crushed dreams

heartbeat

when you yell or speak
the wrong way my heart
hurts. i feel like crying
because i feel like i'm not
good enough to be your
child. i shouldn't have to
feel like this.

my heartbeat speeds up and
racing cause you always
tell me i did something
wrong and tell me i'm
not as good as my siblings
and that i should do better.

yes i know that i should
do better. i know that i'm
better than what i am now.
but what you do and tell me
isn't the right way. let
me tell you how.

you shouldn't be yelling at
me for a little mistake. you
should say that it's okay.
you act more like a child
then you do a parent. you
shouldn't of had me or
the rest of us.

it pains me to see you act
the way you do but what
can i do? besides watch and
teach myself never to be
someone like you. you
never taught me how
to do anything. i always
learned by myself.

i do love you you're my
father, but teach me how
to do better. talk to me
instead of yell. i'm only
fourteen and i know way
more than i should. you're
forty five act like it. i feel
more mature than you it's sad
and disappointing.

some days i don't know
why i put up with the shit
you do. i ask myself if i
should stay with mom
and leave you. i know
i should go but i'm not going
to. cause once i leave you're
gonna hate me more than
you already do.

yesterday you should've
did what you did. but you
did it anyway without
thinking. i've never been so
scared in my life. i shouldn't
have to call the cops to
be protected by someone
who should protect me.

let me just leave with my
girlfriend and well have a
nice day, week, or maybe
years. she'll do everything you
didn't do. she'll teach me
things i need to learn.
the day i leave you alone
i hope you can realize you
can never replace me
because i was one of the
best things you could ever
have.