To Belong | Protector 5.25

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

       Every time I was placed into a new foster home or a group home, I did something that jeopardized everything. Normally, it was because I felt too constricted there and my foster parents already decided I was hopeless. Other times, I admit, I had no reason to jeopardize it, yet I did.

       I thought this was going to be different. I really did. I didn't see any reason for me to do anything that would get Nolan and Jerome mad at me. 

       So why did I make this stupid mistake when I knew it was wrong?

       As I walked up to the front door, I pulled my phone out of pocket to check the time. Two in the morning. On a school night. If I got caught, I was in a lot of trouble.

       However, if I was really quiet, there was a chance I wouldn't get caught. This was a huge house after all. Maybe from everyone else's bedrooms, they wouldn't hear the door open and close.

       I took my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the door before gingerly opening the door. The lights were already off, meaning everyone was probably upstairs sleeping. That didn't stop me from closing and locking the door as quietly as I could.

       As I made my way to the stairs, I really thought I was going to get away with staying out so late.

       I didn't.

       Right as I was about to place my foot on the first step of the stairs, the lights turned on. I sighed and turned around, seeing both Jerome and Nolan standing nearby. "Hey!" I said with my best smile as I tried playing this off which I knew wasn't going to work but I might as well try. "What are you doing up at this hour?"

       Jerome raised an eyebrow. "What are we doing at this hour? What are you doing coming home at this hour? It's not even one hour after your curfew. It's four hours. Four!"

       From what I had seen and been told, Jerome always seemed like to loose parent. I mean, he let Kingsley go to England and didn't seem to care about it. But now, I was seeing the complete opposite.

       I honestly had no idea how I was going to get out of this one or even explain what I was doing out so late so I gave them the best excuse I could muster. 

       "I lost track of time," I said.

       "You... lost track of time?" Jerome repeated. "Are you serious? So where you were then? What place could be so interesting that you lost track of time?"

       "The... library," I said. 

       "The library closes at ten," Nolan said. "Arjun, we just want to know where you were. I promise you won't get in trouble."

       "Uh, he was out until two in the morning on a school night," Jerome said. "He's getting in trouble either way. But his punishment might be lighter depending on if he tells us where he was."

       I really should have just stayed home. I knew this was going to happen. I knew if I got caught, I would just ruin every chance I had at staying here for a long time but... I couldn't help it. I never could. It was almost like I had the need to get into trouble. Like deep down, I wanted to.

       And I didn't know how to stop it.

       "Well?" Jerome asked. "Are you going to say anything?"

       "Can't we talk about this in the morning?" I asked.

       "Yeah, whatever," Jerome said. "But you do know this means you're not allowed to leave the house after school for a week, right?" He then headed up the stairs without another word.

       I thought Nolan was going to follow Jerome but he didn't. Instead, he just gestured for the two of us to sit on the couch and I hesitated before doing so. I really hoped I wasn't going to get a lecture right now because I was too tired to deal with all of it.

       Yes, it was my fault for staying out so late but I still didn't want a lecture.

       "I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to be one-hundred percent honest," Nolan said. "Were you drinking?"

       I furrowed my eyebrows, feeling confused by the question. "What?"

       "I have a strong sense of smell," Nolan said. "I could smell the alcohol."

       I was still confused until I played back the night in my mind. "Oh, no. Someone accidentally spilled their drink on me. I swear, that's all it was. I may do a lot of... worrisome things but I promise, I've never drank before and I don't plan on it."

       Alcohol was a huge cause of me ending up in the foster system and although my life was a complete mess, I could never turn to the one thing that caused all this in the first place. I wanted to be the bigger person that way.

       "Okay, but that does mean you were somewhere that had alcohol," Nolan said. "So where were you?"

        I sighed. "At a nightclub."

       "A nightclub?" Nolan repeated. "How on earth did you get into one? You're fifteen."

       "A fifteen year old who was been all around the city," I said. "I know my way into and around things. And to answer the question I know you're going to ask next, I don't know why I went there. I didn't even want to go there. I just... I don't know."

       "Is there something that made you not want to be in the house?" Nolan asked.

       "No," I said. "Definitely not. I like it here, I really do. This is the best foster home I've ever been in. I really don't know why I went there. I don't know why I stayed out until two in the morning when I knew I was going to get in trouble. I just wanted to."

       "You want to stay out late?"

       "No, I wanted to get in trouble."

       "Why?"

       "Because..." I couldn't even answer. I didn't know what the answer was. I just placed my face in my hands. "I don't even know what's going on through my mind at times."

       "Arjun, we all love having you here," Nolan said. "But getting in trouble isn't going to help you at all. Jerome and I would never send you away, no matter what you do but sometimes, a foster child moving away is out of the foster parents' control. You might do something that although doesn't bother me and Jerome, it might set off your social worker and want to send you somewhere else."

      "You really don't want me to leave?" I asked.

       "Of course I don't," Nolan said. "Now you should be heading off to bed since you do have school in the morning. Just know that if you ever need to talk about something, I'm here."

       I nodded and got up off of the couch before heading upstairs to my bedroom. Once I got inside and closed the door, I slid onto the floor, closing my eyes as I rested my head back against the door. Why was I like this? Why did I feel like ruining the chance of happiness I had of living here even though I genuinely wanted to stay?

       Why did I feel like I wanted to ruin it and be taken away from the one place I belonged?

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i want nolan to be my dad (even though nolan is basically book me)(so do i want me to be my own dad?????)

the answer to that: yes

anyway it is also almost two in the morning here (not really, it's 1:19) and i have school in the morning so i should get to bed as well okay bye