Can I Have Your Attention Please

Chapter 46: Let's Not Forget

QOC: Any hockey players in the house?

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Kason's POV
O • o • O

Pain.

God, it fucking hurts.

Everything hurts.

I told her she could go. I told her it was okay.

But it wasn't okay. I didn't want her to go. She couldn't leave me yet. I wasn't ready.

But she was. I could see it. She was in so much pain. She couldn't walk anymore without someone's aid. She couldn't lift anything. When we ate steak one night, I had to cut it for her. It was time for her to go.

And when she did, I wanted to go with her.

I woke up in the morning with her in my arms. I didn't think much of her still sleeping. She'd been sleeping for at least fourteen hours a day. So it wasn't abnormal for her to still have her eyes closed.

I got up, got dressed, and when I came back in the room with my toothbrush in my mouth, I froze. I saw how blue her lips were, and how pale her skin was — a lot paler than usual.

I threw my toothbrush somewhere in my room and ran up to her, kneeling down. I tried calling her name. When that didn't work, I shook her a little. Eventually I screaming for her to wake up, because I couldn't take it. I didn't want her to leave. Not yet.

My mother came rushing into the room, followed by Cameron and Kassidy, and Kyra, who'd spent the night. I must've looked insane. I was tugging my hair and sobbing like a goddamn madman. I was so out of it that Cameron had to pull me outta there.

Now, on the day of her funeral, I feel emotionless and dark. I can't feel anything. She took my life with her own. I'm lifeless without her here.

I study myself in the mirror. Dark circles have accumulated underneath my eyes. I look drained. I haven't slept. I'm not going to for a long time.

Of course, God has blessed this day with rain. And I mean lots of rain. In California. I don't think it's a coincidence. She loves the rain.

My eyes blankly shift over outside of my window, where grey clouds cover any sliver on sunshine. The sky dumps its tears on this day that people say their final goodbyes to her.

I swallow once, trying to shove down the emotion that's filled to the rim inside of me. I want to hit something. I want to attack viciously, and scream and just...cry. I'm fucked up now. I thought I was before...but that was nothing compared to now.

There's a quiet knock on my bedroom door. I glance over to see Kassidy popping her head inside. Her eyes are red from crying, but she still looks pretty in her black dress. She tries a smile on, but it's nothing short of fake.

"Hey. You ready to go? Mom has the car warmed up. It's cold out today, and it's raining."

I nod. Usually I'd say something like, "Oh thanks. I didn't notice." But I can't be sarcastic. I can't make a joke. I can't tease my sister.

"I'm coming down," I tell her quietly.

She nods understandingly and leaves, closing the door behind her. I run a hand through my disheveled hair that I didn't bother to comb and walk over to my dresser. I pick up the photo I took of us together when I took her to see Black Violin in Tahiti and manage a small smile. She looks so beautiful and healthy. A big grin takes over her features.