wilderness | paul lahote

{12}

I was sitting in the living room, reading a magazine that I had found on the small coffee table. I hadn't seen Paul since yesterday morning, and as much as I hated to admit it to myself, I missed him. 

The weather had cleared up since yesterday, now only overcast without the rainfall.

Emily had gone out early morning to help Sue with something. I had learned that Sue was her aunt. She also had two kids, Seth and Leah. Jared had said that Leah wasn't the easiest to get along with, so I hadn't offered to go along with Emily, and she hadn't asked. It was nice to have some me time after all.

Heavy footsteps came in from the front door, soon enough walking to the room I was in.

"Emily isn't home yet, is she?" Jacob asked as he walked over and took a seat on the couch next to me. I pulled my legs out of his way just before he plopped himself down. I shook my head, looking up at him over the magazine I was reading.

"She's at the Clearwaters. Said she's going to be back by lunch," I said as I placed the magazine down on the couch, between us two. I sat, hugging my legs close to my chest, resting my chin on top of my knees. Jacob looked at me, he seemed tired.

"You okay?" I asked him, remembering how he had asked me the same thing a few nights ago.

He looked at his hands, that were folded on his lap. "Yeah, just tired."

"I can tell."

"Are you telling me I look rough or something?" He teased, a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, you look awful." I giggled, him joining me.

"What about you? You seem to be recovering nicely." He said, smiling at me.

"Well, my ribs don't hurt as much anymore. The bruising is slowly going down. And well," I motioned to my arms and my face, "These cuts seem to be healing too. I'm a tough cookie, can't wreck me this easy." He laughed.

"And mentally?"

"I'm fine." I assured him. Not so sure about it myself, but I had to keep up the fake it until you make it mentality. Everything I had been through in my life - and recently for that matter - had been rough. And no normal person could ever feel a hundred percent fine. Add on the confusion of everything, plus Paul. My mind was constantly racing a million miles an hour.

We sat there in the quiet for a bit, both just looking at our hands. Silence with Jacob was always comfortable. I had heard he had trouble with a friend of his - Bella I think had been her name. And I had assumed he was as confused about his life as I had been of mine at this moment.

I looked up at him as a smirk grew on his face. "So, I heard some fun gossip." He sounded like a preteen girl saying that, I snorted.  "What?"

"Nothing, nothing. Go ahead, tell me the goss." I chuckled again.

"I heard about you and Paul." He wiggled his eyebrows as he looked at me, my expression turning serious. I buried my face between my knees, covering my head with my hands.

"Let me guess," I mumbled. "Jared and Embry."

"You could say so yeah," he was laughing. I didn't look up at him. My head was spinning now.

"So," he paused. "What's going on with you two?"

I sighed as I lifted my head, resting my chin back on my knees. "Nothing."

"I met him literally a few days ago. I'm still quite sure he doesn't like me. Plus he's so unpredictable it drives me insane. I'm not looking to let anyone else in right now."

He nodded. His smirk gone now. "I get what you mean." The mood had changed again. The sadness taking over like a dark wave. I had to breathe to keep myself from drowning.

Jacob looked back towards the kitchen and got up. "I'll see you later, okay." I had assumed Sam had come back home or that he had to be somewhere.

I nodded and lightly waved at him as he turned and walked out towards the kitchen. I lay down on the sofa, closing my eyes, breathing deeply.

Why did everything around me have to include Paul? Why was I so drawn to him? What was I missing? All these questions plus millions more ran through my brain. I had only known him - all of them - for a few days. But in these few days he had taken over my thoughts completely. He had confused me more than anything ever had. Yet he fascinated me, and I kept going back to him. In a way, I hated it. I tried so hard to keep him away. And I decided to try harder.

I felt the couch tip as someone sat down at the end of my legs, startling me. I opened my eyes to see none other than Paul sitting there, looking at me, his eyes serious again. "You're scared easily." He said, still looking at me.

"I'm not. You just enjoy sneaking up on me." I said, sitting up. He smirked. "Sam's out if you're looking for him." I said, sitting up.

"I didn't come for Sam."

"Oh," I said as I got up from the couch to get a glass of water from the kitchen. Anything to get away from him.

"Wait," He said as he followed me into the kitchen.

"I was thinking that we should go out on the beach." That proposition had took me by complete surprise, probably evident on my face. I poured myself a glass of water, drinking it with more enthusiasm than probably necessary.

I nodded, still surprised. "Uhm. Yeah, sure. When?"

"Now. If that's okay?" I nodded, placing the glass down on the counter.

"I'm gonna go grab my hoodie." I said before running upstairs to my room, closing the door behind me. I stood there, completely confused, processing everything. I wanted so badly to keep away from him, to not get more attached. Yet I couldn't say no, even if I wanted to. He wanted to spend time with me. And I had agreed. I cursed myself for not standing strong with the promises I made myself.

I grabbed my black hoodie from the dresser, pulled it on and ran back downstairs. He was standing there, leaning on the kitchen counter, waiting. For me.

"I'm ready," I said as his focus shifted to me. He smiled. "Let's go then."