His Mortal(Loki x reader)

Chapter 43

The last few day Loki hasn't even made an appearance out of his room. I wonder if he's still as angry as he was before. All I've been doing is spending my time with George and to trying to give Loki his space. I figured George could distract me from my mind on being so worried for Loki.
I never even figured out what I had done wrong. At first I believed he was angry about the fact that i had brought George into his room without permission, but the more I pondered on that I came to the conclusion that it wasn't that because he was already angry before he even entered the room. It couldn't have been that. I've spent all that time blaming myself, that I hadn't even considered the possibility that it wasn't me at all. I hadn't even thought that all his anger was targeted at something else. For all I knew, it was me. Why else would he be so harsh towards me? I clearly did something wrong.
George and I were making our way to the dining hall for breakfast. I was hoping Loki would join us today, seeing as how he hasn't stepped foot out of his room. It wasn't as if he needed to eat... it was for my own peace of mind that I wanted his presence near me. I just wanted to at least see his face and make sure he was okay. Of course, once we entered the dining hall that, at this time, was filled with many soldiers, servants, and friends alike, there was still no sign of Loki. I suppose that was expected at this point.
I sighed and made my way to find any spot that I could amongst the large crowd of rowdy people. This bunch seemed especially lively and hyperactive this morning. I assume this is the blonde prince's doing. He always seemed to make any type of setting a party. These all do seem to be his type of people. To say the least, I want necessarily in a party mood. I just wanted to eat breakfast, leave, and go about my business.
After weaving through countless people, and losing George on the way, I finally found a spot in a corner where I could be by myself and eat peacefully. Getting a spot at the main table was out of the question. It was much too crowded and rowdy, so I quickly gathered some food and set myself down on the floor in the corner using a crate box as a makeshift table for my food. I sat on my knees comfortably as i began to eat, listening to the different nearby conversations around me.
I know Loki would hate to be in this type of setting, but I know Thor would only try and force him to have a good time to no avail, of course. It just wasn't in Loki's nature. Speaking of which... I didnt see Thor anywhere either. Usually he would be the life of the party, so not seeing his boastful presence in the direct center of this chaos seems odd.
I looked around to see if I could spot Thor. It proved difficult trying to look around all of the different types of people, but I eventually did spot him seated at the main table. He, however, wasn't acting as his usual self. He was just.... sitting there... seemingly caught in his own mind. He seemed troubled actually. Volstagg and Fandral were standing beside him with their arms around his shoulders. They were trying to get him to liven up and join the fun of the early party, but Thor seemed to be completely ignoring them, lost in his own thoughts. I watched him carefully. He sat there at the table with hands clasped together and pressed firmly against his mouth. His gaze was hard and distant as it stared straight ahead, not looking at anything in particular. His current behavior, very different than his usual carefree attitude. First Loki... and now Thor. Something must truly be troubling them. I watched as Thor sighed and waved off his friends. He clearly didn't care about the party at all and wanted to be somewhere else at the moment. He stood up from his spot at the table and excused himself, despite his friends protests. Feeling my heart ache for the god, I felt the need to go over to him and comfort him... or at least ask him what was wrong.
I got up from my spot on the floor and went to follow Thor out of the dining hall, completely abandoning my barely touched food. I weave through the people before emerging on the other side of the crowd. I sigh in relief as I pat my clothes down and readjust myself before finally pushing the doors open to leave the dining hall. I look to both sides down the hall before narrowly spotting Thor turning a corner. I quickly pick up my pace into a slight jog to try and catch up.
"Thor!" I called out to him. He stops his stride and turns to me confused.
"Oh... Hello, (y/n)." He says giving a small smile and seeming to try and force politeness.
"Hello, Thor." I say taking a deep breath as I stop in front of him.
"What can I do for you, my friend?" He says not even trying to make light conversation as he usually does. He is just straight to the point.
"Oh... I just... I noticed you were feeling down and I wanted to see if you were okay. Is there anything I can do to help?" I say shyly clasping my hands together.
