Separated Love

Chapter 2: 2 Years

It has been 2 years without Kartik. 2 years living without the person who used to be the center of my world. However, I refuse to let this void in my heart bring me down. I have decided that I will establish my own name as Naira Singhania. I will start studying at a college and indulge myself in making my own career. Today is my first day of class. Should I tell people that I'm actually married? Well, if it comes up I'm not gonna lie. I have no shame in the fact that I am separated from a person that couldn't understand who I am. A person that would think so lowly of me, and didn't once think to reach out to see if I was okay. Today is going to be a fresh start. I will only be known as Naira because my surname doesn't define me.

***

I'm walking around campus to my new class. I am so nervous but also so excited. I'm going to be around people that are driven to become something in life. As I walk down the path to my class, the sun casts a shadow on the pavement as if it were leading me in to my new journey. Before entering class, I take a moment to close my eyes and just bask in the glory of this day. I can smell the fragrance of the flowers sitting on the window sill just making this day even more beautiful than I could imagine. I open my eyes and realize a guy is looking at me like I'm weird. Quickly I look down and start walking towards my seat. I take out my book, notebook, and a pencil for class. As I'm reaching into my backpack to put away my cellphone I hear a man walk in and say, "Okay class, my name is Professor Kartik Goenka. I will be teaching you this semester."
My heart immediately starts racing at the sound of his voice. I can feel it pounding against my chest. Very slowly I look up, and in an instant our eyes lock. My breathing is becoming rapid as I struggle to calm down. It's as if everything stills in that moment around us, and it's just us two - gazing into each other's eyes. He looks like he has matured. A hint of pain laced in those once innocent eyes. He looks just as startled as I do. I don't know what to say or do. I had dreamt of this moment a million times, and now that it is finally here, all I can do is look into his eyes and stay paralyzed.
"Sir, are we going to start class or are you just going to keep wandering off into space," a random kid from my class yells making everyone laugh. I quickly look away - breaking free from a moment that felt like it lasted an eternity. Kartik recollects his composure and says, "You keep this up, and I'll make sure you're out of this college before your career even starts." The kid who once yelled instantly stops laughing and looks down.
I am absolutely shocked at the way Kartik just reacted. He would never be so rude to anyone like that before. What has happened to him?
"Let's set a couple ground rules right now. You do not speak unless you are called on. The only discussions that will be allowed in this class are ones pertaining to the material. If you use your cellphone in this class, you can just leave because if your attention isn't here, you shouldn't be here either. I expect full attendance from everyone. If you miss more than 3 days, you will get an automatic fail. Now, if everyone understands this, should we start with Business Management lecture 1?" Kartik says all of this trying to avoid any sort of eye contact with me. I can't find it within myself to look at him either. I'm so amazed at the man who is standing in front of me. This isn't the Kartik I know - or once knew.
As Kartik is lecturing, I can't help but think about our entire journey. There was never a moment where I couldn't get myself to look at him. There was never so much silence between us. We are here together after 2 years, but I've never felt further away from him. I'm waiting for this lecture to end so I can go home and never look back. This day that was supposed to be the first day of my new journey has brought me right back to the man who made my world stop spinning.  As I continue to think, I realize everyone around me is packing up their stuff. Class has ended and I don't think I heard a single thing that he said. I start packing my stuff into my bag, stealing a couple of glances at him. He is packing up his stuff too when I notice he's doing the same. Every so often we make eye contact and quickly look away. I can't handle this anymore. I throw everything into my bag and decide to quickly walk out. As I'm leaving, a guy accidentally shoves me, and I'm about to fall when I feel his arms around me.
I'm in Kartik's arms again. These arms that were once my home. I'm holding onto his shoulders with my hands as his arms are wrapped around my waist. We both look into each other's eyes and once again, everything stills around us. Kartik I missed you so much. I want to get the words out of my mouth when I remember how he told me to leave his family and his life. I can't. I quickly stand up, releasing myself from his arms. It instantly becomes awkward around us.
"Thanks Kartik," I say once again trying to look away from him. I can feel him looking at me, but I can't get myself to acknowledge it.
"Naira, I'm always going to save you from any troubles that come your way no matter where life takes us. Unfortunately, I can't say you'd do the same for me." He says this, and then walks out of the classroom. I'm completely shocked by what he just said. He wanted me out of his life, and now he's accusing me of leaving him? As if I wasn't dying to be there for Kartik that day when Shubham's body was being carried out for the last rites. How could he paint me to be such an awful person? This is where the problem lies. He just doesn't understand me. He never gives me a chance to explain myself. He thinks that his perception of the truth is always right. He says something that hurts me, and never turns back to give me a chance to say something in return.
I leave the class and see that the sun is no longer out. The sky has turned completely grey and it looks like the weather is about to get really bad. I start making my way towards the main road when I feel a couple droplets of water on my arms, and within seconds it starts pouring. As if right on cue, my eyes begin to do the same. What starts off as a light cry turns into me bawling my eyes out in the middle of a road. There are cars honking at me left and right, but I could not care right now. I'm thinking back to what just happened moments ago and the tears begin to stream down my face faster. How could he say that I wouldn't be there to save him from his troubles? How could he throw me out of his life so easily? It's as if I'm the only one being tortured by this pain. Just then I heard a really loud horn from a truck, and someone grabs my arm and pulls me out of the way.
