You May Be The One

Did You Miss Me?

Stevie woke up that morning, eyes still puffy from crying herself to sleep the night before. She looked around for a moment trying to find the time. 11:00. She usually slept later than this, but she couldn't sleep anymore. As she started getting up she heard Karen knock at the door. She walked in with Stevie's coffee and started to ask Stevie how her night had been before she saw Stevie's puffy face and that untouched other side of the bed. Karen didn't care much for Lindsey. She thought he filled Stevie with false hope that they would be together one day while he lived the best of both worlds. She had seen broken hearted Stevie far too often in the last few years and she was tired of it. Not that it mattered. Stevie would do what she wanted. "Here's your coffee honey. You ok this morning?" Karen asked gently. Stevie didn't meet her eyes and shook her head slowly as the tears ran down her cheeks. "What am I doing wrong? I'm trying to understand all of this, I've tried so hard to be ok with all of this. It's so hard. Why am I not enough?" she sobbed. Karen was taken aback. Stevie never let this much out without prodding. She rushed to Stevie's side and wrapped her arms around her. "Oh Stevie, you haven't done anything wrong. You love him with your whole being and it's not something that you can help. Don't cry honey, you're more than enough for anyone. This is just a fucked up situation." Stevie nodded trying to dry her tears. "What is on the calendar today?" she asked trying to change the subject. "You have a free day today. First one in awhile." Karen replied smiling. Stevie patted her hand. "Ok, well I'm going to take a bath and maybe we can find something to do with our time." she said before getting up and walking into the bathroom. Karen shook her head sadly and walked out of the room to call Lori. Stevie needed some cheering up today. "Hey Lori, it's Karen. Are you busy today?" she asked. On the other end of the phone Lori was a little confused by Karen's somber tone but replied, "No, I'm just at home, what's going on?" "Stevie's in the shower now, but I thought she could use a girl's day. She really needs some cheering up." Karen said quietly. "Again? God does he not even care how much he fucks her up? Jesus Christ, this has got to stop." Lori replied, knowing exactly what had happened without even a word from Karen. "I know and she's taking it really hard today. She asked why she wasn't enough. He's got her feeling so bad about herself, like she's not good enough and it's hard to see her this broken down." Karen said honestly. "You know I really have half a mind to give Lindsey Buckingham a piece of my mind. She doesn't deserve this shit. Ok, Karen I'm getting in the car now and I'll probably be there before Stevie is even ready. I suppose she has wine? If not I'll pick some up." Lori told her. "Yeah, you know Stevie always has wine here. Although I'm sure she wouldn't mind something a little stronger." Karen hinted. "Fine, I'll go back in and get a couple of joints from Christopher. God knows those two love that shit." she said hurriedly. "I'll see you in 30." she said before hanging up. 

She took another hit off the joint Lori had brought. She slowly inhaled it allowing it to work for her. "God you two are the best. You always know exactly what I need." she said smiling at Karen and Lori. She was really happy to have such great friends in her life. She had needed them a lot over the years. "So are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on or not?" Lori asked impatiently. Stevie sat there for a moment before answering. "You know I wish I could tell you what was going on, but as I don't fucking know myself I don't really know what to say." she said before taking another hit. "How about you start with last night and then when can go from there. What happened?" Lori pressed. Stevie sighed. "Well I talked to Lindsey on the phone when I woke up. He hadn't been over in about a week and he said he missed me. He told me he would be coming over later that night, but didn't know a time for sure. Which I mean, he never really knows a time, he kind of just leaves when he finds an out. I waited for hours and he never came. He never called. I just don't understand what happened." she said sadly. "Well honey, is that really anything new? I mean I hate to say this, but he does have a wife and family. Maybe he just wasn't able to leave. I'm sure Kristen hasn't been happy with him leaving in the middle of the night. She can't be completely blind." Lori told her honestly. "I know that. Then I start wondering why he didn't come, what he was doing that he couldn't call me. It drives me insane. I know he has her, but the thought of him being with her makes me feel sick. I know she's his wife and I'm, well I don't know what I am. I've always thought that I was the one he loved the most. He tells me he never loved anyone more. I've always believed him when he says it. I just tell myself that I have to get through this and then we won't have to do it anymore. That I'll have him. But last night when I was by myself waiting, yet again, I realized that we've been doing this for years now. He had more kids with her. I can't give that to him as much as I want to, I just can't. It's been a sudden realization that maybe I'm just not enough. I love him more than anything in the world. I would give up anything to be with him, but it's not enough. I'm just not enough for Lindsey and I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop loving him, I don't know that I ever want to stop loving him. I'm getting older and it's harder every time to watch him walk out that door and leave me here. Maybe I've just been lying to myself this whole time. God, why do I love him so much!" she cried, sobs getting louder. Karen and Lori were shocked into silence by Stevie's tearful outburst. Their hearts broke for her, but Karen thought she saw a hint of anger flashing in Lori's eyes. Lori was fiercely protective of Stevie and she was angry. She watched Lori subdue it and pull Stevie in a hug. She smoothed her hair and tried to talk to her. "Stevie, honey, I know you love him. That has never been in doubt honey. I know that Lindsey loves you, too. I want you to look at me Stevie." she told her. Stevie kept her head down. "Stephanie Nicks, look at me!" she commanded. Stevie met her eyes. "You are more than enough for any man let alone Lindsey Buckingham. You cannot let him get away with this. You make it too easy on him. You drop everything for him and he doesn't do the same. You need to find out how dedicated he is to this, to you. He's going to have to make a choice. You don't have to force him to make it now, but you can't live like this honey." she said before a ringing doorbell interrupted her. "I'll get it." Karen told them. Lori handed Stevie a tissue and tried to help her dry her eyes. Karen walked back in with a huge bouquet of beautiful flowers and a large envelope. "Figures." Lori scoffed. Stevie took the envelope in her hands and instantly recognized Lindsey's messy scrawl.