Thor gives a forced breathy chuckle and looks to the floor for a moment. He slightly shakes his head. "Ah...you are as sharp as ever, but.... no. There is nothing that you can do." He starts to walk again.
"May I ask what has happened?" I follow.
"You do not know?" He asks looking my way with furrowed eyebrows. I shake my head.
"Odd... I would have expected Loki to inform you of the situation." He  hums in thought.
I sigh sadly and Thor looks my way.
"What is wrong, (y/n)? Have I said something?" He asks.
"No no... it's not you. It's Loki..." I say looking to the ground as I walked.
Thor looks at me expectantly. "You are worried for him?"
"Of course I am... he... hasn't been in the best of moods lately." I say gently thinking back to him snapping at me.
"Yes... I'm aware. And rightfully so I might say." He sighs as he turns his gaze back forward.
"I don't understand. What had I done wrong?" I ask myself aloud.
"You? You believe you did something wrong?" Thor asks confused. I nod. "Why do you believe that?"
"Well... the first day he came back to his room so angry. He started yelling at me and he forced me out of his room." I sigh sadly again. "He even used magic to push me away and destroy his room."
Thor closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He pinched the bridge of his nose and the ran his hand across his face in frustration. He stopped his walking and turned to me placing a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. Loki... Loki shouldn't have done such a thing to you."
"It's alright..."
"No. It is not. Do not defend my brother's behavior."
"You said he was rightfully angry. If I figure out what I have done then perhaps-"
"You have done nothing. Loki's anger is not with you."
"It isn't?" I ask surprised.
He shakes his head. "No."
"Then... who?" I ask him.
"His anger is with our mother and father... and with me." He say frowning deeply.
"What have you done?" I ask cautiously.
"I have done nothing. It is only my association that makes him angry." He starts to walk once more. We made our way outside.
"I don't understand." I say shaking my head. "You are confusing me."
"Mother and father have told Loki and I some... upsetting news and Loki is taking it very difficultly." By the way Thor was speaking, he seemed uncertain on whether he should be telling me or not.
"May I ask what they said to you both?" I say hesitant. He stays silent for a few moments and at this point I figured I had stepped over a personal boundary. I was prying too much.
"I-I'm sorry. I did not mean to invade so much of your privacy. I am just worried for him... and you as well. Loki... I love him... and you are a very close friend to me." I stop him by grabbing onto his upper arm. He turns to me and I hug him. "I hate to see you both in so much pain." He gives a small smile and hugs me back gently.
"You have a good soul and a strong heart, (y/n). Thank you." He says softly. We didn't know that a certain black haired God was observing us from his window radiating with anger and jealousy.
"You're welcome. I will be here anytime you need me." I say smiling up at him. I release him and we began walking again. We walked in silence. He had one hand on my back leading me along. We both just enjoyed our surroundings. It seems this is one of those rare times Thor is stopping and reflecting. He's appreciating the moment. Whatever the news his parents told him was, it seems to have him thinking deeply on things.
"(Y/n)..." he says finally speaking up.
"Yes?" I ask looking up at him.
"Perhaps you could help Loki though this difficult time." He says not even looking at me.
"I can't if he won't let me." I say. He ponders this for a moment. "Besides... what can I do?"
"This situation Loki is in... is somewhat similar to one you have been in." He says.
"Oh?" I tilt my head to the side.
He nods. "Yes."
"Well... what is it?" I ask him.
He takes a deep breath and sighs. "The day Loki and I have received this news, Loki was planning on meeting with our father to discuss some things on becoming king. He wanted to know how it would be if you became his queen..." he glances at me to see my reaction.
I nod. "Yes. I know. He told me he was going to discuss that with his father."
"Well... after a long discussion, father told him that he could not become king. That it was impossible." Thor sighs.
"What? Why? How is it impossible all of a sudden?" I ask confused.
