Heartbreaks that changed my life

The Last Letters : L01

Hi everyone. Welcome to this episode. I don't know how to give an intro to this episode. I don't know how to go on further. I am kind of out of words. I agree that I gave all sort of stupid spoilers on my instagram stories and whatsapp status saying this would be the last episode. But no, I am sorry for that because as part of the work, it is not possible to feed in everything at one shot. This episode itself was edited and re-edited almost four to five times in a row. So ok, enough of technical talk and let me directly head to the episode.

Ok where was I ?? Ya of course, I am almost done with everything in life. Right now this is me struggling with a broken career. I don't have any more relationships to keep. I have lost the interest to live this life. I am solely responsible for everything that has happened in my life. Life feels like everything has got over with no reason left and no purpose to live. So, to all the great and small people in my life, I cannot face you people, face to face. Hence I have come up to the idea of penning down my emotions in the form of some letters which I really want you all to read completely...

So where shall we start?? Oh yess!!! Back to the source from where I originated!!! My parents.... They say that after God Almighty the next gods that you have in your life are your parents. It takes time to understand that they are the living Gods whom life has bestowed us with... But what do we do?? When these Gods (I mean my parents) run out of resources and blessings, we become stubborn and start to hate them. And when I say hate them, we don't just hate them. We hate them with etc etc curses and regrets for a lifetime or till some big miracle happens in life where we forget what happened with us. They say that children without parents are the ones who know what it means to not have a parent or simply let's say the know the value of parents far better than us the ones who have parents. What we take time to realize is that it doesn't matter how our parents are, they just have all that natural love and care with them till they die. A simple fact that only some of us will understand is that they sometimes have to hide all these love and care just because we have to grow up and know that we should not depend upon that love and care for everything that we want. Sometimes it happens that they do so much for us with the intention that we must not know how much and what all they have been through. The amount of love, care, struggle, pain, hardships, blood, sweat and all that infinity qualities a parent possesses for a child is beyond words and feelings irrespective of where and how they come from, be it a normal casual talk or the words through which speeches and writings can describe them. I am no big guy or any all listening or all obeying child to them but somewhere I myself am out of words and thinking how can I describe and dedicate a letter to them...

Dear Mom, Dear Dad... First of all, I am extremely sorry that I could not be the Robin that you were trying to make or you are trying to make. I agree that each and everything is my fault and I am not fixing anything and I don't want to fix anything. But there is a silly but strong reason for that. I am tired. I am tired of listening to your advises. I am tired of the way you are trying to make me do what I don't want to. I agree that our financial situation is getting worse and worse, day by day and it is the only reason that you are not able to give me whatever I have asked. I agree that you are struggling every day to make our future well secured and bright. I even agree that I am not understanding all of that pain that you are going through. Getting education is not in the hands of every child or every student. And when it is given, it has to be taken rightfully and made productive use of, irrespective of however it is. This is what you tell me when I say I am not interested in what I am made to study. I know that it is too late to realize that I put you both to shame in front of the entire world. It is my mistake that I broke and and even now I am breaking all the hopes that you have on me regarding my education. Every time you give me a chance to mend my mistake, I agree that I am not putting in myself to fix what I have to. I have become the bad son. I may never change from the monster that I have become to the good son that you have brought up. I don't know whether I will be able to bring back all the good name that I once used to. But it hurts & pains to hurt you and make you suffer like this. I don't have the guts to tell all these at your face. I don't know how I am typing all these words. It gets emotional and heavy to open up all my feelings to you at once. I know that these words won't change anything or bridge the gap between us. But I want you to know that I would be trying something at least to rectify my mistakes. I want you to know that your son is no less than anyone to whom ever you are comparing to or expecting to be. I want you to know that someday at a big place or some event, in my absence I would make you feel proud, make you feel that at least there was something good that I have done. I would not tell you how I would do it all. But I would. You know what, you people are the best blessings God has ever given me. If not for you, I would not be alive, I would not be what I am trying to be. And the best part is that you are such wonderful people who have taught me that I am not the only person on this planet to have a heart that can break. I was too late to realize that even my parents are humans with feelings and love. And I was a bastard, stubborn brat who did not even take the smallest effort to understand all that. I broke your heart but kept on complaining that you broke mine by taking away my career. So what?? Now it's my time and high time that I fix what I have broken. And I would not stop till I can.... I cannot go more than this... I am really sorry for whatever I have done and whatever I will be doing with you. May God really punish me for this hideous act!!!..

Ufff!!! That was really a hectic letter. More than hectic, it was kind of seriously emotional to bring out my entire heart into it.... I have been getting feedback from many people saying that I am writing too much of lengthy episodes which cannot be continuously read in one go and when someone takes a break from the episode, they loose the interest of reading the book. My sincere apologies for that. I guess I have come up with a solution for that. So what I have decided is that I will split the episodes into parts as I did with Mixed feelings and Crush crushed series... I would not reveal as to how many letters I am writing or for whom all I am writing all these letters. But I would write on....

So as I come to the end of the episode, I would only say a few words. Mom and Dad, my heartfelt apologies and thanks for everything. If I am hurting anyone else through my words, I am sorry for that also... I thank each and every reader who would take his or her sincere time to read whatever I have written. Dear readers thank you so much for everything. And as usual the episodes would continue on... For feedback, comments and suggestions please feel free to do so.. Till then thank you and God bless... Peace...