fem.

Golden Gate Bridge

Tears stream down my face as I speed walk down the hallway.

Why am I like this? Why did I freak out? He called me a beautiful boy. Why would that bother me? It's a COMPLIMENT. Who cares if he added "boy" to it? What's wrong with me?

I hear a door open and, unsure if it's Xavier, start sprinting outside. I keep running down the sidewalk, the side of the street, all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge, crying so loudly my own brain is trying to make it shut up. Once I'm out of breath, I sit on the side on the sidewalk, overlooking the water. I feel this overwhelming guilt... and hatred. Hatred for myself, hatred for Xavier, and hatred for everyone that doesn't feel as bad as I do right now.

I rub my sleeve up and down my cheek to dry the tears, so hard it burns. Boys don't cry. Why am I crying? Boys don't cry. Boys don't cry. Boys don't cry.

...Maybe I'm not a boy.

That's ridiculous. Geez, I'm insane! My thoughts are moving at 300mph and it's all too much. It's all too much. I grab onto the railing, pulling myself to my feet, staring into the black abyss of the bay below me.

I'm so fucking done. I swing my leg up, placing my foot on a bar suspended over the side of the bridge, and use a beam that extends upwards, towards the top of the bridge, to pull myself up. I'm standing on the rail now, still holding onto the beam to keep balance. If I focus hard enough I can see the rail disappearing from underneath my feet, I can see myself plummeting into the bay, I can see all the chaos and problems I've caused drowning with me.

"You don't need to do this. You will be fine. Please get down." I can hear a voice in my own head say.

"Please, please get down." The voice repeats. I shake my head, trying to clear the voice.

"Please listen to me. Come with me. Get down from there." The voice is getting louder and louder and I feel more tears begin to stream down my cheeks. I take one hand off the beam and put it to my side.

"I don't know your name. Please don't do this."

"I don't know mine either." I whisper. I take my other hand off the beam and begin to lean forward. I hear yelling, but it's blocked by the thundering of my heart beat as my foot begins to slip.

All of a sudden, arms are wrapped around my waist and I'm pulled so hard that I audibly scream. I feel my head hit the concrete, I hear someone crying.

Am I already gone?

"What's your name?" She asks me, but I'm so dizzy I can't interpret her words.

I black out in her lap.