"I was confused as well. That is when mother had told us that Loki.... was adopted." Thor seemed particularly disturbed by this. Whether it was for his or his brother's sake, I was unsure.
"A... adopted?" I also felt disturbed. A wave a familiar and nostalgic sorrow washing over me.
"Yes." He says simply.
"So... you are not his family..." I say looking down.
"No."
"Who is?"
"We do not know. Father says that he was found in frost giant territory. He believes he is a descendant of one of them." Thor says crossing his arms.
"Arent you enemies with the frost giants?" I ask.
"As of right now we have a temporary truce, but yes. We do remain enemies." Thor says, his muscles tense.
My body feels rigid and my hands are stiff. I can already feel the hurt that Loki must be feeling. The pain and betrayal he must hold. It must be overwhelming. Then a thought occurs to me.
"If your mother and father knew that he was adopted, then why did they have him believe he was ever going to be king? From what I've gathered, Loki never had a chance to be king." I say already feeling a bit frustrated myself.
"I... I do not know..." Thor says feeling a bit guilty himself.
"Thor, Loki has been trying to prove himself as king almost his entire life. Not to mention your parents have held it over his head every time they want to say what's kingly or not. Now telling him it was never a possibility, is actually very insulting. It's no wonder he's so angry. It's already hard finding out your family isn't yours, but now to feel like you've been mocked your entire life by the very same people? That could be just soul crushing. It's almost like they never cared for his perspective at all." To say I'm a little frustrated would be an understatement. I could feel how the odds were unfairly stacked against Loki from the beginning. From the years I've spent with Loki... I've gotten to know his life. He's told me stories from when he was young and I've personally seen how his role is in the present. Loki has always been different and treated so. He was a quiet and independent child. Thor being a loud and arrogant young man. Loki had remained in his brother's shadow for years and even in adulthood it still seems to remain that way. Thor has so many friends. Loki seems to have a superficial bittersweet relationship with Thor's closest friends, but none to call his own. He only seems to have me. The people who he could really only say stuck by him was his family... and now it seems his entire reality has flipped itself over like a turtle on it's back.
"I understand. This whole thing is, to say the least, surprising to me as well. My whole life I have only known Loki to be my brother. Now... I do not know."  Thor shows signs of his own conflicting thoughts.
"Thor, you can still treat him as such." I tell him. "Though I am adopted, I still call George my brother, because to me he has always been my brother. He treated me like his sibling. We fought like siblings. We stood up for each other like siblings, so to me that is what we are. Blood relation or not. George is my brother. If you continue to treat Loki like your brother then he will remain your brother."
He listens to my words carefully. "You are wise beyond your years, (y/n), but let me ask you this..."
I listen expectantly.
"What if Loki doesn't think the same? What if now things are different?... Loki and I have always been together and I would risk my life and die for Loki. I am confident that I still feel just as close to him as before, but... what I'm trying to say is..." he was hesitant, thinking of a way to put his words together. "What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if Loki doesn't want to be my brother? "
This question actually took me by surprise. I always thought on the perspective of how the person whom was adopted felt. I never actually thought about how the family possibly might feel in relation to how the adopted is taking the news. I never took into consideration on how Thor might feel about this news. Only Loki. The fact that Thor has a fear of ultimately losing the love of his brother was actually quite touching and tragic at the same time, especially considering that Loki might feel that he's never had love in the first place or that it doesn't even matter now. The tragedy of it all was that Thor cannot control how Loki is feeling and whether Loki still believes Thor to be his brother, is completely up to him.
"Thor... Loki is going through a process right now. A hard one at that. You and I cannot control how he is going to respond to... well... anything now. He may be looking at things in a completely different way now. How he views you or your mother and father is up to him and how he feels. Everyone responds differently. Considering how angry he is, I doubt he's viewing anything fondly or with a clear mind." I tell him truthfully. "I recommend, however, that even if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings, that you still show your love for him. Then perhaps one day, he may have a change of heart."
