You Make Me Feel Alive , Again .

Chapter Twenty : Out Of Touch .

Author's Note - I named this chapter after a song by Daryl Hall & John Oates . Whenever I listen to this song , I think of this book ; it's kind of my inspiration , I guess . Anyways , enjoy xo .

Marshall's Point of View

I've had about three panic attacks and four mental breakdowns since I've seen Fionna , Ariel and Gumball ; I really didn't expect them to be at the park , but I'm kind of glad it happened . Seeing them triggered a lot of old memories , and I just felt this horrible feeling inside ; I felt regret and guilt , and after everything that happened .. I came to the conclusion that I should have never left them .

The reason I left them was because I didn't want them to have such a fucked up life like mine . Yeah , Fionna may be a vampire and Ariel may be both vampire and human but still , they don't deserve a life of darkness , death and hiding out in the shadows ; I've been trying to stop my bad habits ever since I left , and I've made some progress . I didn't leave them because I didn't love them , of course I loved them .. I still do but I'm not good enough for them .

I've never seen myself so out of control , so out of touch .. I've been distancing myself from everyone and everything ; literally , even the guards are worried about me . Seeing Fionna again brought back a lot of happy memories that I still wish I could have but I can't , not anymore . After seeing my daughter after five years , really made me feel horrible ; I can tell she's an amazing little girl , and it pains me that I wasn't there for her when she needed me the most . I'm a horrible father and boyfriend .. well , ex-boyfriend .. 

I told Fionna that I wanted to start over , that I wanted another chance ; and I meant every word , because it's true . I do want another chance at life , at being a father to Ariel and hopefully , something to Fionna .. But , I doubt that will happen ; I saw the way Fionna looked at Gumball and the way he looked at her . They're clearly in love , I'll just be in the way of their happiness .

But still , I do want to start over with all three of them . They still mean everything to me , even if things didn't go according to plan . When I saw Ariel for the first time , she looked almost exactly like me except for her light blue eyes ; I'm surprised she didn't ask any questions about that , but I could definitely tell that she felt a connection between us . Ever since I went home , all I could think about was her hating me if she found out that I left them , that her father left them when she was just a baby .

I don't want my only daughter to hate me because of a stupid decision I made in the past , I know I can't take it back but that's why I want another chance to redeem myself . I think everyone deserves a second chance in life , we're not perfect . I know I hurt them so much , I know Fionna must've had some rough times without me , Gumball made it clear to me . I'm really glad that Gumball was there for them when I left , I could never thank him enough .

Ariel thinks that Gumball is her father , Gumball told me that she calls him daddy . It does upset me on a real level but I know he's been taking good care of her , so I really can't get angry or overprotective . My babygirl deserves the best life , and I know Gumball can give it to her .

" Your Majesty " The guards open the door to my room . I sigh as I sit up on the bed , looking at the doorway ; they're probably here to tell me to go on more online dates , which is such a drag . I'm not even looking for another girlfriend or whatever .. I already know who I want , but she doesn't feel the same way . I have tried everything I can to get over my romantic feelings for Fionna but I can't ; a vampire only has one zing in their life , and that zing should be cherished no matter what . I know Fionna is the love of my life , my soulmate .. she's the only one that can make me weak , the only one that can make me feel alive , again .. and I would do anything to get that back . " Someone's here to see you " I gasp and start to tear up as I see Fionna in the doorway . The guards leave as soon as they see tears rolling down my cheeks . I stand up , clear my throat and wipe away my tears quickly ; I can't let my feelings and emotions get the best of me again , I'm already exhausted of having so many breakdowns and panic attacks each day .

" Fionna , what are you doing here ? " My voice cracks once again , clearly showing that I'm on the verge of crying but I hold that feeling back ; I'm sure she's here to talk about Ariel or something like that , she wouldn't be here if it was for something else . I was not expecting her to come here , I'm still a bit shocked that she took the time and actually came here . It must be important .

" Is that how you're going to treat me , after everything that's happened ? " She sighs and rolls her eyes . I probably did sound kind of cold and mean , but I'm still surprised she's here . Nobody ever comes to visit me , nobody checks up or me or anything , but I've gotten used to it . I can sense a bit of coldness and pain coming from her ; the way she talks , the way her body shifts positions , etc . I still hate myself for ruining her life and everything , but I didn't think it was that obvious .

We talked for about an hour or so . We talked about everything , and we also apologized ; even though she didn't do anything wrong , she apologized . She blames herself for everything that I've put her through and that breaks my heart . It's my fault that I left , I didn't have enough balls to stay and face the situation ; I was a coward and I didn't appreciate what a perfect life I had in front of me .

" I also came here to tell you something important .. " Fionna clears her throat , her hands beginning to shake . I want to hold her hands , kiss her forehead and tell her that everything is going to be okay but that's not my job anymore , that's not my place ; so , I just look at her and nod .

" I want to start over , too . You deserve another chance to be in Ariel's life .. "