The Broken

Eighteen: Stockholm syndrome

"So tell me what I need to do
To get myself away from you
To keep myself from going down
All the way down with you
All the way down with you"
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What did she really mean by "i'll be yours" ? Was she out of her freaking mind? Being his, didn't mean just living with him this time; it meant everything she didn't want to go through. Or was it her excuse to get him? Maybe in a deep deranged part of herself she wanted to be his.

But how could she put herself in this situation? He's gonna want every little bit of her. He's gonna want her both physically and mentally. Could she deliver? Most importantly, could she bear it?

How could she do this to Jason? Come and prove to him how much she loves him yet leave once again for another deal he ignored. Does he know what she's about to do? And if he did, would he let her? Would he love her still?

Cheap; that's the word he used when he thought that someone else had touched her; is she going to be cheap in his eyes this time too? What about herself? How would she feel in her own skin? Would she even have a skin to feel? What does it take for her to become cheap? When you sleep with someone you love, you're not cheap. But when you sleep with someone you don't love, that's when you become cheap? So it's all a matter of love. And if so, does love forgive all the acts? I mean, you're forgiven, you're not cheap, if you're giving yourself TO your lover, but is it the same if you're giving yourself FOR your lover? Both are acts of love, so if love forgives everything, it should forgive this too, right?

Did she think everything she did could be justified in the name of love?

Or do being his is what her deepest hidden desires truly want?
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To her luck, when they arrived, Harry informed her that Michael won't get back before midnight. It was an urgent affair, as he called it. A dangerous and urgent affair that couldn't be postponed, so he left before they got back. Meanwhile, he gave specific orders to Harry on not leaving her side, which didn't suck altogether. This way, she'll have more time to review her plan and perhaps get more info from the closest person to Micheal.

"Don't you help him with everything? How did he leave without you?" She said after giving him his glass of bourbon.

"There are others who help him too." Harry replied, letting the liquid burn his throat. This conversation will last long.

"How many?"

"A lot."

"Is any of the things you do legal?" She asked again, aiming to know more.

He sighed and rubbed his neck looking for the right words, "he did it all for Jack."

"I heard. But Jack is gone now."

"He's deep in it, Pamela. He can't just drop everything right now. Besides, what would he do? Can you picture Michael behind a desk?"

"At least he'll be safe. I have a bad feeling about today."

She didn't realize what she said until she saw Harry's face expression. "Whatever, it's his life," she corrected, repressing her sudden concern. To hell with everything he's done and will do.

"He'll be fine, don't worry."

"I'm not worried." She pressed her lips together.

"He's not a bad person."

"Until now, i concluded he's bipolar."

"That's something good." He replied, earning a confused look. "It means he showed you both parts of him."

"Both parts?"

He gulped the rest of the alcohol and leaned back on the couch, "I believe that everyone has two sides; one darker than the other. And mixing both of them, creates our personality. As for Michael, the two sides are easily distinguished because they rarely come out together. He's either heartless, or caring and loving. But ever since Jack's death, i could count on my fingers only, the times he let his good side overcome his bad."