Thor rolls over my words in his head. He guessed that was the only thing he could do. He felt he had to prepare himself for losing the brother he once knew, for it was out of his control. "Perhaps you are right." Thor said disappointed, but it was the truth. He appreciated the truth none the less. "Thank you, (y/n). You are a true friend and Loki is fortunate to have you."
"At the moment, Loki doesn't want anything to do me." I chuckle ironically.
"Nonsense, (y/n). Loki is going through, as you say, a process. You are the closest person to him. If anything, he needs you more than ever before. He only has a hard time showing it."
It was Thor's turn to hug me this time. He patted my head gently, a gesture he originally did to tease me on my mortality and make me feel small, but has since altered into a sign of affection and care.
I only sigh. "Perhaps..."
"If I may..." Thor asked releasing me. "Since you have given me wonderful advice, I would like to do the same for you."
"Alright. Go on then." I nod gesturing him to continue.
"I suggest you go to Loki and express your love and understanding to him. He may still be angry, however, but one thing I've learned from being raised by Loki's side is that patience is key. I know for certain that his love for you is true and he will open his heart to you, especially if he knows you understand him. You have been through this turmoil before. You know how it feels. It will be easier for him to come to you if you remind him." Thor says confidently.
I smile softly at him. "That does seem like the right thing to do, doesn't it? I will always be there for Loki."
"As will I..." Thor agrees with a slightly brighter smile than before.
"I will go see him. I think perhaps he needs something to brighten up his day." I say now feeling a wave of determination.
"May I accompany you back?" Thor asks.
I smile and nod. "Of course. There's never a need to ask. I always enjoy spending time with you, Thor."
"As I, you, as well, (Y/n)." Thor smiles back and we begin our trek back to the entrance. "(Y/n), after days of being troubled and worried, I believe this little stroll and talk we had is exactly what I needed."
"Good! That makes me happy. I'm glad i could make you feel better. I admit I also feel so much better, especially now that I know what troubles Loki and that it is not me who is causing him so much hurt." I say happily.
We both continue to talk and laugh as we make our way back to the entrance. When we arrived, however, Loki was standing there leaning against one of the pillars to the entrance. His arms were crossed and he was scowling at the ground.
This is the first time I've seen him outside of his room, so my natural response was to be excited when I saw him. "Loki!" I chirp his name happily and began to run over to him.  His glare snaps up at me and I immediately stop and back up a few steps wondering why he was looking at me so harshly. Thor also seemed confused by Loki's behavior as he steps up beside me.
"Loki?" I say timidly.
Loki shifts his gaze from me to his brother. He casually pushes himself off the wall and takes a couple of steps forward. "Enjoying spending your time with my love, are you, brother?" He asks calmly. Much too calmly.
"Er-yes. We had decided to take a walk together. It was very nice." He said, his voice holding suspicion and hesitation. He spoke with caution unsure of where Loki was going with this. It wasn't uncommon for Thor and I to spend time together and Loki knew this, so his behavior is showing to be very odd.
"Yes. It was lovely." I agreed with a nod.
"Was it now..." he says starting to pace back and fourth, a quirk he showed whenever he was in deep thought or frustrated.
Thor and I only glanced at each other confused.
"It seems to me you both were being... especially friendly with each other." He says, now his voice dripping with venom.
"Well of course, brother. How else should friends behave if not friendly?" Thor says already feeling his brother's hostility coming out.
"You both want to mock me now?" Loki says now expressing his anger openly.
"Loki, what are you talking about?" I ask taking another step back. His gaze was immediately burrowing holes into his brother.
"You believe now that you are going to become King that you are entitled to what's mine? That you can take whatever you please?!" Loki said standing directly in front of Thor, getting in his face.
Thor was confused to say the least. He honestly didnt know where Loki was getting these ideas from. "Brother, I -"
"No! Stop calling me that! I. Am. Not. Your. Brother! You are only, but an arrogant moron who has wanted nothing more than to upstand me and take everything away from me!" Loki snaps at him and you could visibly see the hurt on Thor's face, but he did not reply. He silently took Loki's lashing towards him.
