Chapter 13
Hayes is leaving for Boston in a week. That's where the next tour is.
It's a bitter-sweet thing.
I'm so proud of him, but at the same time, I'm going miss him.
I'm sitting on a dock by the lake by myself. I'm not answering Hayes' texts because I just need to be alone to think.
Who am I kidding, I'm alone because I don't want him to see me cry.
I got yet another text from Hayes.
Hayes: baby, I'm starting to get worried. Where are you?"
Ignore.
I really don't want him to leave. I know I'm sort of throwing a pity party but I don't care anymore.
I just don't know what I'm going to do without him.
I know a week doesn't sound like that long but the tours are eventually going to extend to longer than a week before long. Hayes is going to do online school because he'll be gone most of the time.
So even when he is here, he won't be at school with me.
Ding!
Another text.
Hayes:please answer me.
More tears come rushing.
Before long he won't have time to text me anymore.
Absolutely none of this is his fault in any way, but I just feel so alone even though I could be in his arms right now.
I'm mad at everything.
At the creators of Vine.
At the creators of MagCon.
At my feelings.
Everything is going downhill.
The best possible thing that could happen right now is Hayes texting me saying:
"Alli, you can come. You an come on every single tour I ever go on and I can hold you in my arms for the rest of our days and-"
"Hey." Someone said and I jumped.
"Woah, I didn't mean to scare you." It was Matt.
I wiped my tears away and fake smiled.
"Oh, hi." I said.
He sat down beside me.
"How'd you find me."
"Lucky guess." He said and smiled.
"You know, Hayes doesn't want to hurt you." Matt said.
"I know. It's not his fault. I'm just so... angry. I knew if he saw me like this he wouldn't go on tour so, I ran away for a bit." I said and a tear slipped down my face.
"He's been texting you all day. He's worried." Matt said and wiped my tear away.
"I know." I mumbled.
"It's just going to get harder. When the tour gets longer. When we're more famous. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but..." Matt said and I lost it.
That was all it took.
Confirmation that it was going to get harder. That I was going to be miserable more often. That life would feel lifeless for longer.
He hugged me and I cried in his shirt.
"I'm so sorry." I said and lifted myself up.
"It's fine. You needed a shoulder to cry on. I'm here for you." Matt said and rubbed my back.
"Why can't life just do what I want it to? Why does it have to be so mean?" I cried.
"Because... Well. It's life. It's not supposed to be perfect. For anyone." He said.
"It looks pretty good for you. You're a good looking guy with lots of friends and you're nice. It seems pretty legit." I sniffled.
"Are you serious?" he said.
"My girlfriend died last year. She was the one. The one I was supposed to always be with I just knew it. But she died. Like, never coming back. Ever." He said.
"My life is not perfect or good anymore. Since she died I've been moping around like a freak and I just went to Vine because I needed a cover up. I wanted to look like the guy with the perfect life. Like the guy who is trouble-free and has no worries. I may look like him, but I'm not. Don't you ever say your life isn't good because you have it a lot better than most people." Matt said and his eyes got red and his hands were cupping my face gently.
"I'm so sorry. I-I didn't know." I said and cried harder.
"It's okay. I shouldn't have gotten that worked up. I'm sorry." He whispered and looked into my eyes.
"Matt, I-" I said and Matt pulled my face closet to his and kissed me.
My body went limp.
This isn't supposed to happen.
"Oh my- get away from her!" Hayes came up behind us and we jumped.
"Oh my God, Alli I'm so sorry." Matt said.
"Dude, I thought you were my friend. Don't ever touch her again. And you." Hayes looked at me.
"You betrayed me. I thought you loved me. I really did." He said, almost whispering.
I was still crying and this brought more tears to my eyes.
"No- you got it all wrong. It was me. It was my fault. Don't leave her. She needs you." Matt said.
"Shut up." Hayes said.
"We're done." He said to me and ran away.
"Oh my God. What-?" I whispered.
"Alli, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to- I got caught up in the moment. I'm so sorry." Matt said.
"What just happened?" I asked.
My mind feels fuzzy and my stomach hurts.
"Alli, he didn't mean it." Matt said and I just broke down crying.
I couldn't breathe.
I started to hyperventilate and then all I could see was Matt screaming for some reason.
And then black.
I woke up in the back of an emergency van and Matt was crying over me.
"Stay awake, honey. Don't let your eyes close. Not until we get you to a doctor." I heard a paramedic saying.
All the events from the past hour came rushing to my mind.
My tears, the kiss, Hayes.
I reached over and Matt held my hand.
"I'm so sorry. I can't do this again. I can't.." He said and squeezed my hand.
"Stay awake for me. I'll call Hayes later." Matt said and a tear fell on my hand.
We got to the hospital and I was rushed into the building.
"She's in major shock." I heard a woman yell.
Just before they pulled me into a room I saw Nash, Hayes, and Cam running down the hall.
Hayes looked at me and dropped to his knees.
The woman told Matt he couldn't come in and he was left by the door fighting the doctors.
"Let me be with her! I can't do this again!" He yelled.
I couldn't keep my eyes open any more. I wanted everything to go away. I needed to be in my own bed. I needed to be back with Hayes. In his arms. On his lap. I wanted him to still love me. My vision got blurry right after I saw my mom run into the room, bawling. And then black-again.
