Waiting To Be Found (Jalex)

If I Had You

Chapter Two.

Title from A Daydream Away by All Time Low.

After a week of hearing the bicylce's light bell, I decided to ask my mother. My mother is one of the well known mothers of the community, and she tends to know what goes on in the neighborhood. Her answer to me was that the boy was the grandson of the Barakat's. He was called Jack, and that was the moment that my chest erupted with the sudden warmth that shocked me.

Jack. I knew the name of the wonderful stranger I had only gotten a single glimpse of. Each and every time I heard the notable ding of the bell I would jump out of bed and peek through the blinds only to see that Jack had already passed by, and I had failed to get up in time to see him.

Creepy, I know.

"You should stop by and introduce yourself to him" my mother had suggested "he would probably enjoy meeting a boy his age to hang around with this summer" she finished as she cleaned up the dirty plates left over from breakfast.

I had considered this, yes, but I didn't know how close I could get to this boy without a fire being sparked within me. I did not deny the feelings I had, or that the feelings were for a boy, or that I had only seen him once and somehow he floats through my mind like a balloon that never gets too high.

Though, I hadn't done anything yet that would be deemed unacceptable, and I knew that I would be unable to stop myself from sinning if I did meet him and he felt the same. It was like a race that I would win by losing, or losing by winning. There was simply and utterly no way for me to feel content without tasting his lips on mine, and yet discontent in itself was knowing that I would willingly go to hell for doing exactly that.

The strange and desperate part of it all was realizing that I would rather go to hell than accept that Jack and I would never know each other in all the ways possible.

Perhaps it would be easier to avoid meeting him, its better to deal with the possibitilies than the regret.

***

I'd like to pretend that I was able to think of more than Jack since I heard that name a few days ago, but I can't. He's simply infiltrated every one of my thoughts. Sometimes I can go weeks and months with few thoughts of him, but there is always a point at every single day when my mind falls to him. I can honestly say that I have never gone a day without thinking of him since the first time I saw him.

Sleepless nights hold more of him.

Sometimes I think more of him than usual. Lisa likes to call it my "dark days" but she doesn't know what is in my head. She's never been told of Jack and I intend to keep it that way, Jack is for my thoughts. I also couldn't bring myself to lie and tell her that it's all past me now.

I placed my hands over my face and took an exasperated breath. I have to stop thinking of him, I'm torturing myself and I will for the rest of my life. He is from the past, a summer that should and would've been long forgotten without him being in it.

I focused on the task in front of me, a logo I was sketching and working out for a new independent bookstore that would pop up in town in a few weeks time. I enjoy my job, being a graphic designer is very rewarding, especially now that I have a studio for my work. Most of it is hand drawn before being transferred to the computer for coloring. Sometimes it's all done on the computer, and sometimes it's all done by hand. It just varies depending on what the customer invisions.

I almost jumped out of my seat when I felt the intense phone vibration from my back pocket, I answered quickly, already knowing that it would be Lisa. "Hello" I said, putting my pencil down on the sketch for a moment.

"Hey! I just met Jack, Derek's boyfriend" Lisa said in a friendly tone. I felt myself tense up all over again, the name alone making me feel desperate for that summer. "He's super sweet, actually" she said with a light chuckle.

"Oh? Oh yeah, thats nice" I said nonchalantly.

"You okay?" she asked in her friendly tone. I shook my head to myself as I let my eyes wonder around my studio, blinking quickly to prevent tears that usually come after the pressure behind my eyes. It's absolutely absurd for me to be this caught up after thirteen years.

"Yeah, yeah I am, just a bit busy" I lied, pursing my lips together.

"Oh, well I'll let you go, I was just going to let you know that they're going to stop by later to hang out for a bit. No dinner or anything, but they offered to bring drinks" she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Okay, that sounds good. I'll see you in a few" I assured her, hanging up and immeditately placing my phone on the desk a little too hard.
I sighed into my hands again and squeezed my eyes shut before reopening them. Maybe meeting him will be good. I'll have his face to put with the name instead of the Jack I've missed for thirteen years.

Maybe.

***

"Dinner was great, thank you" I said to Lisa, delivering a kiss onto her cheek as I walked behind her from washing my plate off in the sink.

"You're welcome" she chriped, moving to wash her own plate.

When she finished, we both sat on the couch and watched the news for a few minutes before she decided to take a shower. "If the boys come, just let them know I'll be out soon. Quick shower, I promise" she said as she walked down the hall and into the bathroom.

I secretly hoped they didn't come until she was done in the shower, I didn't want to be awkward and alone with them.

I tried to close my eyes and stop the anxious foot tapping that was completely involuntary at this point. I can't explain the anxious tightening of my stomach, like my enzymes going mad and having a disco in my guts. I suppose it's normal for me to feel this anxious, but it feels worse than ever when it's in the moment, and then later I'll realize that it was just as bad as it always is. I wished I wasn't so anxious over silly and pointless things.

It wasn't long before I heard a gentle knock at the door, sighing to myself, I stood up and straightened out my shirt before taking small steps to the front door of our apartment.

Lisa is still in the shower and probably will be for at least another five minutes or so.

I took a deep breath before turning the door knob and opening the door to reveal the last thing I had ever expected.

The wind was knocked from my lungs completely and painfully, unlike ever before.

Jack.