The right thing (South Park Fanfic.)

Yes... i'm not going to write it...

"So. I take left, you right?" He asks.

"Or maybe lets not get separated when you don't have anything to fucking fight with?" I ask.

He shows me a sort of pipe.

"What the fuck would you use that for?" I ask.

He rolls his eyes, listening. He seems to hear something after maybe 7 minutes of complete and utter silence.

"What is it?" I ask.

He let's his wings out, flies up and gets over to the house. I look out to see him holding a guard with the pipe.

"One noise and you're dead. Now. Do you have keys?" He asks.

The guard shakes his head.

"You sure?" He asks.

The guard shakes his head again. Stan pushes him against the wall with his foot and knocks him unconscious with the pipe before getting to his pockets.

"What the fuck?" I ask.

"Hey. I might be a half bird but even I played GTA," Stan says, with a slight laugh.

"I don't remember that mission," I say.

"I mean. In the original, the strength and speed makes it deadly," Stan says.

"Do you know Physics?" I ask.

"Well I am not fucking stupid. Am I?" Stan asks.

"No comment," I say.

He takes keys from the guards pocket.

"Car, bike lock, house, cottage. Wow, he's rich. Second car, wait. Work keys. Which one then?" He asks.

"Like rich men?" I ask.

"Not really. I'm not that much of a person for money, I like happiness more and that's something money can't buy," Stan says.

"You know if I was straight-," I start.

"I'd totally like you too," Stan says.

"Are you gay?" I ask.

"I'm bi. I'm going to assume you're a lesbian?" Stan asks.

"Poly," I say.

"Oooh. That's cool," Stan says.

He tries one of the keys. Then the other, which works out. He opens the door, only to have an another door in front of him almost immediately.

"Are you FUCKING kidding me? Fucking cunts," Stan says.

"Don't yell," I say.

I get in front of him and take a pin from my shoe.

"What?" Stan asks.

"It's something I use nowadays, to open doors. I used to have long hair, so, I got it from my dad. Now I use it for opening doors," I say.

I start getting to it.

"Fuck. We could have made a bomb for this," he whispers.

"Yeah. But I wasn't expecting a door that we couldn't get keys to!" I say.

I keep trying to open the door... until i roll my eyes.

"Doesn't work," I say.

Stan puts a hand in front of me and gets the pipe over his shoulder.