You Make Me Feel Alive , Again .

Chapter Eighteen : Another Chance .

Fionna's Point of View

I couldn't believe my eyes . There he was , in front of me . After five years , I can't believe he's standing right in front of me ; I'm trying really hard not to cry in front of Ariel but it's no use , the tears are already rolling down my cheeks . I try to avoid eye contact but it's no use , I look at him and I immediately can tell that he's about to have a breakdown , too .

" Mommy , who's that ? " Ariel speaks softly against my leg , while pointing at Marshall . I rub her hair back as I look at both Gumball and Marshall . I can tell that that phrase really broke him inside , his own daughter doesn't even know who he is ; I don't want to hurt her , not right now . She's been so happy lately , I don't wanna take that away from her .

" He's just an old friend , sweetie .. " I clear my throat , trying to stop my voice from cracking even more . I'm glad Ariel hasn't noticed all of us crying , even Gumball's crying ; he feels our pain , he knows it's not easy seeing Marshall again . Ariel walks towards him and I can't help but to feel afraid and scared . She laughs as she grabs his leg , all of us look down at her in shock " Hey , mommy's old friend " She smiles at him , and I can tell he's very touched by her ; he's never seen her before , apart when she was a little baby . I'm sure he's really emotional right now , all of us are .

" Hello , sweetheart . Nice to meet you " He says sweetly , clearing his throat . His tears stopped as soon as she hugged his leg , it's amazing how fast he can manage to stop crying ; I wish I could do that . He kneels down in front of her , smiles and rubs her head . She giggles at him , which breaks my heart even more for us . I wish she knew he was her dad but she can't know , I don't want her to get attached to him like I did . I don't want him to hurt her again .

" Ariel , sweetie .. " Gumball says , breaking the awkward and uncomfortable tension between us . I'm so glad he did that , because this is too much for me to take in . And , I don't want Ariel to see me like this , either " Come on , let's play with the little duckies " He smiles down at her , she giggles and starts running toward the lake but she stops , looks back at Marshall and says " It was nice to meet you , Marshall " He gasps as soon as she says his name . He looks at me worriedly , but I look at the ground . She keeps running , while Gumball follows her .

Both of us stay quiet . There's that awful , uncomfortable and awkward tension again . I hate having to feel like this , we used to be so close ; before all of that happened ..

" How does she know my name ? Did you tell her that-- " He cuts himself off and sighs . My mother-instincts feel that she overheard me and Gumball's countless conversations about him . I'm sure she still doesn't know that he's her father , though ; which is a relieve ! I cover my mouth to stop the sobs , I'm on the verge of having a mental breakdown ; I'm glad Ariel is gone because I don't want her to see me like this , I look so unstable . Marshall sees my state and walks towards me , hesitates and wraps his arms around me in a hug ; I gasp as I feel his touch , again .

I want to push him away , I want to yell at him and let all of those emotions out on him but instead , I stay quiet and still . I still haven't gave him a response to his unfinished question , but I know the doubt is still there . I slowly unwrap his arms from around me and step back , clear my throat and say " She doesn't know .. " That's all I can manage to say .

" Fionna , I'm sorry .. " His voice quivers . I know he's not sorry for leaving , for making my life a living hell , he's not sorry and he'll never be sorry . He doesn't know all the shit I went through when he left , I hated myself for so long because I wasn't good enough .. I wasn't good enough for him to stay . Our own fucking daughter wasn't good enough for him to stay !

" You're not sorry , stop fucking lying to me .. " My voice comes out cold , I don't even recognize it anymore ; my voice used to be sweet and caring , now it's all cold-hearted " I have to go , excuse me .. " I wipe away my tears and start to walk away from him , but he grabs my hand and spins me around ; our bodies are closer than they should be . He holds me close , not letting me go ; a part of me wants to run away , but a part of me wants to hold him closer . He looks down at me , lifts up my chin and rubs his thumb against my cheek ; his actions trigger my crying and before even knowing it , I start to cry again .

" I want to start over , Fionna .. " He says , and his words feel like a knife going through my chest ; my chest is tightening , and I can't seem to focus . I want to start over but I don't , I want him to be in Ariel's life but I don't , what's the matter with me ? " Just think about it , please .. " He hesitates before kissing my forehead again , then he leaves . As soon as he leaves , I collapse on the ground ; I seriously can't handle this . I want to break things , I want to scream , I want to cry and I want to .. give up . It's crazy how only Marshall's words can hurt me the way they do .

It takes me about thirty minutes to get myself together . Focus , Fionna .. Don't let him manipulate you like that , be strong for your daughter ! I get the strength to get up and walk towards them . My heart warms up with happiness as soon as I see my daughter feeding the ducks . Her eyes light up as she sees me and runs towards me ; I lift her into my arms and hug her ever so tightly .

I promise , darling , you're not gonna get hurt ever again ..