To Belong | Protector 5.25

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

       I really hated going to school even though I was going with my foster family, and they had a lot more of their extended family going to school with them. That just made things a lot worse, to be honest. They had known each other their whole lives and I just suddenly popped out of nowhere.

       During lunch, the whole Prince family sat together at one of the tables and I did join them but that was only because I didn't know the school well enough to find a quiet place to sit. They were all trying to make me feel welcomed but it didn't really help. There were a lot of inside jokes I didn't understand.

       So today, I decided to find somewhere else to eat lunch. It took me a long time to find a place because there were students in almost every corner of the school. In the end, I found a place outside to eat.

       It really was the best place for me to eat since not too many people were outside and I wasn't really in the mood to be around too many people. In fact, I was even tempted to just skip the rest of the school day but I was still new to this area of Miami. I wouldn't know where to go.

       And I didn't even want to get in trouble with Nolan and Jerome for some reason. Ever since I was put into foster care, I developed a knack for getting in trouble but it seemed to have gone down a bit ever since being fostered by Nolan and Jerome.

       Only a bit though. The knack was still there.

       While I was eating my lunch, I saw Cerise walking over to me before sitting down beside me. "Here you are," she said. "Why aren't you sitting with the rest of us?"

       "I just didn't feel like being around too many people right now," I said. 

       "Well, then that might be a good thing you're out here right now," Cerise said. "Zayden is too busy whining about his love life. Like always."

       "I feel bad for not knowing this but which one is Zayden?" I asked. "He's one of the twins, right?"

       "Yes, he's the one without glasses," Cerise said. "Rhys is the one with glasses and he's dating Echo. You can tell who they are since they're the only couple sitting at the table acting all lovey dovey. Anyway, Zayden has a girlfriend but she goes to Julliard and she has a performance this week, and he's unable to make it to New York so he's been whining about it. And then everyone is whining about his whining so long story short, you made the smart choice to eat out here instead. So are you feeling okay?"

       I sighed. "A bit, yeah. There's just..." I stopped myself, not really knowing if I should continue. I never talked to anyone about my feelings before. Not any of my foster parents, my foster siblings, or even my social worker. Definitely not him. 

       I didn't even know if I wanted to say anything because I had been so used to keeping everything bottled up inside of me until it got too much. But whenever it did, I turned my focus to something else to take my mind off of it. Normally, whatever I turned my focus to ended up getting me in trouble.

       And I did want to cut back on that. I didn't want to be transferred to a new foster home but to do that, I had to stay out of trouble.

       So talking about my emotions might actually help, even if I didn't say every single thing on my mind. That, I knew I definitely couldn't do.

       "There are these moments in my life where I kind of feel like... shutting myself out," I said to Cerise. "I don't know why it happens but when it does, I don't like being around anyone. Or at least too many people if I don't have the choice to completely isolate myself. Those moments come and go."

       "Sounds like Dad to me," Cerise said. "He has those moments too. They were really bad when he was young but now, it doesn't happen too often."

       "Really?" I asked.

       "Yeah, he mentally struggles a lot," Cerise said. "I don't but I do know it can be hard to talk about it at times. If you ever do need someone to talk to, he's the best person. He might not feel exactly what you do but it does sound similar enough to help you through it."

       And now I knew the reason Nolan was so easy on me when I got into the fight on my first day at the school. I didn't know he was struggling mentally but knowing that might help me in the future. Even though I didn't have the courage to talk to anyone about it. At all.

       If I ever did gain that courage, Nolan would be there for me and that was exactly what I needed in a foster parent.

       "Do you mind me asking exactly what he's struggling with?" I asked. "I know it's not your place to tell but..."

       "Oh, don't worry about it, he would be fine with you knowing since he is fostering you," Cerise said. "There's quite a few things, actually. There's his anxiety and then his adjustment disorder that rooted from his anxiety. And then there's his depression. His comes and goes."

       Sounds very familiar.

       "You know, I've been moved around a lot in my life," I said. "And I've gotten so use to thinking I'm never actually going to be in a home where I belong but... I don't know, there's just something about your parents. It's like they actually care."

       "They do," Cerise said. "My parents care about you so much, Arjun. We all do. You're part of our family now."

       Even though I did feel a lot of joy when Cerise said I was part of their family, I also felt a bit of despair. I really was doing so well here but things never lasted for me. When something good was happening in my life, it wasn't long before the bad took over.

       I was just waiting for it to take over again.

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love and support my baby arjun. <3

i need to work on this more to love and support arjun.

but as for now, i shall go to bed because i have to wake up early (at like 9 lol) to register for my classes next school term. but it's all online so i can go back to sleep after. that's if my siblings aren't loud. my two youngest siblings decided to play right outside of my bedroom door this morning.