wilderness | paul lahote

{23}

I didn't quite understand the sudden mood change. How he had gone from clearly sad and tired, having been gone for more than a week, to his own happy, a bit cheeky, self. His mood change had in turn affected me, and I didn't mind that at all.

Everything still played on my mind though. I was excited, yet extremely nervous to find out everything that had been going on. I was about to understand everything I've been confused about during the time I've stayed here. I didn't know if I was relieved about it, or just anxious.

Probably both.

We walked downstairs as he held my hand in his still. Neither of us had noticed and it seemed as though neither of us felt uncomfortable about it.

I realised again that Sam didn't know about Paul being here and felt nervous for him. I didn't want another fight. I didn't want Paul getting angry again and disappearing. My hand squeezed his as we rounded the corner to the kitchen. He looked calm as can be, a small smile on his lips.

Emily and Sam were standing, talking in the kitchen. No one else was here yet, which was weird. Usually the boys were always here for breakfast.

Emily looked over to us, her smile faded a bit as her eyebrows raised. Sam looked over to where Emily was looking. As he looked at Paul, his jaw tensed. I bit the inside of my lip. Expecting Sam to go off at Paul.

"Good morning. Surprised to see you, Paul." Emily said as she put the plates on the table.

"When did you get here?"

I let go of his hand and rushed over to the table. I needed to sit down, my head was spinning from nervousness.

"Last night." He said as he took a seat next to me. "I hope you guys don't mind."

Sam shook his head, leaving me surprised at how calm this all was. "Glad you're back again." He simply said as he sat down across from us.

I let out the breath I was holding, making Sam and Paul both look at me. "Sorry. I was nervous."

Paul chuckled a little and shook his head before he dug into his food.

Breakfast was nice. The four of us sat and talked, just casual conversations. Sam had caught Paul up with everything going on. And Emily and I had just been chatting about the weather, food and how Sue would like me to visit soon. The other boys had not been here this Sunday morning. Jake had been hanging around with his dad and later Bella. Embry had been helping his mother and Jared was out with his girlfriend. Those two were inseparable.

I wasn't paying attention to the boys conversation before, but something slipped by that made me go silent. The name Victoria.

As Sam said it, Paul tensed beside me, his eyes went angry. His face was cautious as he looked at Sam. Sam nodded as if understanding something that I didn't.

Emily got up and took the plates, my eyes were still fixated on Paul.

"Do you want to stay in today or go out?" He asked as he looked at me, his expression softening now.

"You're staying?" I asked, surprised. He nodded as he smiled, which in turn made a grin grow on my face as well.

I looked out of the window that showed the front of the house. It was currently raining, with October coming to an end and the winter approaching, it would also be quite cold.

"We can stay inside if you want to." He said when I didn't answer. I looked over to him and nodded.

When I helped Emily clean up everything, Sam had called Paul over to the front porch to talk. I knew it was none of my business, but I so badly wished I knew what they were talking about. What it was that me and Emily were not allowed to hear. I hated myself for being so nosey. I had never been like that. But I guess I had never been a lot of things that Paul had made me be.

When he came back, Emily grabbed her coat and purse and waved us good bye as she and Sam went off to do the grocery shop for the upcoming week. Before they left, Sam had told us to behave which had made me go bright red in the face, much to Paul's amusement.

We went into my room, and sat down on the bed. The silence was here again. Paul seemed deep in thought, his brow furrowed, eyes serious and his lips slightly puckered as he sat on the side of my bed, looking out of the window.

"What are you thinking about?"

He looked back over his shoulder at me now. He smiled slightly before looking back towards the window.

"Nothing much."

"What did you and Sam talk about? Was it Victoria?" The question just slipped out, I had instant regret of even asking. It was none of my business.

He nodded. "That was one of the things."

"Is she somewhere near?" A shiver went down my spine at the thought of it, at the thought of being face to face with the same red eyes again. I guess he felt me shaking for a split second, as he turned around, now sitting cross-legged in front of me. He took my hands in his.

"You're safe. I've told you. If she ever steps near you again, I'll rip her head off myself." His grip around my hands tightened as his shook slightly. He closed his eyes as his teeth clenched together.

"Breathe." I whispered to him, making him open his eyes. Anger and confusion prevalent in them.

"I know you seem to have problems with your anger. I've been there too." I said, still keeping my voice low. "Breathing helps." I shrugged. His squeeze around my hands loosened as he still looked into my eyes.

"Do it with me." I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath in through my nose and out through my mouth. I felt his breath on my face as he copied what I did. I opened my eyes and smiled as he sat there in front of me, his eyes closed. He had stopped shaking now. His shoulders weren't as tense anymore.

When he was totally relaxed he opened his eyes and looked at me. "Thanks."

I smiled and nodded. "Just remember that from now on."

He smiled again, before it faded. His eyes turning serious again. "Look, we need to talk."

I looked at him seriously as he let go of my hands. I nodded at him.

"Let's talk."

a/n: this is kinda a filler. sorry if some chapters are shorter than others, I've decided I'm much more motivated to write if i don't worry about whether a chapter is long enough or not. also omg thanks again for all the love you've been showing!!! 🖤