Love Comes in Many Ways.

☀️You're My Universe🌙

Violet☾:

Well, I got an A on my English paper so that's a relief. I don't know how I'm gonna make it up to Penelope. She did most of it; I just sat there and put it all together. She honestly deserves the world and everything beautiful in it. I found myself slacking on school work lately so I decide not to go back to the "hell hole" that I consider home and stick around after school. I've also barely worked on the painting for the play but I like to keep it at the "hell hole" since Mrs. Wittman wanted it a surprise.

"Violet?" I hear from behind me.

"Shawn? What are you doing here? I thought you had to go with your mom somewhere?" I say as I walk towards him.

"No, she said we didn't have to go. I stayed to practice a couple of drum riffs. I'm surprised you're not with Penelope." What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Um, no. I wanted to catch up on homework." I raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Oh... sorry," I heard him mumble as I stood in front of him.

"Is everyone here still? I thought Julien and Penelope left." I asked.

"I think I saw Penelope walk to the auditorium and Julien just... left," He sighed, looking down at his fingers tangled together.

"Oh... that's cool," Why was it so awkward between us?

"Are you gonna go be with her now?"

"No... I was gonna go to the library. Why?" I'm so fucking confused right now.

"Oh, sorry. Do you wanna uh, come into the music room with me instead?" He sounded so innocent. Was I pushing him away without knowing it?

"Sure. That sounds nice having some company," I smiled as I followed him to the music room.

There's a small room in the back that's soundproof so I won't be bothered by Shawn drumming. I get myself settled before going to work on my homework. I'm able to finish three essays, a couple of practice word problems for an AP, and a couple of packets filled with questions. I think I did a pretty damn good job for today.

"How's it goin?" I hear Shawn's soft voice as he lets the door close behind him.

"Pretty well. I think I'm done for the night. How are the riffs coming along?" I close my bulging folder and lean back on the wooden chair.

"They're better. I think they're gonna like them," I watched him look at the papers on the table before looking up at me.

"I'm excited to hear the new sound." I smile.

"I miss you, Violet." He said quickly after with a pout.

"Oh... I-I'm sorry, Shawn. You've just been so busy with the music I've been giving you some space."

"It's not just that. I miss you. I miss us. Do you miss us?" He took my hand into his, not looking away from my eyes.

Why couldn't I speak? What was happening to me? Before I knew it, he leaned in and kissed me.

"Shawn," I pulled away quickly while turning my head away.

"What's Penelope doing that's making you drift away from me? What am I doing wrong? Am I not giving you enough attention?"

"W-what? Shawn, why do you keep bringing up Penelope? What does she have to do with us?"

"I know you're into her, Violet." The silence filled the room. I felt my heart stop beating.

"How did you know...."  I couldn't lie to him.

"We're soulmates... remember?" We stared into each other's eyes before I felt my bottom lip quiver.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. I tried to get over it. I'm so sorry," I found myself crying into my hands. Unable to breathe properly.

He wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me into his chest. I didn't want him to figure it out this way. I feel like shit.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I heard him spoke softly.

"I was scared. I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to ruin everything. I didn't want to lose you."

"I'm sorry you went through this alone, Violet. I'm sure I didn't help either."

"It's not your fault. I should've said something or at least spoken up about it." I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"I love you, Vi. I always will. You know that, right?"

I nodded, "I love you, too."

"I'm still always going to be here for you."

I looked up at him and took a moment to process. I think I officially broke his heart.

"The perfect one is out there for you," He said.

"You deserve so much better, Shawn. I'm so sorry."

He kissed my forehead before looking down at me.

And that was the end of Shawn and me. It was the best for both of us. I feel like a jerk putting him through this. But he understood. He's one of the best people to have in my life. I don't know what I would do without him. 

Oh, Fuck. What am I gonna do now about my feelings for Penelope??

Yeah, I won't feel terrible about crushing on someone now but.... she's still with Julien, and... ugh this is so fucked up. I'm so fucked up. What the hell am I going to do?

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

I lock myself in my room even though I'm home alone and write in my journal for hours. I usually write my feelings, thoughts, song lyrics, and everything I want to say, but can't out loud. I've never shared anything from this book. I would feel way too embarrassed. It's too personal for someone else to see this. Not even Shawn knows about this lil' guy. The content changes a lot. There are a lot of upsetting things in here but recently, it's been a bit more uplifting.

you light up the sky brighter than the stars

you're my light

the one that makes me feel like i'm home

you're my home

those eyes make me feel like i'm floating in space

you're my universe

the one that makes me believe in love again

you're the love of my life

Yeah... I'm fucked. What is it going to take for me to get over this messed-up situation? I'll do anything... I don't want to have to go through being hurt by seeing them together. I'd rather have no feelings than feel my heart stabbed over and over again.

Why do I get myself into these shitty situations? Penelope was a curse and a blessing coming into my life. Now I have to see what the future holds for me...