-----
I woke up to my mom holding my hand and praying.
"Mom." I said, my throat was so dry.
"Baby girl." She said and started crying.
That's what Hayes called me.
"What happened?" she cried.
I told her everything.
"I was so confused. I didn't know what had happened. He doesn't love me anymore mom. He hates me!" I cried.
"Calm down. He doesn't hate you. He's right outside." She said and wiped tears away.
"Do you want me to call them in?" she asked.
"I want Matt." I said.
"What? Why?" she asked.
"I'm not sure. I'm just going with my gut right now, Mom. You have to trust me." I said and sniffled.
A moment later Matt came in and threw himself at me.
"I'm so glad you're going to be okay. I'm so sorry, Alli. I-I don't know what happened. Hayes is out there, he wants in bad." Matt said.
"Wait, Matt. I need to know something. Why did you kiss me?" I asked.
I have no idea what's going on. I'm just saying things. I have no control anymore.
"I don't know." He said.
"It won't happen again, though." He added.
"I'm so overwhelmed. I love Hayes but that kiss.." I said.
"If you love Hayes, that kiss was nothing." He said.
"I do, but I think I love you, too." I said.
"You do?" he asked.
"Yes." I said.
"How can I love two people so much? I can't make a decision. I'm just, I don't know." I said.
"I love you, too. I thought, after my girlfriend died, I would never love anyone ever again. But, it's you." Matt said.
Matt leaned in and I closed my eyes.
This kiss was perfect. It was the only thing that made me forget about everything.
Matt pulled away and smiled.
"Yea, it's you." He said.
I smiled, too. But then the moment was ruined.
"Matt, I'm sorry. I don't know if it's you or Hayes. I'm so confused right now. Can I just have some time to think about it?" I asked.
Matt paused and his smile faded.
"Yea, of course. If Hayes comes in here and you can tell it's him, it can be him. It's your decision. No pressure." Matt said.
"I'll send him in." Matt said and wiped a leftover tear from my face away. This was the first time today I haven't been crying.
A few minutes later, Hayes came in.
"Oh my God." He said and rushed over to me.
"Alli, Matt explained everything. I'm so sorry I called it off. Are you okay? How are you feeling?" He asked.
I saw that concerned face and I made a decision. It's Hayes. I know it. At least I think.
"I'm okay." I said.
"This is my fault. I'm not going on tour...without you." He said.
"What?" I asked.
"You heard me. Come with me. Please." Hayes held my hand and kissed my forehead.
"For real?" I asked.
"Yes. Please. I can't stand to be away from you, either." He said.
"Yes, Hayes. I'll come with you." I said and really smiled.
Hayes called Cam, Nash, my mom, and Matt in the room.
When they shuffled in, I gave Matt a smile.
"The doctor said you're good to go home tomorrow morning. We leave in a week so you should be all healed up. I'm so glad you're coming. Now, I have another question: will you go back out with me?" Hayes got on one knee and pulled the random box from his room out of his pocket.
When he opened it, there was a ring. It was a promise ring.
It had 10K white gold surrounding a beautiful, pink diamond.
"It's a promise ring. Alli Stella Singer, do you promise me that, as long as we're together, you will be honest with me no matter what and tell me when there's a problem so I can work my hardest to fix it and make life better for both of us?" Hayes asked.
I glanced over at Matt. He looked so sad.
"It's your decision." I could hear Matt saying.
I closed my eyes.
"Yes, Hayes. Yes I do." I opened my eyes and smiled.
Cam and Nash cheered and Matt clapped a couple of times. My mom had her hand over her heart.
Hayes put the ring on my finger and I examined it.
"It's so beautiful." I said and Hayes got up.
"I'm so sorry for yelling at you. It will never happen again." He said and kissed my lips.
I felt...guilty. Should I?
I still felt Matts kiss on my lips when I kissed Hayes.
Both of Matts kisses.
His kisses were so sweet.
I looked over at him and he half smiled.
It's my decision. Stop feeling guilty.
I told myself.
Cam and Nash talked to me for a while and then they decided to go home.
"Well be back tomorrow to pick you up. I love you." Hayes pointed to me.
"Okay. Sounds good. I love you back." I smiled.
Matt stayed behind for a minute.
"So Hayes is your decision?" He asked.
"Yea." I nodded.
"Friends?" he asked.
"Best friends?" I asked back.
"Best friends." He hugged me and laughed.
"I'll be back with the guys tomorrow. I should catch up to them. Get better." He said and left.
"Wow. Emotional day for everyone, huh?" My mom said and picked up my hand.
"Alli, are you still following your gut? I see the way you look at Matt." My mom asked.
"Yes, Mom. Don't complicate things." I said.
"Alright, alright. Teenage love." She shook her head.
"Now, let me see that ring!" She came up to me and gawked at it.
"Alli, this ring is very valuable, he must really care about you." She said.
"And I really care about him." I said and smiled.
We talked for 20 more minutes and then my mom told me to get some rest.
When she left I slowly began to fall asleep.
I breathed in and out in a slow motion.
I peacefully went to sleep.
This is not how I thought tonight would end at all.
I guess life throws you curve balls sometimes.
You just have to hit them right.
It hit it right, right?