"Loki, enough! Thor has done nothing wrong. You are getting riled up for nothing." I told him and his blazing eyes shift towards me, but I did not back down. "He has told me what has happened and I understand you are upset, but he is not taking anything away from you. He has no control over this and you shouldn't blame him for how things have turned out."
"Ah. So you know now..." he then has a bitter smirk on his face. "Then you are just as guilty."
"Wha- guilty? Guilty for what?" I ask in disbelief.
"You know I am no longer eligible for the throne and now, because of this, you want to instead run into the arms of my 'kingly brother'." He spat bitterly and had absolute disgusted sarcasm on his last words.
"What? Are you daft? This must be a joke." I scoff.
"Loki, (y/n) and I-... we're not-" Thor started, but Loki cut him off.
"I saw you! The both of you... arms wrapped around each other. It was disgusting. Don't act like I don't know." He says, his voice getting low again.
"Loki... that... that was just a hug. A friendly embrace. Nothing more." I tell him, my voice going softer.
"You expect me to believe that?" Loki scoffs.
"Yes! It is the truth." I tell him.
"You must take me for a fool..." he says, but this time his voice held no aggression. It held sadness and hurt. He was speaking as if he was unworthy and that I truly felt this way. At this moment he turned to leave.
"Loki, no. Wait." I reached out to grab his arm, but my hand phased right through him. I paused for a moment looking at my own hand and Loki only looked at me with a nonchalant expression. It only took me a second to realize what was going on. It was another one of his stupid magic tricks. He was not actually standing in front of me speaking and yelling. He was more than likely still held up in his room and he sent this magical image of himself to confront us. I stared back at the image of Loki with an irritated look, crossing my arms. The image only rolled his eyes and then disappeared.
I turn back to Thor irritated. "Why am I not surprised?..."
"It is only expected that Loki would not approach us himself. A common trick." Thor says just as not surprised as me. He crossed his arms and sighs.
"To think I was actually proud he came out of his room for once after all this time." I grumbled.
"He has to come out eventually." Thor told me.
"I'm not going to continue to wait until he decides he wants to come out. He cannot just run from this conversation and ignore me." I felt fiery and determined to have Loki's attention and get him to stop this hostile behavior. I just want him to feel alright.
Thor only seemed amused by my little flame of attitude. "You are going to go to him?"
"Yes. He cannot hide from me." I say confidently.
"Please do not push him over the edge. We do not want him getting too aggressive and doing something he might regret." Thor warns me.
"I will try to not aggravate him, but I do not want this conversation to end without being resolved first." I say already making my way to Loki's room.
Thor nodded and waved to me. "Best of luck to you, (y/n)."
"Thank you." I say leaving him and heading down the corridors. My feet make little patters as I speedily move along. The passing servants and people dont even try to get in my way as they see my determined look to finish my mission. I march up to Loki's grand doors and knock firmly.
"Loki? Loki it is me." I say through the door. He doesn't respond, but I know he's in there. I knock again. "Loki! Open the door. This conversation is not over!" I tell him firmly. "This needs to be resolved. You cannot hide in your room and ignore me!"
Still. He ignores me. Tch... Tosser...
