i can't stay mad at you

nineteen

Miles

As the weeks go on, Olivia and I fall more and more in tune with eachother. Things were easy. As a firm and true believer in nothing good can last too long, this scared me a bit.

I couldn't even begin to understand how we just have molded ourselves so gracefully into one another's schedules within a mere few weeks. She is the first text I send everyday, my first thought in the morning and, the first one to make me smile everyday. My brain has turned into a mush habitat at this point. In my head there's basically a 24 hour reel of Liv laughing, Liv smiling, Liv making out with me, yadda yadda. However, I really try to contain these thoughts and remain the stoic evil bastard on the outside, which I still believe that I am. Ethan slightly disagrees.

"Yeah, dude you're kind of a pussy now," my best friend says across the table from me at our favorite diner. "I don't know how to explain it because you're still a huge asshole but your aura has changed." He smirks, waving his hands dramatically around me to encapture my "aura."

"You don't know shit about auras and you're talking out of your ass right now." I roll my eyes. He can be so annoying.

"See! You would have least punched me for calling you an asshole a couple months ago." He says in a "I rest my case" sorta tone. "And I do know shit about auras. For example, I know that instead of yours being the usual soulless black, it has turned to a more less threatening but still evil-like gray hue, ya know?" He sips his milkshake after that mouthful and I roll my eyes again.

"Do you ever get tired of hearing your own voice?" I ask genuinely. "Because I sure get sick of hearing it."

"Whatever, Satan. Where are we going to eat this weekend, for the double date."

"It's not a double date." I state clearly.

"Then what else do you call two couples going out to dinner on a Friday night?" He says.

"I have a hot date, you have a babysitting gig." It's finally my turn to smirk. When Ethan told me Alex was a grade below us, I took it and ran.

"First of all, my date is hot, just wait til you meet him, and second of all, Olivia is also a junior! You're a hipocrite!" He yells. I laugh. I should be getting paid to annoy him at this point.

"I have seen him, remember? He is a scrawny pre-man, and you could do better." I state simply choosing to ignore the rest of his sentence.

"You're such a dick. Act like this in front of him this weekend and we are fucking fighting." He says. I know he means it, I really do, but that doesn't stop me from smirking anyways.

"Olivia is excited to meet him." I change the subject.

"Of course she is, she is the greatest person ever and you better treat her better than you treat your best friend, since birth might I add!" He loves a good dramatic moment, doesn't he?

"Oh I treat her real nice" I wink exaggeratedly. His mouth drops.

"I'm leaving." He gets up abruptly. "I hate you, you're paying for the bill." He walks away and I sit there laugh clapping like an idiot for at least 30 more seconds before I call over for the check.

——
That night, like a lot of nights, I stayed up thinking.

It's been rocky with my mom for a while now. I almost can't remember a time when we were on good terms. After my father committed suicide, she has probably been the last person I want to see any day, at any time. It's hard to look at her. Its hard to want to be around her.