random it shots/ prefrences

beautiful pain Eddie Kaspbrak

if you gave me only one wish I wouldn't want to feel this way.

I stare at Eddie as he repeats the words "i'm moving". the tears well in both of our eyes as I fall into my boyfriends arms for the last time." I love you y/n"he whispers into my hair. "I love you too Eds"i choke out through the tears.

they told me id have your memory but  all I want is you to stay.

I stand with the rest of the losers a little away from Eddie's car. everyone just finished their goodbyes and were all in tears. the car starts to move but I hear a muffled "wait!". Eddie jumps out of the car and runs over to me. we hug each other tightly and when we pull away  he puts his hands on my cheeks and kisses me " I love you y/n/n". he runs back to his car and we watch it until it's out of sight.

and I cant stop my mind from haunting me. it's like a scar on a butterfly's wing.

ever since Eddies left I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. my everyday life has been affected by my thoughts but I love them nonetheless.

I wanted you to know this beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you.and one day these bones will heal and leave me with the truth.

I hate that I was made to leave her.it hurts me physically to be so far away from her and my heart breaks knowing how long it will be before I get the chance to see her again. she was the only person I was comfortable with. I hope she doesn't forget me.

and i'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do.

she deserves the world, but it's hard for me to give it to her from where I am. Eddie deserves someone who doesn't want him to change. i hope that after all these years it'll still be me.

this beautiful pain.

"you need to find a normal boy y/n. he wasn't good for you"

this beautiful pain.

"you dont need a girlfriend Eddie, you're sick"

this beautiful pain.

"you're wrong. I love him." "you dont know what I need. I love her."

for you.

everything I do reminds me of him. swimming, riding my bike, ice cream, everything.

if I sailed the world on stormy seas chasing sunlight that I cant see I was  a dreamer here before I woke up and fell to the floor.

I grab my bike out of the garage and cycle down to Eddie's old house. i pick the lock and climb the stairs to his room. the house still smells like him; clean but with a hint of spearmint. i sit on the floor and daydream about the things that happened in this room. when id come over stressed and he'd comfort me, when he helped me with schoolwork, when we admitted our feelings, our first kiss.

and i'd climb to heaven if I could find you. even with the scar this butterfly flew.

I stare at the polaroid of us on my dresser. what i'd give to have her, or any of my other friends here with me. but right now I have to focus on getting into college.

I wanted you to know this beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you. and one day these bones will heal and leave me with the truth. and i'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do. this beautiful pain.

"do you s-still love E-Ed-Eddie??" "yes Billy, I do."

this beautiful pain.

I still think of her every day.

this beautiful pain.

I refuse to believe we will never see eachother again.

for you.

it cant be over.

and all i'll ever need and all i'll ever be within every part of me.

the memories of us still cloud my head. his old house is still empty, but the smell is gone. I feel like he's slowly fading from my life and theres nothing I can do to stop it.

this beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you. and one day these bones will heal and leave me with the truth.

"I got accepted mom!" "I got in!"

and i'll give you everything if its the last thing that I do.

I walk into the doors of my school and breathe in my new life.

this beautiful pain.

I bump into someone.

this beautiful  pain.

I crash into a person on the way back out to my car.

this beautiful pain.

"sorry I-" "y/n?" "Eddie?"

for you.

"I still love you." "I never stopped."