Waiting To Be Found (Jalex)

Won't Forget The Good Times

Chapter Eight.

Title from Good Times by All Time Low.

I walked into my apartment with a different feeling, and I immediately walked into the bedroom where I knew Lisa would be. She was hanging a dress in her closet when I walked in. She smiled lightly at me.

"Hello" she said.

"Hey, how was the wedding?" I asked.

"Beautiful" she smiled, and I smiled in return. I smiled at her for more of a reason than because the wedding was beautiful.

I smiled because I'm letting her go.
Because I let her go a long time ago, and I need her to go to the one person I knew she needed to go to.

I love Lisa, but I didn't love her. I never had a real and true loving connection with her, and I believe that the feeling is mutual.

When we got together we were both at a loss of our one great love. I think that life gives us one great one.. sometimes in the end it doesn't work, but it is your one great love. I already had mine, and she already had hers. We were both broken and thought that was it, so we got stuck together in our small town.

All through high school she was a cheerleader, and her boyfriend was one of the football players. They were in love, real love, not the high school shit. Everyone knew it. After high school she had to go to college and he decided to enlist in the army, they didn't see each other again. He didn't die but it was almost like it, she didn't think he'd come back to our small town afterwards, but he did. He came back and I knew the moment he arrived that something left us. I actually let it slide at first, because, well I understood. Her and I were in the same position, only her great love returned to her. I walked in on them having sex, and then I couldn't let it slide. She apologized, but didn't leave me for him, I think most of me wished she would but she begged for my forgiveness. I thought she was silly because.. well, if I had been reunited with my one great love.. I wouldn't even look back at her.

I was content with living alone, because we were never a very happy couple anyways. The sex was just sex, the love was hardly there. Then for some reason I was afraid that she would leave me too, and I would have nothing. So I proposed to her and we moved out here for our fresh start. I took her away from her one great love again, and I hate myself for it. At the time I didn't realize this, but that was her Jack, and I took her away from him.

I love her so much that I need her to go back to him, because our love was nothing more than the way friends love each other.

"Listen" I said softly to her, her eyes fell on me and she knew that the conversation was serious. "In this life, we are given one great love" I started "even if you find love again, or if it doesn't work out, that one great love will always be more" I said. It seemed as though at first I was giving her a love speech, and then halfway through she realized what this was really about.

"Alex.."

"Lisa. I know who your great love is, and it isn't me" I said, trying to give her a comforting smile. Tears sprung into her eyes that were swimming with uncertainty. "I hate myself for taking you away from him, after you were separated for so long.. I was envious that yours had returned to you and mine had not" I continued, letting her know that we understood each other. She smiled a small smile because she knew I was freeing her.
"I love you, Lisa, and I need you to go to him. I'm so glad that we found each other through the brokenness, but it's time for you to return to the person your heart belongs to. It's time for me to do that too" I finished, watching her cry as I teared up myself.

She hugged me so tightly, and everything about this felt so right in my heart. I am returning her from the person I stole her from, and it feels perfect.

"Thank you" she cried into me "thank you so much, Alex, I love you."
I rubbed her back.

"Go to him" I chuckled "I'm serious, pack your bags, we'll figure out a way to split the furniture whenever you get to him. I know he's waiting for you" I reassured her, and she cried even more as she stood up, looking at me.
It was the happiest I had ever seen her. It was a look of such gratitude and love, and it made me wish I had done this far sooner.

I helped her pack, we talked about the good times we had, and how we'll be friends forever because that's what we were meant to be.

When she was ready to go, we hugged for a very very long time. I walked her to the door and she turned to look at me with happy tears in her eyes. "Thank you, Alex" she said humbly to me.

"No, I'm sorry for taking you from him. I knew you were meant to be with him" I apologized, watching her shake her head.

"I wish you the best with Jack" she said with a devious smile.

"What?" I asked, laughing "you know?"

She laughed at me as she nodded "he is your one great love, Alex. I saw it from the beginning, the way you look at each other is very revealing, you know?" She explained.

There, I was tearful again, she was too.

We exchanged goodbyes in the hallway, where she also said goodbye to Derek who was very confused. Jack wasn't there. "I'm going home" she told Derek, the most beautiful and genuine smile was on her face.

Derek looked to me once she left, a look that portrayed mixed feelings.
Something told me he knew something of it, and I only hoped that he didn't see what she did when Jack and I looked at each other.

***

I walked up the stairs, Lisa left yesterday, and I haven't had the chance to tell Jack yet but I assumed Derek had told him.

I wondered how he felt when he found out. I wondered if he knew I did it for the both of us, and for Lisa, and I wondered if he would want to join me one day.

Those thoughts ended when I got up the stairs. I noticed a note on the ground in front of my door when I approached. I took it inside before opening it, because I had a bad feeling.

Alex,
I am so sorry for everything. I can't do this. I love you, for my whole life, I've loved you.
                                           Love, Jack.

In that moment, the world around me stopped spinning. My chest ached and burst, and my lungs locked.
I didn't have any control over the immediate, desperate pain that wracked my body and caused me to cry out.

No. No. No. Not again.
It's too much. It's too much for me to handle. I'll die here of a broken heart.

I've lost him again.
I've lost me.

Why?
What did I do wrong?

I cried and I cried, for hours I cried. I felt my heart moving up my chest and through my throat and I expected it to jump out of my mouth and hit the floor in a sticky mess. It would be less painful than this.

I dry heaved, and pulled my hair, and cried out loud. Probably loud enough for the neighbors to hear but I didn't care. I didn't care at all.

I just lost my great love.
For good this time.
Just as I thought he was mine again.