we all know about this "suggestive" scene
....................................................................................................................................................................................................
(JEREMY follows CHLOE into an upstairs bedroom.)
CHLOE
Jake's parents' room. Don't worry. They're not using it.
JEREMY
You really know your way around.
CHLOE
Yeah, I've had $3* in pretty much every room in this house. (off JEREMY's shock) Because I dated Jake! God, what kind of $|u7 do you think I am?
(CHLOE raises her baby bottle. And chugs from it.)
JEREMY
Where's Brooke?
CHLOE
Oh my god you are too freaking adorable. (drunk whisper) Brooke's not coming.
JEREMY
She's not? Then why...
"Do You Wanna Hang"
CHLOE
DO YOU WANNA HANG?
DO YOU WANNA HANG?
DO YOU WANNA HANG FOR A BIT?
JUST YOU AND ME
INTIMATELY
TALKING ABOUT ALL OF OUR FEELINGS AND $#17
DO YOU WANNA GET
DO YOU WANNA GET
DO YOU WANNA GET REALLY DEEP?
WE COULD CONNECT
IF I GET WRECKED
YOU COULD ROCK THIS BABY FAST ASLEEP
JEREMY
I have to go. (Beat.) I can't stand up.
THE SQUIP
You're welcome.
CHLOE
I don't know why she's so crazy about you. You're not that cute. No offense.
JEREMY
None taken. I should get back—
CHLOE
You know she's not that innocent. That wounded puppy routine? It's how she gets all the guys. Acts all helpless so they want to protect her. Not that I care.
(Beat. It dawns on JEREMY...)
JEREMY
You're jealous of Brooke!
CHLOE
Um. Obviously I'm not.
JEREMY
That's insane! Why would you be jealous of anyone? You're the hottest girl in school! (Beat.) Did I just say that out—
(Suddenly, CHLOE kisses him. Jeremy tries pulling away.)
JEREMY
Whoa, whoa! (to the SQUIP) Make it stop!
THE SQUIP
I don't understand the request.
CHLOE
DO YOU WANNA STOP?
DO YOU WANNA STOP?
DO YOU WANNA STOP BEING COY?
DO YOU WANNA GET
DO YOU WANNA GET
DO YOU WANNA GET INSIDE MY DIAPER, BOY?
(She hands him the bottle.)
It's not actually milk.
JEREMY
Oh...I'm not really a big— (The SQUIP forces JEREMY to drink.) Drinker!
(The SQUIP makes JEREMY kiss CHLOE. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door.)
BROOKE (Off-Stage)
Jeremy? Are you in there? (CHLOE gestures: Shh.) Jenna Rolan said she saw you go upstairs. Jeremy?
(Pause. Finally BROOKE goes away. JEREMY exhales.)
JEREMY
If Jenna Rolan saw us...
CHLOE
Jenna Rolan should mind her own business.
JEREMY
Brooke's going to find out. Don't you care?
CHLOE
You're less cute when you're talking.
JEREMY
(to the Squip) Help me out here!
THE SQUIP
[speaking Japanese] Konichiwa!
JEREMY
What?
THE SQUIP
I'm sorry, Jeremy. Alcohol temporarily scrambles my [Japanese].
JEREMY
Then why did you make me drink it?!?
THE SQUIP
It was important you take advantage of the [Japanese]. You'll thank me [Japanese]. [A lot more Japanese.]
CHLOE
Whatever, I've had enough—
(A POUNDING on the door.)
JAKE (Off-Stage)
JEREMY HEERE?
CHLOE
Ooh, the fun begins.
JEREMY
Is that...Jake?
JAKE (Off-Stage)
Jeremy, I know you're not having $3* on my parent's bed, because if you were, I'd have to rip your 84||$ off!
CHLOE
GREAT, THEN YOU CAN BOTH BE 84||-LESS!
(Beat.)
JAKE (Off-Stage)
...CHLOE?
(The doorknob rattles as JAKE tries to get in. When he can't open the door, he begins throwing himself at it. THUD. THUD. THUD.)
CHLOE
HEAR THAT? I'M HAVING HOT $3* WITH JEREMY ALL OVER YOUR PARENTS' LINENS!
JEREMY
(quickly) No we're not, I swear we're not!
(Long pause.)
...Maybe he believed me and went away.
(A fist SMASHES through the window.)
THE SQUIP
Kei-koku, kei-koku. ["Warning, warning" in Japanese]
(As JAKE pulls himself into view, CHLOE straddles the now-shirtless JEREMY.)
JAKE
You're /u€k1ng dead, Jeremy!
CHLOE
Go away, we're busy SCREWING!
(JEREMY pries himself away from CHLOE and runs to the door. He opens it to discover BROOKE.)
BROOKE
Jeremy?
JEREMY
Brooke!
(He stands frozen for a beat. Then JAKE makes it through the window.)
JAKE
Jeremy!
JEREMY
(to BROOKE) I'm sorry.
(JEREMY pushes BROOKE aside, and runs down the hall, as JAKE chases.)
JAKE
I'll kill you, Jeremy! Oh man, I shouldn't have drank so much Peach Schnapps.
