August rain | myg ✔

t h i r t e e n

MARCH

With March came along the most unexpected hope: the first rays of sun, making their way through the grey clouds and slowly warming up the days. Snow still covered the grounds, but for the first time in a few months, it wouldn't keep piling up outside and bury things even more. It would just stay there, unmoving, letting the sun warm it up, just not enough for it to melt. Still, the cold would slowly make place for the unexpected but awaited warmth.

Yoongi saw the light shine through the clouds, he felt the cold slowly being pushed away by the upcoming spring, a spring he was longing for but that still seemed so far away. Yoongi knew at that moment that the winter would soon be gone, and that perhaps someday the clouds would be blown away, not by a cold wind but by the sun that would shine bright. 

And for the first time in a while, he didn't feel like the rest of his life would be spent in complete darkness.

APRIL

Spring took over the fields. Whereas there was snow for the last few months, it was replaced by streams that rolled through the forests, bringing water to the flowers and the trees, feeding them and allowing them to slowly come back to life. 

Yoongi took a few steps outside, for the first time in a while. He didn't go far, and it was only a brief moment before he was back inside the blue house, warming himself under the blankets. Yet as the days went by, those few steps became a few more, and those few more became a few more, and soon he had taken a walk across the fields, all the way to the place he used to think was too far away. 

And when he reached it, he stared at the buds in the trees. He knew then that, eventually, they would go back to being leaves and flowers again, even if it would take a while. They'd come back to life, knowing that death would be inevitable in autumn, but knowing that they still had to live in the meantime. 

MAY

The flowers were blooming, birds were chirping outside and the clouds were chased away by the sun. Suddenly Yoongi was spending a part of his days outside. His mom would ask him to plant flowers in front of the porch, and he would do it. Jungkook would ask him to play football with him, and he would do it. Dr Surrey would ask him to take walks outside everyday, and he would do it. It felt like his life was starting again, like staying still wasn't a possibility anymore. 

But at night, when the sun would set and he would lay in his bed and close his eyes, all he could see was Catalina, and all he could feel was the emptiness by his side. The empty void that was so pervasive, but that, finally, wasn't so ice cold anymore.

JUNE

Summer started in June, and the cold, lonely nights slowly made place for warmer, still lonely nights. But loneliness, even in the middle of the sunny days, was still painful. Yoongi was growing tired of it, growing tired of the empty place next to him, growing tired of being alone when he didn't want to be. 

The month of June reminded him of his friend Jin, who's ex-girlfriend was named June. And so he called him, and he found solace in the fact that Jin, too, had lost the love of his life, that Jin, too, knew how loneliness hurt when you wanted to be with someone. 

And so June started lonely and sorrowful, and it ended surrounded by family and friends who understood the pain he lived with, and the tears that came in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep. And suddenly, the compassion that people showed him made his nights a little less lonely.

JULY

July was the height of summer, the time of the year when people would use every excuse possible to go outside, every reason to avoid working. And yet Yoongi didn't care much for the sun shining bright or the overbearing heat. It was July, meaning that next month, it would be August. 

Last August had been the moment his life had changed for the worst, when Catalina had gone so unexpectedly and suddenly. And so to avoid thinking about the upcoming month, to avoid thinking about Catalina's death anniversary that was so near, to avoid thinking about the grief he had been living with for a year, Yoongi buried himself in worry. 

He was anxious, anxious that the minimal part of pain that had been washed away by the sunny days would hit him back like a tsunami on the upcoming anniversary of Catalina's death. That the sorrow that was sometimes forgotten as he busied himself would grow back even bigger, just because the roots were still there, and the upcoming day would water it until it would fill every inch of his soul. He was afraid that the cold would come back and destroy him again, but that this time, he wouldn't be able to stand despite the suffering. He was terrified that the sunny days he could finally see would go and never come back again.

And so July ended in worry, in pain, in fear of what would come, and soon enough came August.

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A/N - Those of you who didn't read bleed me must be so confused about the Jin in June thing haha.