Me, Myself And I [ Arts & Thoughts Catalogue ]

~Beautiful Now: Opening up - Part 1~

Part 1 - Dwelling in the past

Dedicated to my twin soul who I stronglyadmire and  deeply love. She is one of the pillars that help me stand tall. Thank you. Your a great friend.

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

~She spoke to me, her own words saying the sentence I was dreading to accept the last 4 years,

"As hard as it is, as much  as it will hurt, we have to learn to let the past go.  It was fun then, but you can't live there forever." she smiled softly, her own eyes reflected the raw emotion I had in mine, she held my hands tight, leaning towards me she sat, she was a great listener and a great friend. She was a home I could find shelter in.

Remember bottling emotions? I still do. But I found a way to open all those bottles and to express. I have to admit, it's weird to open up like that. I told her everything, I didn't hide a thing. I wasn't scared to open up to her. I knew I could trust her.

She was a very old friend who I haven't seen for a really long time. Someone who I associated utter happiness with and to see her made my  heart smile. She helped me, she opened my eyes to what I have to do.

I always hated the present. It was bitter. Simply bitter. I found no real happiness. That's why  my  head and heart was always living in the past, the last time I actually had fun and knew what happiness felt like.

It was beautiful then

But she.... she taught me that it is beautiful now too.

I just  had to see it.

What do I mean a beauty? happiness, fun, laughter everything that makes us happy inside out. Everything that makes our hearts  glow and makes our life worth living. 

Beauty would always be there. Whether it be in the past as memories, as old friendships, in photographs, in inside jokes, either way that happiness never died.  It was always there and it will continue to be there. 

Nothing that approaches you now in the present can change that,  and it's that energy, the energy in those past memories and that  mindset that  keeps you from falling into the deep abyss of depression and sadness. It took me a long time to realize, a long time to understand, but It finally did.

"Just takes baby steps,  okay?"

I smiled as I replied,

"Okay..."

I realized that the past isn't a place to dwell in long time ago, but I never could get rid of the camp I had made there years ago.

Guess what? It  was that camping in the past that was weighing me down.

I marched to the present, confident and strong. 

And I loved it.

This is an experience I want to share, I must have broken down endless times, wishing for the past, wishing to be truly happy  again and to not have to live in reality.

That was never going to happen. Nor would my prayers be answered, for I had to change  the way I see things and think in order to gain true happiness.

Stay strong, survive and embrace. Have real friends, open up to people, it's not called being vulnerable, nor is it called being weak. It's called being strong. 

Fuel yourself with the strength from your past experiences and shoot ahead. 

A/N

This a new type of writing in this Arts and Thoughts book. It's called "Beautiful now: Opening up". These types of updates will consist of not thoughts, but messages from raw emotions straight from my heart. I will share my experiences and how to overcome them. It's a new thing I'm trying. I hope you like them ^^