By A Thread (Sodapop Curtis)

I.

"He had this sparkle that never left his eyes."

The bite of cool steel against my skin was bliss, sending my emotions spiraling into a state of silence. My worries slipped away, and it was just me, my blade, and my blood dripping into the bath tub like a spool of twine.

Words had always been dear to me, but it was nice to have them all depart to a different place. Like the ones my mother spoke to me, ripping my heart out piece by piece. Or the Socs words, digging into me like shards of glass. But this time was different. This time, I didn't care what the Socs or my mother had said, I just wanted my memory of Angelo gone.

I'd found him eating some other girls face at the Dingo earlier that day. I didn't know her, but she had been pretty. Prettier than I would ever be. My boyfriend had always gone soft for a pretty face.

This time though, I wasn't going back to him. He would never love me as much as he loved sleeping around with any girl he laid eyes on. I was tired of it. So, so tired.

My vision blurred with tears, I stood up to wash my blade off in the sink. I'd only cut three times that day, but it was enough to make me forget. The cuts throbbed as I bandaged them and shrugged on my jeans jacket, but it drowned out all the pain I felt inside my chest.

It never lasted long, even though I wished it lasted forever. My mind was blank, but the silence was fading. I needed to get out of the house before everything came flooding back. I just needed to get out.

I tucked my blade into the back pocket of my jeans where it rested in waits for my next break down. I made my way out to our family car. My mom was asleep in her room from her night shift at a small diner on the other side of town, so as long as I was home before 11:00 with it, she didn't care.

I put the keys in the ignition and pulled out of the driveway. I just wanted to go for a drive. It didn't matter where, as long as I was doing something.

Driving through my neighborhood was depressing but peaceful. Where I lived, the scenery was filled with tightly packed, dilapidated houses. It was a rough place, but nice all the same. Generally, us greasers weren't as bad as people cracked us up to be.

I drove through main street and out into the more rural areas of town where the grass was tall and dry, the housing sparce. It was quiet and I enjoyed it, allowing myself to forget the days activities.

The sun was beginning to set and I decided it was time to be heading back, although that was the last thing I wanted. I'd always felt trapped in the city of Tulsa, bound to people who didn't care about me. Bound to people I wasn't willing to give up anyway.