Goodbye (Naruto Fanfic)

Slit Wrists

TRIGGER WARNING!!!                                                                                                                                                      MATURE!

Naruto POV:

It was peaceful. It was quiet. But they ruined it. They don't understand. Every day I live, every day there is less space for someone else. I am worthless. I take up space. I am unneeded.

Kurama is listless. I don't know why. He is constantly growling and I know that while I was unconscious, he did something? 

Kakashi was in the room. He had been watching me... I waited quietly until he seemed like he was asleep. 

I turned over, deliberately making noise. Kakashi just continued sleeping, undisturbed.

I sat up, slowly, taking stock of myself and my surroundings.

About an hour later, I was changed; even if I had not needed to move slowly for fear of waking Kakashi, I would have had to for weakness. I had even needed to hold onto the furniture at first because my legs were so unsteady. Even now my legs trembled with every step I took, but at least I was moving a bit more surely.

I walked quietly across the floor and opened the window just enough for me to squeeze through and get outside. I then shut the window from the outside. It was dark outside. Cloudless and windless. No one would be able to see me, but the way to the church and graveyard was far.

Steeling myself, I walked shakily and made my way down the path that went from the hospital to the said church.

But someone had been waiting for me.

Kuruma grasped control over my body, before I even could go more than ten steps.

"No-" he said, sternly in my mind, stilling my body, "You are sick, Go back to bed!"

For a moment I was ready to collapse right where I stood.

—Kami, he's going to stop me—

Then I saw a way to get Kurama to help me—without him knowing.

"Please—"I said, directed everything I could on part of the truth. I couldn't lie to my own mind, I knew that, but I didn't have to reveal everything unless Kurama asks a direct question about it. And besides that, the link to him was fading in and out (and it hurt, like everything else) and I would bet he wouldn't want to force anything. "Please Kurama, I need too"  I faltered "To talk to and say goodbye... to Gramps".

Kurama just listened. Knowing he needed a push, I poured my grief into our link, having him drown in it. "Very well,"  I heard the mind-voice heavy with reluctance. "I will help you. But you must rest, after."

"I will," I promised, meaning it, though not in the way Kurama had meant.

Kurama took full reign of my body. Keeping it standing and from collapsing. I was nauseated and disoriented.

"We are here," he said into the mind link, and relinquished my body.

The marble of the Church porch glistened in the moonlight, and I could see light shining under the door. The graveyard was just as quiet as it should be. The entrance to said graveyard being through the church.

"Not for long," Kurama admonished, as I opened the door to the church while leaning on the wall.

"No, Kurama," I said, sincerely. "Not for long."

I got the door open and closed again—then, as quietly as I could, locked it. I then blocked as much of the link I shared with Kuruma as I could.

Steeling myself for what I would be doing, I turned and walked further into the church. With each step I took, I trembled.

"Please forgive me Iruka," I whispered. Voice hoarse from not being used. Taking a kunai from my belt, I slowly pointed it toward my wrist. "I-I'm going to try to—pay for all of what I did," I said, hands shaking, but determination remaining. 

Quickly, before I could lose my courage, I braced the kunai between my thighs, clasping my hands, with the blade in between my wrist. And before I could begin to be afraid, I pulled both wrists up along the kunai-edges, slashing them simultaneously.

The blade was sharper than I had expected, cutting my wrists to the bone. I gasped as pain coursed through my body. The kunai clattering to the floor. Dizziness came over me, and I sagged. Blood began to spread over the marble floor, pooling under my wrists. I watched in morbid fascination.

It was only that moment, did Kurama seem to understand what was happening. He roared, a roar that echoed through the village? Surely not, I was the only one that could hear him...

It was too late though, my eyes wouldn't focus and my wrists had stopped hurting. I was feeling cold, so very cold.

"I'm sorry..." I thought to the frantic tailed-beast. I began seeing black and fell sideways. "I'm sorry... you'll find someone ... better than me. Worthy of you."

Fading in and out of consciousness, the last thing I saw was Iruka's angry and frustrated expression.

Goodbye. 

A/N

Suicide is not the way to go. Your life is beautiful and worth so much more than you know. Please understand that there will be someone who will mourn your death, whether you know it or not.