school of bangtan | bts crackfic

film class

"hi. my name is kim namjoon, and i'm the leader of bangtan s-"

"leader?" a voice questions out of the frame of the camera.

"shut up. and let me talk." namjoon scowls.

"i'm the leader of bangtan because of my looks." seokjin pops his head into the camera and pouts his lips out. namjoon shoves his head down out of the camera. he looks back at the camera and smiles as if nothing happened.

"as i was saying-"

"FIREU FIREU AHHHHHHH!" jhope skitters across the screen.

"what the hell do you mean, fire? i'm interviewing here!"

"BITCH COME BACK HERE I AINT DONE WITH YOU." yoongi sprints after him with his lighter lit. namjoon looks at the camera in awe before jimin walks in and sits next to him.

"what do you want now?"

"hi. my name is park jimin and i'm the only normal one here." he smiles.

"what? i've been the most calm and civil person here!"

tae calmly ducks down and crawls under the cameras. he manages to cause something off the counter to fall. namjoon and jimin pause and look at him. he smiles awkwardly and boxy. they continue.

"do calm and civil people watch porn in the library on SCHOOL computers?"

"do normal people need to retake p.e exams??"

"fuck you."

"oooo bad word from jiminie? that's new."

tae finds a skateboard and tries to skate himself to the other side. he enjoys the ride until his wheel hits the cable to the ring light and cuts it out.

"CUT! how come we can't do one thing without fighting!" jungkook yells from behind the camera.

"i can't work with him." jimin complains.

"this is a project not a job." namjoon mocks. screams from hoseok and yoongi continue.

"MAKEUP?! WHERES MAKEUP!! MY INTERVIEW IS ON IN FIVE!" seokjin yells out.

"we don't have a makeup crew, smart one." jimin tells him.

"we also didn't get to finish my interview." namjoon scowls.

"ok get back into your places..." jimin and namjoon push and shove each other for the interview seat. "...namjoon." jimin pouts and walks away.

"anddddddd ACTION."

"my favorite song by bts, has to be cypher part 3"

"MINE TOO!"

"shut up tae."

"sorry."

"so yea. that's it. bye." he pulls out a fortune cookie from his pocket and shoves it in his mouth. he walks off the set.

"namjoon...the paper." seokjin whispers. joon chucks a thumbs up and continues his day.

jimin sits down in front of the camera, crosses his legs, then smiles.

"hello there. my name is park jimin."

"hi jimin!" hoseok yells from across the room, hair in flames.

"hi hoseok." jimin rolls his eyes "my favorite song from bts, is lie. i don't know why but it just gets to me."

"awesome. you done?" jungkook questions.

"shut up. add me on insta @chimchimpark send me some hate. i don't care because 'hey gordon? IM NOT AFRAI-'" he gets interrupted by a push off the chair, face planting.

"wassup. it's ya boy min yoongi."

"what the hel-"

"get out park pinkie." jimin walks off the set sadly.

"so i'm kind of a genius."

"you only need to answer one question. get to it." seokjin hurries. yoongi grunts.

"my favorite bts song's gotta be.... agustd."

"that's a song by agustd." jungkook corrects.

"yea i know." he gets up and walks off set.

"next is, ho-"

"IM YOUR HOPE IM YOUR ANGEL"

"yea. you."

"hi!! i'm jung hoseok! you can call me hobi or sunshine, or j hope, or-"

"continue hoseok." jungkook yawns.

"my favorite song is, spRING DAY." everyone jumps to his scream.

"why?" yoongi asks.

"because i sing."

"no. why'd you fucking scream?"

"meanie" hoseok frowns and walks off set. the next person walks onto the set and sits down. they're legs cross and they flip their invisible hair.

"hello. i'm kim seokjin, or worldwide handsome."

"what is your favorite bts song?" jungkook asks from behind the camera.

"probably run. i like dancing to that song when i win awards."

everyone looks at him in confusion.

"ha...ok. next interviewer." jungkook asks awkwardly.

"hello. my name is kim taehyung. call me tae." he smiles brightly.

"so tae, what's your favorite bts song?"

"i like show me your bba se."

"that's not a bts song." yoongi looks at him disgusted.

"but it's my favorite." he replies, saddened.

"just edit that out." namjoon whispers over jungkooks shoulder. he nods quickly.

"next i guess, is me." jungkook says. "namjoon, take the camera." he sits down on the interviewing chair and smiles.

"hi. my name is jeon jungkook, golden maknae of bt- NAMJOON NO!!"

the camera falls to the ground shattering into a thousand pieces.

————————————————

"A C?!?!" jimin screams at the report. "WE GOT A C?!"

"i guess it's because of the low content." namjoon replies.

"maybe it's because you broke a school camera."

"shut up, tae."

"maybe it's because i didn't have enough screen time."

"shut up, jin."

"maybe it's because i didn't curse enough."

"shut up, yoongi."

"maybe it's just because-"

"NO. THERES NO BECAUSE. WHEN MY MOM SEES THIS IM GETTING MY ASS BEAT." jimin yells.

"hey can i help her do that?"

"fuck you, yoongi."