to Anitha. But I did not know that whatever I was trying to do would go shatteringly waste. I gave up fighting with my feelings and then I proposed my love to her once again and I did not expect that it would be rejected.

" I know that you are in love with me. But I don't believe in love and all. You see, things won't work out between us. I don't have such feelings for you and It would be good for both of us if you go and search for someone better than me "

After this, everything in life came down shattering like glass. In an emotional sense, I wanted to look back at the flow of events that brought me up till the point of heartache. At first the issue regarding tagging her on fb. I used to tag her in many fb posts. One evening I was in my office working under heavy pressure. I got a whatsapp message from her saying that she wanted to speak some thing very important. She said this and kept me waiting for two hours. On top of handling work load pressure, I was even tensed as she said she wanted to speak something important. After I logged out of the office, I was struggling on the streets to catch a bus and go home. I was getting very late and on top of that I get to know that me tagging her on fb is not good and it is irritating her. She added that I was the only one who was tagging her and she is not feeling good. Wow!!! My head blew in anger for a minute. I had to deal with a day full of office pressure, work loads of hectic college assignments, struggle to get a bus at 10:50pm and finally she adds ghee to the burning pyre saying don't tag me in fb posts. How should I respond back??? It hurt very badly when she said to not tag her. I could not show her my anger or sadness; for my entire day had gone worse. You know what was even more worse. When I could not tag her in fb posts, I came across many posts which reminded of her. But no!!! I could not....