I decide to just talk to him through the door. If he will not open the door and talk to me then he shall just listen as I speak. I take a deep breath and exhale with a calming sigh. "Loki... I know you are upset. At first, I believed I had some something wrong, but now I know..." i waited for a response. None. I continued on. "Finding out your adopted is not usually an easy thing to discover, especially at an older age. Trust me. I know. You may not remember, but I am adopted myself. I too was abandoned and taken in by an Asguardian family... I also know the feelings of hurt, betrayal, loneliness, and anger that all come with it. I know you may even feel a sense of stupidity for somehow not knowing or investing so much time into this because when you look back on your life the signs were there, but there isn't a possibility that you would have known. You must feel worthless and shamed and wonder why your actual parents have abandoned you to die... I may be wrong about all of these things, but... these are just some of the things i felt when i was told my family wasn't my own. These are the same feelings I'm feeling again when I think about how you are feeling." I take a shaky breath. Even though he isn't replying, I really do feel he is listening. "I know you can't become king anymore, but to hell with it. You still have a family that loves you... and, yes, I know that your parents leading you on with the thought of being king was wrong, but perhaps they truly wanted to make you feel equal to your brother... or maybe not. I really don't know to be honest. Despite me actually living here for so long, I don't speak with the king and queen that often. I do not know their intentions, but I do know them enough that they would not have taken you in for no reason. Thor, I know, still loves you and only wants you to love him back. Your family... They-"
"They fooled me and made me believe I was actually one of them, but dont think I didnt see the looks in their eyes throughout my life. I know I was different and I know they saw me as such... I knew I had strange abilities, but... i didn't know i was a monster..." Loki says through the door, his voice trailing off.
"Loki, you are not a monster. You are not asguardian, but you are no monster." I say frowning. My heart aching.
"Monsters are likely not the same on midguard as they are here..." Loki mutters. "You do not know what a true monster is..."
"Well, I feel that I've been on Asguard long enough to know the difference between them... to me, they arent all that different. I honestly dont think you-"
The door to Loki's room quickly swings open. "Look at me! Tell me this isn't the face of a monster!" Loki yells at me gesturing to his face. His skin was blue with etchings and he had deep red eyes. His hair was messy and his clothes were tousled as if he hadn't bothered to keep himself cleaned up and together the entire time he was in his room. I stare at him surprised for a few moments and he stares harshly at me before his face softens and he looks down to the floor. "...tell me what you feel isn't sheer fear and hatred when you see me..." the ache in my heart deepens and I know that despite my loves drastic change in appearance, he is still the same man I fell in love with. He is still Loki. He feels as if he is someone else entirely and his insecurities are heightening this feeling, but I feel it is my job as a decent person and as his lover to tell him that none of this changes who he is or how I feel.
"I do not feel fear when I see you... or hatred." I tell him approaching his form. He doesn't even bother to look up at me. "I actually feel whole and I feel love, but I also feel sadness. My heart aches for you and how much pain you must be feeling. I cannot bare to see my love go through so much hurt." I place my hand on his cheek. The feel of his skin is colder and I can feel the prominent ridges of the etchings of his face. His red eyes look up at me.
"How is it possible that you can still think of me as your love when I am like this?" He say weakly.
"Loki, if i am correct, you have always looked like this. You just hadn't decided to show me until now." I smile at him. "You may look different than before, but I really do still love you. Just as you have loved me despite being mortal. Nothing in my mind has changed about you. I dont want to be with Thor because he's going to become king and I don't want to leave you because your adopted and blue." I tell him with as much truth I can muster in my voice. "I just simply dont care about those things."
He looks at me and tears prick the corner of his eyes. "I really want to believe you...but..." this was expected. His insecurities are talking to him and because of the situation he feels like he can't believe me.
I only smile. "That's alright, Loki. You do not have to believe me." I gently kiss his lips. He didn't kiss back. He just closed his eyes and let me kiss him. I pulled away and rested my forehead against his. "I will prove it to you over time through my love."
He releases and shaky breath, his eyes still closed. He enclosed his arms around me and pulled my close. "You can't be real. It's not possible." He whispered softly.
I only smile at his words. "I am very real." I wipe away a lone tear that runs down his cheek. "Loki, I want you to know something..."
He only tightens his hold on me as a response.
"Despite everything that has happened, and everything that you feel, I want you to know that I love you..." I pull his even closer to me and whisper softly to him. "... and that you will always be my king."

Hello, everyone! I have to admit, this chapter felt a bit cheesy. It really did, but to be honest, I never actually read a fan fiction that didnt have a little bit of cheese in it. None the less, I hoped you enjoyed it and look forward to the next one. As always, I will see you in the next chapter! Toodles!