"NAIRA! ARE YOU CRAZY?" It's Kartik. "Do you not have any care for your own safety? Do you know what could have just happened to you Naira?" He pulls me into an embrace and holds me tight. I don't know how to react. My heart is telling me to hug him back, but my mind is telling me that there are too many flaws in this relationship for me to go back now. He grabs my shoulders, pulls me away from him, and looks straight into my eyes. I can tell that he has been crying too. There are tears streaming down his face as well. Oh my god he is going through the same pain I am. "Naira, how many times have I told you that you need to think about your safety as well? Do you know how many people would be hurt if something happened to you?" I think back to when he saved me from that bulldozer hitting me as I tried to save mama's dance academy. Except then he told me that he would be hurt if something happened to me. "Come. Come in my car. I will drop you off home."
"No. I don't need your help. I can get home by myself." As much as I love and miss Kartik, I can't forgive him for the way he has treated me. I refuse to lean on him again.
"Naira, stop being stubborn. The weather is bad and you need to get home."
"Kartik, I've learned to live independently. I don't need your help."
"Naira. I'm well aware of how independent you are. I don't care. Get in the car or I will walk you home. Either way I'm not leaving you alone in this weather."
"Fine. Then follow me all you want because I refuse to take your help and get into that car." I know I am sounding childish, but I need to do this for my own self-respect. He can't just tell me one day to leave, and then march back into my life acting like my husband again. I make my way down the road, starting to realize that maybe it is too dangerous to walk outside right now. It's starting to flood in the streets. Kartik is flaming in anger but has not left my side. He is dutifully following me to ensure that I'm safe. God what if he gets sick walking in this rain for so long. Home is usually 20 minutes away from here, but today it seems like it's gonna take an hour. "Kartik, please go in your car you'll get sick. You know you can't handle being in the rain for too long without getting a cold." He seems surprised with the fact that I care for him.
"Naira, let's also not forget how easily you get sick as well. Remember?" I think back to when we danced to Tip Tip Barsa Paani, and how I instantly started sneezing after being wet for so long. A small trace of a smile starts to develop on my face. Kartik specially woke me up that night and did so much drama to guilt me into dancing on that song for him. Seeing the amusement on my face, Kartik starts to smile a bit too.
"Kartik."
"Naira." He says imitating my voice. We both smile even more. I missed this.
"Fine we can go in your car, but from the looks of it, it doesn't look like we are going to make it too far." There is so much traffic built up from the rain that cars are barely moving. I see Kartik looking around the streets, wondering what he is trying to find.
"There!" He points to a random shed. "Let's go in there and wait for the rain to stop. Once it stops raining, I can take us home...I mean drop you off to your home." I decide to agree to this and we both make our way to the shed. In the shed we find some wood that Kartik starts a flame with. I sit down next to the fire, shivering and trying to warm myself up. Both Kartik and I are drenched from the rain. Kartik sits on the opposite side of the flames, away from me. I can still sense him watching me. He gets up and starts to look around the small shed.
"What are you looking for, Kartik?"
"This." He finds clothes in the shed. Probably from whoever was here last. "Naira, you should change into some dry clothes. I can tell you're really cold and I don't want you to get sick."
"But Kartik-"
"Please Naira. Just listen to me once. You always do what you want, but I am begging you to just change so you don't get sick." I decide to listen to him. He's right. I will get sick.
"Okay, I will change if you promise to change as well Kartik." He nods at me. We both take our clothes and then we realize there isn't really a spot for us to change. We both look down - I'm sure thinking the same thing.
"I'll turn around Naira. You go ahead and get changed and tell me when you're done. Once you're done, I'll change as well." I tell him okay, and start to change. I am feeling so shy right now. It's not like we haven't seen each other before, but then again, it's been 2 years since we've been together. I quickly change and tell him I'm done. I'm wearing a yellow sari. Oh the irony. Kartik turns around, and I know he is checking me out and trying to be discreet.
"Okay my turn," Kartik says. I sit down near the flame, close my eyes, and put my hands over them. However, just then I feel that something went into my eye and I quickly open it. When I open my eyes, I see Kartik without his shirt on. Kartik catches me looking at him.
"I'm sorry! There's just something in my eye." He starts making his way over to me without saying anything. He looks absolutely breathtaking. He leans down in front of me, and blows at my eye. I can't think straight anymore. Without even realizing it, I put my hand on his face and run my thumb along his jawline. He closes his eyes and says my name. I close my eyes as well completely enamored in him. All of a sudden the thunder makes me jump, and I realize what I'm doing. I quickly move back and turn away from him. Kartik apologizes and moves away.
"No this was my fault. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." I wait a little bit, my heart still racing from what just occurred. Then Kartik says it's fine and to turn around because he is done changing. We both sit on opposite sides of the flame. Saying nothing to each other. I'm so tired, and slowly my eyes begin to close. I know I'm going to fall asleep and for the first time in a while, I find peace in the fact that when I wake up, Kartik will be with me.