wilderness | paul lahote

{13}

The car ride to the beach seemed to last forever, even though it had only taken us about 10 minutes total. He took me to the First Beach. A place I had been to before in my childhood, with my parents, and during the time when my uncle had still been a good human. I had pictures of this place. Of my parents, laying on the sand during summer. And of me, running along the shoreline, my little feet splashing the water around.

We parked at the lot. The whole drive here had been silent, yet electricity filled the air. It seemed as if whenever we were together in a room, the tension grew intensively. It was mixed with good and bad. And just like Paul, you never knew which to expect.

He got out of the car first, walking over to the passenger side and opening the door for me as well. "Being a gentleman, I see." I said as a smirk grew on his face again. He went over to the trunk and took out a wooden weaved basket and a blanket. "What's this?"

"Emily and Sue packed us some lunch." He casually said, as he slammed the trunk closed and walked over to me. "Shall we go?" He said as he motioned towards the beach with his hand. I nodded. Confused on when Emily and Sue had time to do all of this. And why.

We walked on the beach, my sneakers full of sand and sat down on one of the white driftwood benches. The beach had been fairly empty, with only a family walking along the shoreline and some teenagers sitting further away on the beach.

Paul laid the blanket down in front of us, taking out the food from the basket. Grapes, sandwiches, strawberries, sodas and chips. He handed me one of the drinks, taking the other for him. There was silence again as we sat there, listening to the waves crashing against the wood and the rocks. The wind tousled my hair into every direction. I felt his eyes on me again, burning through me.

"What are you looking at?" I whispered, still not taking my eyes off the gray waters.

"You." He said. "You're beautiful."

My stomach flipped. Hearing him say that gave me mixed feelings. I loved it, yet I hated it. It frustrated me. I was quiet. I heard him sigh.

"So why did you bring me here?" I asked, trying to get the topic to somewhere else.

"I wanted to get to know you more." I looked at him now, his serious eyes never left me as he ate the strawberries. He looked handsome in the misty light that the sun had created from behind the thick layer of clouds. I had wondered how he hadn't been cold, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and cut off jeans.

"I'm not all that interesting," I told him, popping a grape into my mouth, trying to focus on what he had to say, rather than his good looks. Everything about him made it hard for me to stay away.

"To me you are," he said, taking a sip of his drink. "You've been interesting to me ever since you arrived here."

I didn't understand that. I remembered how he had stormed out that morning he first met me. How he had told Emily and Sam, that it's weird to take a stranger in, which I had agreed with. I remembered how angry he had gotten that day when we were alone in the kitchen. Nothing in that told me he had been interested in me, yet here he was, stating just that.

"You confuse me, you know that?" I whispered. His face turned serious again. I looked away towards the water again.

I spoke again when he didn't say anything. "You're hot one day, then cold the next. You seem to like me, then you hate me. I just don't understand you. I don't know what game you're playing and I'm not sure if I want part of that."

I looked at him now. His expression serious, his brow furrowed. He looked away now. "I'm not playing any game," he said lowly. He looked like he was looking for words to say. I popped a few grapes into my mouth, waiting nervously. He was either going to get angry, or say something that would confuse me even more. I wasn't sure if I was ready for either of those options.