The Broken

Twenty: The Broken

"Girls like her, my grandfather once warned me, girls like her turn into women with eyes like bullet holes and mouths made of knives. They are always restless. They are always hungry. They are bad news. They will drink you down like a shot of whisky. Falling in love with them is like falling down a flight of stairs. What no one told me, with all those warnings, is that even after you've fallen, even after you know how painful it is, you'd still get in line to do it again."

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She woke up not bearing the guilt that was invading her. Her only excuse resided in something she read on the internet when she first started aching whenever he's around her. Stockholm syndrome, she repeated to herself, as if it was some disease that she'll recover from if she follows the doctor's prescription. But what she did and felt yesterday proved to her how sorry of an excuse that was. She cheated on her so called love of her life. She cheated on someone she thought she loved with all her heart, with someone opposite to him. How could she be attracted to both of them at the same time with so much differences between them? They were both ends of the spectrum. Something was wrong with her.

She loved them both, truly. She felt strong with Jason, she was in control. She called the shots and most importantly she was the one to protect him. But with him she lived her life in fear. Whereas, with Michael, the weakness was radiating from her; but deep down she knew he was going to protect her ever since he stopped triggering her history of abuse. With him she wasn't scared anymore. One gave her a sort of stability in love, while the other gave her an adventure with a little danger.

Her thoughts and her feelings were overwhelming. She let her back fall down on the bed as she contemplated the ceiling of her room. One was the love of her life, and the second was just a fling. That's what she kept telling herself. And she wasn't going to stay to find out the true answer.

On a quick blow, she took her last decision regarding this chapter of her story.

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Jason couldn't wait much longer. He already wasted so much time being away from her, but not anymore.
A doorbell stopped him while he was getting ready to start his journey of finding her, with an envelop awaiting him at the door.
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Michael had left her alone, not surveilled for the first time so he could set a trap for the new gang and reclaim his throne in the eyes of many, most importantly hers.
Not knowing that the real battle was in his house, he came back victorious at one to find an envelop awaiting him, declaring his loss at another.

They both opened them at the same time, sealing their fates simultaneously. At this moment they were linked more than ever. And if they knew that both of them got one letter, they would've burned them to ashes before being forced of acknowledging each's presence.

And no matter how many scenarios they imagined on how the confrontation with her is going to be, no scenario included this.

"I used to watch the sun rise every morning hoping it'll bring me back to him.
Then i started waiting for the sun to set so i could watch him.
The first one was my destiny, the second one was my demise.
I only chose one, while the other was forced on me.
But i loved them both.
While hoping for one, and watching the other, i discovered i have lost myself the most.
While loving them both, i discovered i loathed myself the most.
I'm facing a choice i can never make, or that at least for now is impossible to envision.
So, for once in my whole life, i'm choosing myself instead. These years allowed me to reflect on many things i was neglecting but it's time to engage in my personal journey. I tried fixing everyone, but ended up scarring myself even more. My own therapeutical journey is awaiting.
So i'm sorry Jason, i tried my best to spare you the pain, only to understand that salvation should come only from within you.
As for you, Michael, stop being angry at the whole world, you already got your revenge from everything and everyone. You are not full of grudge and hatred, your darkness is capable of love and i saw it with my own eyes. Allow that; embrace that.
There has been nothing to make me feel quite as powerless as wanting to save you both and knowing in my heart that i couldn't.
I am leaving my heart with the both of you, in the hope of coming back one day to reclaim it.
I apologize for leaving the both of you after trying so hard to help you put your pieces back together; but it's my turn now, i am the broken.

Ps: Let it carved in your minds, that Love is the most powerful thing on earth. Love made Jason want to sober up to overcome his trauma; and Love made Michael forget about his vendetta. It is within the both of you. Use it for good; use it to change for the best, and please never lose it.
- Love, Pamela."

They both wanted to protect her from everything, that they forgot to protect her from themselves; and this was the price they had to pay. But even if they won't see it now, they sure got out victorious of this battle, because she made them understand what was wrong with the both of them, and that there's always an opening for improvement.

Her traces are left in the Love she implanted in both men.
———

In the time they were reading it, she was far enough to not be found. She chose to start her own therapeutical journey after the intense incidents of the past years.

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AND THAT'S A WRAP! THANKYOU FOR READING I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS RIDE!