fem.

Side

Aspen's statement kept replaying in my head, making me happier and happier every time I heard it. I couldn't even admit to myself I was a girl, let alone a beautiful one.

So, this means I'm trans?

WAIT, a word that actually describes a grain of my personality? What a revelation!

I pull my phone out to tell Xavier, but I hold my finger above the call button. Is that a good idea? What will he think? Maybe I shouldn't tell him.

I shouldn't tell him. But I should apologize for last night.

He picks up on the fifth ring.

"Andie—" He says, right away. He sounds exhausted. "I could hardly sleep last night. What happened?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry. I just got nervous."

"Well, I—" he takes a deep breath, stopping himself from saying whatever he was about to say. "Can you meet me at Starbucks in 15 minutes?"

"Yes, of course. See you soon." I hang up.

15 minutes later I'm sitting at a booth with Xavier, who's staring at me. He looks like he's angry but embarrassed about it, because his mouth is making a straight line.

"Where did you go last night, after you left?"

"Home."

"Why wouldn't you let me drive you? I wanted to make sure you got home safe but you didn't answer your phone."

"It died on the walk."

Xavier stops making eye contact and looks down at his hands.

"Was it something I did?"

"No."

He throws his head into his hands and rubs his eyes.

"Of course it was something I did! You wouldn't have left if I did nothing wrong! Why are you trying to spare my feelings?"

"Because there's no reason for me to be mad at you! It's not your fault I feel this way."

"What way?"

"I don't know. I've been thinking. I think that I may be—"

"Xavier!" A voice booms from across the room. Xavier whips his head around, looking terrified out of his mind, like he's just been caught jacking off. A boy with messy bedhead that absolutely reeked of weed walked over to our table and put a hand on Xavier's shoulder.

"I had no idea where you went, babe! Was this the boy you were texting this morning?"

I cringed at.... nearly every word in that sentence. My body went hot and I felt queasy.

"I—uh—yeah," Xavier stumbled over his words, "this is my friend, Andie."

Friend? Fucking friend?

"Andie, this is my boyfriend, Brett." He shifted uncomfortably.

I am so embarrassed. I wish I was dead. I wish I had drowned last night.

I stood up and began to walk out.

"What's his problem?" I heard Brett say to Xavier. I turned around and stared at him dead in the eyes.

"Her problem, Brett. Her. And go take a shower, you're getting me secondhand high."

I turned back around, slamming the door behind me as I left.