(That night. JEREMY and MICHAEL hang out in Jeremy's room, playing video games.)
"Two Player Game"
BOTH
FIND THE BAD GUY, PUSH HIM ASIDE, THEN MOVE ON FORWARD WITH YA
FRIEND AT YOUR SIDE
IT'S A TWO PLAYER GAME, SO WHEN THEY MAKE AN ATTACK
YOU KNOW YA GOTTA BROTHER GONNA HAVE YA BACK
THEN YA STAY ON TRACK, AND- AH!- REMAIN ON COURSE
IF THEY GIVE YA SMACK YA- GAH!- USE YOUR FORCE
IF YOU LEAVE YOUR BROTHER BEHIND ITS LAME
CUZ IT'S AN EFFED UP WORLD BUT IT'S A TWO-PLAYER GAME, HEY!
JEREMY
So? What do you think?
MICHAEL
He's scamming you. He's scamming you super weirdly.
JEREMY
What if he's not? This could be huge! All I need to do is give the guy who torments me six...hundred...he's totally scamming me. . I'm doomed to be a loser 'til the end of the world. No, probably then too.
MICHAEL
No way.
DUDE, YOU ARE COOLER THAN A VINTAGE CASSETTE
IT'S JUST THAT NO ONE ELSE BUT ME THINKS THAT YET
YOU'RE JUST A NOTHING IN THE HIGH SCHOOL SCHEME
BUT IT'S NO BIG, CUZ YOU AND I ARE A TEAM
WE LIKE
OUT OF PRINT GAMES
RETRO SKATES
I GOT A PAC MAN TATOO
NOBODY HERE APPRECIATES
BUT SOON WE'LL BE TOGETHER WHERE THEY DO
CUZ GUYS LIKE US ARE COOL IN COLLEGE
COOL IN COLLEGE, THIS I KNOW
GUYS LIKE US ARE COOL IN COLLEGE
WE RULE IN COLLEGE
LISTEN, BRO
HIGH SCHOOL IS HELL
BUT WE NAVIGATE IT WELL
CUZ WHAT WE DO
IS WE MAKE IT A TWO-PLAYER GAME
ZOMBIE!
WATCH OUT!
AAH!
WAH!
JEREMY
AS LOSERS WE HAVE FOUGHT TOGETHER FOR YEARS
BOTH NINTENDO ZOMBIES AND OUR POPULAR PEERS
NOW WE'RE STUCK ON A LEVEL AND I WANT TO MOVE ON
MICHAEL
JUST WAIT TWO YEARS WHEREUPON
YOU'LL RELIZE GUYS LIKE US ARE
BOTH
COOL IN COLLEGE
COOL IN COLLEGE
WON'T BE LAME
JEREMY
DUDE, I KNOW,I GET IT
BOTH
GUYS LIKE US ARE COOL IN COLLEGE
JEREMY
BUT WE'RE NOT IN COLLEGE
MICHAEL
ALL THE SAME
HIGH SCHOOL WHACK
BUT WE HAVE EACH OTHER'S BACK
IT'S ME AND YOU
BOTH
WE'VE MADE IT A TWO-PLAYER GAME
AGH!
OH!
ZOMBIE!
JEREMY'S DAD
(Knocks) Hello?
JEREMY AND MICHAEL
BLOOD!
JEREMY'S DAD
Son?
JEREMY AND MICHAEL
CLAWS?
JEREMY'S DAD
Jeremy?
JEREMY AND MICHAEL
PAUSE
(JEREMY'S DAD appears in the door.)
JEREMY
AAH! Dad! Pants!
JEREMY'S DAD
Is that a girl? Are you in here with a girl? Oh. Hi Michael.
MICHAEL
Hey, Mr. Heere.
JEREMY'S DAD
I was going to order pizza. If there's something you boys want—
JEREMY
Did you get dressed today? Like at all?
JEREMY'S DAD
Oh... They didn't need me at the office. So I worked from home.
JEREMY
Most people wear pants at home.
JEREMY'S DAD
That's why most people...aren't your father. (beat) Good talk.
(He exits. Michael recognizes the awkwardness of the moment.)
MICHAEL
How is he doing?
JEREMY
How does it look?
MICHAEL
You heard from her
JEREMY
No. And who cares? It's like, Mom moved on, why can't he?
MICHAEL
Hey—
JEREMY
I don't want that to be my future! Rich said his hook-up's at the Payless, what if we go there ourselves? Just to see if his story checks out?
MICHAEL
And if it does? Will you be too cool for... video games?
JEREMY
No way.
YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON
THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T STILL DREAM
MICHAEL
(Making fun of him)
IS IT REALLY TRUE? I'M YOUR FAVORITE PERSON?!
JEREMY
WE'RE NEVER NOT GONNA BE A TEAM
HIGH SCHOOL IS 5#17
AND YOU GOTTA HELP ME CONQUER IT
IT'S JUST WHAT WE DO
BOTH
WE MAKE IT A TWO PLAYER GAME
FIND THE BAD GUY, PUSH HIM ASIDE
THEN MOVE ON FORWARD WITH YA FRIEND AT YOUR SIDE
IT'S A TWO PLAYER GAME, SO WHEN THEY MAKE AN ATTACK
YOU KNOW YA GOTTA BROTHER GONNA HAVE YA BACK
THEN YA STAY ON TRACK, AND- AH!- REMAIN ON COURSE
IF THEY GIVE YA SMACK YA- GAH!- USE YOUR FORCE
IF YOU LEAVE YOUR BROTHER BEHIND IT'S LAME
CUZ IT'S AN EFFED UP WORLD BUT IT'S A TWO-PLAYER GAME, HEY!
TWO PLAYER GAME
TWO PLAYER GAME
HEY
(By the end of the song, they have landed at...)
