Beatles Imagines

37. Paul

"Can't you just listen to me for once?" I shouted at him through glossy eyes. I glared holes into the side of his head which refused to even acknowledge my very existence. I bit into my bottom lip, feeling a familiar metallic taste on my tongue when I pierced it too harshly.

A man whom I didn't recognize in the room with him looked at me with widened eyes and a slack jaw. Understanding the intensity of the situation, he looked at us both wearily before sauntering out of the studio quietly. I almost wanted to apologize, but I had too much rage pounding through my veins to even think twice about what lye in my path of destruction.

He sat on his piano stool, continuing to play the melody of some song I was sure he was working on. He hadn't looked back towards me once since I had been in the room, much to my dismay. It was something I had grown accustomed to: me fighting with all of my willpower to try to save our marriage, and him ignoring me endlessly. It started out with long hours in the studio, though it didn't worry me then; he had always been a profectionist and wouldn't leave until everything fit to his creative idealism. But, when he came home without a word to speak nor an ear to listen, I knew that he had forgotten to care about me along to way.

I hadn't had a proper conversation with him in a month. He craved solitude, and ignored me at all costs. He eventually began eating meals separately from me, and went as far as to even sleeping on the couch every night. Everything was at a halt, a complete standstill.

In all honesty, this was the last straw I could pull before I succumbed to his silence and retired from his presence all together. For after all, how could I love a man who made me feel more alone than if it were only I in the room?

"You, you have tortured me with this silence for months. You have nothing to say for yourself, and if you do, you do not show it. You are not a man, you are a hollowed shell: completely empty. I have tried everything, Paul, every goddamn thing. I will not beg for your affection anymore. I am tired and feel completely desolate with you tied beside me. I am tired of carrying around dead weight." I pursed my lips together, wiping the wetness from under my eyes. I did not know why I was crying, I had no reason to be.

I also didn't know why, but I felt a twinge of hope in my heart. I had thought that emotion was long dormant inside of me, but the naive little feeling struck within me, and I hoped that he would respond. But, the feeling vanished as soon as I came to the realization he hadn't even halted his music.

My jaw clenched as he continued to play the same damn tune over and over again. The sound bellowed in my ears louder than any word he could make. It mocked me, the seemingly jubilant song mocked me, growing more intense and louder each second it played on. A bitter taste filled my mouth and I wanted nothing more than to destroy the instrument entirely. My hands shook with fury by my sides, and I clenched them in order to refrain myself from doing anything reckless.

"I want a divorce." I seethed. I felt like I was the embodiment of anger itself as I spat out the words. I had never loathed anyone more in my life than him. I hated him.

Finally, his fingers halted on the piano and a deathly silence which I knew all too well, filled the large room. He did not turn his head to look at me, however; he remained completely motionless.

"A divorce?" He questioned with a completely placid tone of voice.

More tears ran down my face as I heard him talk to me for the first time in weeks. I almost thought I had imagined them, until I saw his head turn slightly, expectant of a response. More hatred filled my being, and I wanted nothing more than to scream at him for abandoning me. But I didn't, because I finally had realized that it didn't matter how much I created a calamity; he did not care.

"Yes." I responded hastily. "I've already spoken with a lawyer, and he said it could be over within the week. It'll be just how you want it to be. It'll be like I was never even here."

"Who says I don't want you here?"

And for the first time in a long time, I laughed. It bellowed throughout the room, and I clutched my stomach in pain as laughter racked my body. I couldn't get over the fact that after all of this, he still wants me with him. It was such a humorous lie, that I couldn't help but laugh bitterly at him. Tears gathered at the edges of my eyes and it took me a solid minute to calm down.

"You haven't talked to me for 13 days." I continued to chuckle, although I found no humor in the actual words I was saying. "We practically live apart. You don't love me, don't even bother lying. I don't even think you ever did."

"I did, very much so." He responded quietly, his voice finally hinting at some sort of emotion. He finally turned all the way around on his bench, looking way more composed than I have in ages. "I do not want a divorce. I will not allow it."

"And why not?" I snapped at him, ignoring the surprise that he was actually looking at me right now. "You do not love me! Why are you torturing me like this? Can't you see that I do not want to play your charades anymore? I don't want this!"

Guilt surfaced in his eyes as he took in my appearance. It was as if he were noticing for the first time how much pain he had inflicted upon me. For all I knew, it was. A sigh parted through his lips as he averted his gaze to an empty chair across the room.

"I wish I could love you...want to be able to be able to like I used to, but I- I cannot. Time passed and my feelings changed. I'm sorry I've hurt you. You do not deserve me or this life, I should've ended things earlier. But I am selfish. I didn't want you to leave me and find another. Everyone has forgotten me, and I didn't want you to be like them."

"No, it is you that has forgotten me." I responded point blank, ignoring the pain in my chest as he admitted he did not love me.

As far as his other words went, they were far too forced and late to have any value. I doubted his reasons and loathed his self-pity. He was certainly not the man I married four years ago, and neither was I. The difference was I had not discounted and neglected him.

"Please just hear me ou-"

"I am not going to hear you out when you have not even accounted my presence in three months. I am going to send you the divorce papers, and I expect you to have signed them by the end of the week. We will have no further contact, and I doubt you will have a problem with that." I deadpanned.

"I will sign them if that is what you wish." He dragged his hands down his face with a faint glimpse of despondency in his eyes. "I truly am sorry for what I've done to you."

"Next time you find someone, don't throw them into the gutters when you're done using them." I pursed my lips at him, before turning around on my heel and leaving without another word.

'  His hands quickly found themselves entangled in my hair as I sat against him on the grass. He was singing a quiet and familiar melody that I knew yet didn't know the name of. I stared up at the expansion of the sky, admiring the blue hues which seldom found their way to Brighton.

"How is it that I'm so lucky?" He questioned much to my confusion.

"What?" I chuckled confusedly, leaning my head against his chest.

"Well, it's a beautiful day and I have a beautiful wife so I'm just wondering as to how I've struck this much luck." His hands moved downwards and enveloped my small ones in an embrace. "I just hope that one day my luck doesn't run out, you know?"

"Oh, don't be so morbid, I love you." I turned around to face him before planting a hasty kiss to his forehead. "Don't forget that."

"I love you too." He smiled softly, his eyes absorbing my every feature like I was something completely foreign to him. I didn't know how he could look at me like that, as though he were placing his eyes upon me for the first time every day. "Til' death do us part?"

I laughed at his attempt to be cheesy, knowing in reality, that was probably the only line he remembered from the marriage vows apart from the 'I Do's'.

"Til' death do us part."  '