i can't stay mad at you

ten

Olivia

Today was...boring. There was a constant dull in the air with the knowledge that Miles was not in school. Who knew his presence was such an uproar in my life. The classes phased from period to period and the day dragged in the worst way possible. Any possible moment I checked my phone, refreshed my feed, and texted my girls from back home.

When I get to Anatomy, and Miles isn't there I actually build up the courage to text him, though it went unnoticed as I received no reply.

The kids in the school truly blend together. No one seems to be unique or have any sense of individuality, and it's just so bland. Truly, I do enjoy being in this new town and new school, but having some variety can't really hurt anyone. Maybe the reason I keep finding myself wanting to explore the mind of Miles-who's last name I just learned is Hopper-which is ironic considering he is the least "hoppy" person I know- is because he is the most different person here. He has a story and frankly the thought of unwrapping his layers and finding out who he truly is, is the most exciting thing going on in this town right now.

"Hey, Olivia?" I turn my head to see the famous Kelsi walking next to me after the bell rings.

"Oh hey." I say unenthusiasticly. I really don't know how else to react after finding out she's Miles' ex. I don't know if it bothers me more that she's purposely neglecting to reveal that part of information or the fact that she actually dated Miles and might have more knowledge on his real personality.

"So, I was just wondering if you took my advice on staying away from Miles? I know it's weird of me to bring up, but I just wanna look out for you, ya know?" If I didn't have my previous conversation with Ethan, I would think she is being sincere, but now that I'm aware, I can actually hear the twinge of fake laced in her voice.

"Um no not really. I wouldn't say we're really friends, but he's cool enough." How can I get out of this conversation?

"Oh well, I just think that's it's smart to not try to get close with him because he can be...damaging." I think I catch a sliver of some emotion fly through her face, but it's gone as soon as it comes.

"How would you know this exactly?" Maybe I can get her to spill.

She awkwardly tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, "No reason in particular, I've just gone to school with him pretty much my whole life."

We stay in silence and I decide to make my escape. How had the bell not rang yet? "Well, I need to stop at my locker before class, so, see ya later." I turn down the hall towards my locker that I do not need to go to at all.

Is it bad that I have no interest in becoming friends with Kelsi? Sure, I can tell she only fake cares about me, but maybe deep down she's sweet? I guess I should be more open minded towards finding friends in this new place. Just maybe not Kelsi.

I'm still walking in the opposite direction of my class when the bell rings. Of course! I turn in the opposite direction and lightly jog. I arrive to class and thankfully the teacher has yet to take attendance.

In this class, Fine Arts, I sit next to this nice sophomore girl, who is unbelievably talented. I've once seen her draw the most detailed dog in one class period. That doesn't sound like much but it was really good okay. I am mediocre in art but I needed another elective, and this seemed like the most fun option.

"Okay class, today we are switching it up. Usually we create masterpieces from specific objects or people but today I want you all to create a painting or drawing-or whatever instrument you feel like using- of a place. Think of your happy place, or a pretty place, or even what you see in your nightmares. Just have fun with it and center your inner Pissarro." Mrs. Carselly speaks. She is quite the character, always bouncing from one end of the room to the other, yelling some days and whispering the next. She is definitely one of my favorite teachers.

It's hard for me to think of a place to paint. There is no specific place that pops into my mind. The beach is too cliche, the park is just..no, my bedroom is just weird. I sigh tapping the end of my brush against the table.

"Maybe you can paint a place from back home?" I turn to where the small voice came from, "Sorry, I could tell you were thinking." Elise chuckles next to me.

"I was thinking that, but theres not much back there. Minnesota is pretty boring, at least the part where I come from."

"Wow people actually live in Minnesota?" Her comment causes me to burst into laughter. When people think of the states or America in general, Minnesota is the last thing that comes to mind.

"Surprisingly yes." I'm still laughing. When the giggles have left, I continue a conversation, "What place are you gonna draw?" The best thing about this class is we have complete authority over what style of art we can use. I prefer painting and from sitting next to Elise this past week, I know she prefers drawing.

"I'm drawing my backyard. I just have so many memories there, and it's beautiful. Besides drawing, a big hobby of mine is gardening. And there's the shack that holds all of my bikes and outdoor toys when I was growing up, and then the treehouse that me, my brother and my dad built when we were younger. So many memories, ya know?" By the end of her answer, she's blushing with a small smile on her face.

"You sure can ramble Elise," I say jokingly and we burst into laughter for a second time.

Elise and I talk on and off for the rest of the period. It took me awhile to think of something, but I end up painting outer space. Elise mentioning her dad made me think of something me and my father used to do when he was around, which was looking through a telescope and finding constellations. I didn't want to just make a painting of stars-how boring- so space was the next best thing.

While I'm painting swirls of gray and blue my mind wanders to Ethan and of course Miles. I sit and just wonder. Wonder if Ethan will ever come out to Miles, wonder if Miles will ever man up and reach out to his best friend, and lastly I wonder if Miles will support and love his friend when he does find out. I do know that Miles is an asshole but hopefully homophobic doesn't fall under his tree of traits.

"What do you know about Miles Hopper?" I turn and ask Elise. She looks up from her work, with a look of confusion.

"Not much, he's a senior so I don't ever see him. He definitely holds a reputation though. Why do you ask?" She draws a another line on her paper, sketching out the soon to be masterpiece.

"I don't know, I'm just....intrigued." I only half lie. Really, I'm asking to see if she knows the reason he's so full of anger.

"Oh my god, you totally like him." She looks up again from her paper and chuckles.

"I do not!" I whisper yell. If I had fairer skin, the blush would be as clear as day.

"You so do! Oh my god that is so cute. If you guys started dating it would be the talk of the school! Not to mention you would make a cute ass couple." She smiles at me and I can't get over how genuine she seems. It's a breath of fresh air to talk to someone who is just...nice. Ethan is cool but he has a lot going on right now, Miles was....Miles, and Kelsi has no interest in being the selfless confidant I need.

"Okay...maybe a little bit." I smile back at her.

We get back to our work and I realize that's the first time I've admitted these secret feelings out loud. It's sort of relieving.

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