Kind Hearted (Patrick Kane)

56- Coping Mechinisms

Patrick

After we get settled in with the prelims in the Olympics it was time for the real deal. The actual games that mattered and accounted for something. It's not every day you get to represent your country in the Olympics. I've heard that they might go back to having no NHL players in here at all, so I wanted to try my best to experience this just in case I won't get the chance to be here again.

I'm not going to lie, I am still a little broken up right now. This whole thing just isn't the same without my grandpa here. I don't think he would have been able to make it out here even if he was still alive, but I still could have called him after every game like always. I could have heard him tell me that he was proud no matter what I played like because he was proud of who I was. But the bottom line is that he's gone and I can't do anything about it.

"You're thinking about him... aren't you" Tori asks late one night after a elimination game. We had lost in the semis sending us to the bronze medal game which isn't a gold medal but is still a chance at a medal nonetheless. I should still be thankful but my mind just wasn't right.

"I'm always thinking about him" I admit.

"I was thinking the other day when I was watching you play. I think that if were to have a little boy some day I would want his first name to be Patrick because that's your name and your father's name. But I think I would want his middle name to be Donald after your grandfather" she claims and I turn to her.

"Really" I ask.

"Yeah" she smiles. "He would be named after a bunch of really strong men that he will be proud to be related to. When people ask him his name he will say Patrick Donald Kane and he is named after his incredible father and grandfather and his great grandfather. Even though he will never meet him, he won't need to. He'll look at you and your dad and see what a great man he was" she explains.

"I love that" I admit. "And I have to be honest with you too. I think about that kind of stuff all the time" I insist.

"Yeah" she asks and I nod. "What name do you have" she wonders.

"For a girl, I really like Hope" I say and she smiles.

"Like my middle name" I ask.

"Just like your middle name. But it's more than that too. Your middle name is a big part of who you are, a ray of hope in this dark world. Hope for a brighter future. Hope that one day we will all learn to care for each other. You're the hope for people who need it most, like me and all the people in the hospital you help. You embody everything that hope gives to people, and I hope that if we have a daughter she could do the same thing" I explain.

"I love that so much" she claims and I smile.

"Alright. Now all we have to do is have kids" I say and she giggles.

"You don't just up and decide to have kids. If you're lucky you get to plan and be ready to take of on the responsibilities of raising a human being" she explains.

"I think we can do it" I insist.

"I know we can. But just because we can do something doesn't mean we should. I don't want you to say you want a kid now because you have a void to fill then when the time comes you're not so sure anymore because your feelings change, you can't just unmake a child" she says.

"I know. I just think having a kid could heal a lot right now" I shrug.

"Having a kid won't make your heart stop hurting. You can't replace your grandfather, even if the kid takes his name. Your grandfather gave you 25 great years, there isn't a thing in this world that would amount to what he means to you. And a child is a gift and a miracle, but it's not a coping mechanism" she explains.

"When do you want to have kids" I wonder and she lets out a sigh.

"I don't know. There's never a good time to have kids. I plan on working until I can work no more and you're in the prime of your career. If we wait to settle down and be absolutely ready for a kid we're going to be so old. So I guess whenever we decide that the time and our minds are right, then we can make that decision" she says.

"Do you think it could be any time soon" I ask and she laughs.

"Do you really want a kid right now" she questions.

"No. I think you're right, I just want a kid because I lost someone close to me. I don't know the first thing about being a father and although I do want a kid, the time isn't right. But I do know I can't wait to start a family with you" I explain.

"Are we going to get married" she asks and I smile.

"Yeah. We're going to get married" I promise.

"When" she asks.

"If it was up to me, a while ago" I insist.

"Then why aren't we married yet" she wonders.

"I don't know" I admit. "If I asked you to leave these Olympics right now and find somewhere to elope, would you do it" I ask.

She lays there for a while to think about I before finally giving me her answer.

"I would" she claims.

"You would" I gasp and she nods.

"I would. Do you remember when I told you that the thing I'm most afraid of is what I don't know" she questions.

"Yeah, I remember that" I admit.

"Well if there's one thing in this world that I'm sure of, it is that I love you. And that love is strong and will last way past when we are gone. So I don't care how or when we get married. As long as I have you that's all that matters" she claims.

"I'll keep that in mind" I smile.