Can I Have Your Attention Please

Chapter 28: You Of All People

DON'T PLAY SONG UNTIL I SAY FOR A BETTER EXPERIENCE!!

QOC: Favorite instrument?

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Sam's POV
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Boredom.

It's probably the worst thing you can suffer from while the fact that your death awaits you rests in the back of your mind. You don't want to spend your last breaths being bored.

I blow a raspberry with my lips and hang upside down on Kassidy's bed, staring at the wall. Music softly pours from her speakers made from Alina Baraz, and sometimes Khalid. I hum along quietly while Kassidy types on her laptop and Kyra paints her nails a sky blue color.

The sky. I've flown in it once. I'd love to do it again. Multiple times. And I'd love to bring Emily somewhere amazing, just like I got to experience. I've mentioned before that I'm a backpacker. I'm an adventurer, and I carry excitement around. Or, I used to before the Ryhawks family came into my life with Cameron and Kyra. I've sort of just been hanging out with them, not bothering to explore parts of California like I used to.

"Do I get a bucket list?" I ask thoughtfully, furrowing my brows. I see Kassidy tense out of the corner of my eye.

"What do you mean? Everyone has a bucket list," Kyra says carefully behind me, softly.

I sigh and roll onto my back, staring at the ceiling with my hands clasped over my stomach. "Yeah, but I mean like a death bucket list, ya know? Like the 'oh jeez, I wanna do this stuff before I croak' list."

I look at Kassidy, and she stares at me with horrified, wide eyes. I inwardly wince when I realize I probably should be a tad more considerate when it comes to others' feelings during this process. I'm not used to others being so worried and concerned about me, so I just say whatever I'm good with saying. And the shock has pretty much worn off of me by now, so I'm stuck with my usual sarcastic self. Sometimes though, I get sad. And that's expected. I just really want to do some cool stuff before I decide to float away from my body.

But maybe I should put it lightly around others.

I look at Kyra, who's looking down at the bedding sadly after what I'd said. I sit up and sigh again.

"Guys, I'm sorry," I apologize. "I just don't want to be treated differently because I'm sick. It's okay if you ever wanna joke about it or something. Sometimes I just don't want to be serious. There's not enough time to be serious anymore."

Kassidy looks at me with dull, saddened eyes for a long moment. Then, she nods and releases a small breath. I reach out for her hand, and she sadly grabs it. It's quiet for a long time before I hear sniffling.

We both look to Kyra, who has tears trailing down her face.

"You don't deserve this," she cries. "You of all people don't deserve this! You...you didn't even get a chance!"

I sigh and slowly release Kassidy's hand, crawling over to Kyra. I don't cry. Maybe that's because I've already cried myself dry. But Kyra bawls her eyes out as I hold her. It feels like I've switched roles. It's as if she's found out she has cancer, and I'm the friend holding her. It feels good to comfort someone else. It feels good to be the stronger one.