(...and finally deposits him outside the school.)
JEREMY
What was that about?
THE SQUIP
I'm sorry, but that girl does not see you as relationship material.
JEREMY
I know! That's why I got you!
THE SQUIP
And you're sure you want her? There are many females at this school. I'm accessing footage from the girl's volleyball practice. It's very impressive.
JEREMY
I want Christine.
THE SQUIP
You're sure about that? (JEREMY holds firm) Very well.
JEREMY
So how can I get her?
THE SQUIP
You can't.
JEREMY
What?
THE SQUIP
...Yet. Becoming the kind of man who can impress Christine requires more than working out a few bugs. You're going to need to reboot your reputation. Supercharge your social standing. You need to upgrade.
JEREMY
Huh?
THE SQUIP
You need to get popular. Tear ducts activate.
(Suddenly JEREMY starts sobbing uncontrollably. BROOKE enters.)
BROOKE
Jeremy! I've been looking for you.
JEREMY
(through tears) I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying.
BROOKE
I do.
JEREMY
You do?
BROOKE
And I totally understand. They're saying it was a freak hockey accident.
JEREMY
What are you talking about?
BROOKE
Oh my god, you don't know! Eminem's dead!
JEREMY
Eminem's dead!?
BROOKE
I mean, I was never into him because he was like super old and kinda mean to women, but I know you liked him so...
(She continues talking as JEREMY turns to his SQUIP.)
JEREMY
Did you know this was going to happen?
THE SQUIP
Of course not.
JEREMY
So it's a coincidence you told me to wear this shirt?
THE SQUIP
Of course not.
JEREMY
Wait, what? Did you kill Eminem?!?
THE SQUIP
Nooooo...t exactly. My quantum processor allows me to envision probable futures. While I did not know that, today, Eminem would be impaled by that rogue hockey stick, I was aware of the probability of a...favorable outcome.
JEREMY
Favorable for WHO??
(Suddenly, BROOKE is touching JEREMY.)
BROOKE
It's okay, Jeremy. You don't have to be alone right now.
THE SQUIP
You need to get popular, here's a popular girl who likes you. You need to go where she leads.
(BROOKE leads JEREMY away.)
BROOKE
This is my favorite place behind the school.
"Upgrade"
BROOKE
BEING HERE
WITH YOU RIGHT NOW
OUR FUTURE IS SO CLEAR
OUR UNION IS SO NEAR
