i can't stay mad at you

eleven

Miles

When I return to school the next day, everything is quite normal. No one seems to have noticed my absence, which isn't abnormal. Ethan is quiet in first period, but that also isn't abnormal as of lately either.

I can't think of how I want to go about talking to him. Should I just blurt it out? What would I even say? I glance at him for the thousandth  time and he's still staring blankly at the front of the class. Well, I mean, it's now or never.

"Eth" I say, officially turning in his direction.

"Yeah, man?" He finally turns to face me. His eyes are tired and he just looks....sad. The bags under his eyes are immensely prominent with the beaming classroom lights shining on him.

"Rellos after school?" Charello's Hot Cakes is the best diner we have in this boring town, and it also happens to be the place me and Eth have been going for years.

"Um...I think I'm just gonna go home after school, I'm pretty tired." He looks from me to his hands then back to me. Something really is up if he's turning down Rellos.

"Are you okay bro?" It's quite different to be talking to Ethan this way. We both agreed years ago that talking about our feelings is not something we would do in our free time. But look at us now. We both have dad issues to put it lightly, and we just thought it best to put that behind us after struggling with it for years. Now that I think about it, maybe that's why hes been in such a bad mood. Is his dad back around again? If so, this could mean so many things.

"Yeah, I'm good, what-why would you ask me that?" And in that moment I know he's not okay. The frantic look on his face as if he's scared that I'm gonna spill his biggest secret shows that clearly.

"We're going to Rellos after school." I put my foot down. I'm handling this today. He reluctantly nods his head and turns back to the front of the classroom. I have so many damn questions. For starters, what the hell is up? Or maybe even, what the hell is so bad that he can't just outright say it?

In my class with Olivia, she is also unusually quiet. What is going on with everyone today?

"What's with you?" I ask her as I sit down.

"What do you mean?" She responds. Her hair is out and fluffy today. I love it this way. Every move she makes, it moves with her.

"You're not talking like always? Geez, why is everyone in such a mood today, I thought that was my thing." After my appointment yesterday, I have been pretty calm if I say so myself. No odd mood swings or random explosions. I'm feeling pretty normal today, with the addition of a little lightheaded, but that's just because I took my meds today after a long break away from them.

"Since when do you want me to talk? I was under the impression that you preferred me quiet"

"I think we've gotten to the point where we can be cordial towards each other." I say even though I feel as though this was obvious considering the only people I have had real conversations with was her and Ethan this past week and a half. Even if the ones with her happened to be arguments.

"Oh really? I didn't get that memo." She looks at me in the corner of her eye, but the little smile on her face says something different.

"Ha ha" I say slowly. "Anyways, it should please your nosy ass to know that I'm going to have a talk with Ethan after school today."

"I am not nosy!" Her mouth falls open, and I stare at her blankly, "And that's good, its about time." We stare at eachother for several long seconds. I stare into her dark brown eyes in search of who knows what. I look at every feature of her face from the small beauty mark on her chin to the perfectly shaped hairs in her eyebrows. I cant look away, and I don't know why. "Why are you in such a good mood today?" Her voice breaks me from my trance.

"I'm not." I say blankly. What was I supposed to say, Yeah, I took an extra pill this morning to make sure it worked since I knew I would probably be having a serious conversation with my best friend today and I didn't want to be an asshole! Yeah, no.

"Hm, well hopefully you stay like this. I like you better this way." I pretend I don't feel the heat rise in my chest and turn back towards my worksheet. We turned the projects in at the beginning of class and we'll begin presenting tomorrow. I guess I'll have to skip this class tomorrow. I care about my grades, but not enough to speak out to a class full of judgmental assholes.

I stare at the clock as the time ticks by slower than ever. I still don't know how to approach Ethan. Especially since I don't have a single clue what could be going on.

"Hey, you're hair looks good today." I turn to Olivia and her eyes are on my head.

"Yeah...I uh... bought some stuff." I reply awkwardly. I never realized that it's kind of weird that right after she told me I need product for my hair, I ran my ass to the nearest store to get some. Since when did I do stuff like that? Since when have I ever cared about what anyone said about my appearance? Maybe Ethan isn't the only one acting weird. Clearly I'm not acting like myself either.

"Good, I'm glad." She smiles, turning back to her phone. I'm sure she doesn't really give a shit about my hair when her curls are way nicer than mine will ever be. She moves a strand behin her hair and I decide I still want to talk to her.

"So what should I say to Ethan?" She turns back to me, with a look of...sincerity?

"Sometimes people just want to know you care how they're doing." 

"So...you want me to just ask how he's doing?" There's no way that's gonna work.

She shrugs, "Sometimes that's all it takes."

I turn around, thinking about her words. I seriously doubt just by me asking how Ethan is doing all of his problems will be solved. I guess it's a good way to start the discussion, but what am I supposed to say afterwards? As the bell rings and I make my way to my next class, I pray the answers will come to me in the moment.

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