wilderness | paul lahote

{07}

We all ate together, at the small rounded table, with Jared and Jacob telling the occasional jokes, Emily telling the boys off for hogging too much food, and Sam talking to Embry about a basketball game I didn't know much about. Paul stayed silent for most of the time, picking his food, not paying attention to anything nor anyone. He seemed deep in his thought.

I threw a few glances at the boy sitting in front of me. Even though he gave off the vibe of not particularly liking me, I was oddly drawn to him, and I was uncertain whether it had been a good or a bad thing.

After we had done eating, Emily started doing the dishes, but insisted I rest when I had offered her my help. I obliged. I was tired, mentally and physically.

I went out the back door of the house, to the small patio that had been covered with pots of flowers and different herbs. The air of the autumn evening was chilly. I put my hood up over my head and shoved my hands into the pockets of my hoodie, taking a seat on the small steps that looked out into the forest.

My mind was racing to every corner. Thinking about what had happened - my dad, and how much I missed him. About my mum, and wishing she was okay. And my uncle, who I had grown to hate throughout the years. I missed the feeling of family, and tonight, being here with everyone had reminded me of that.

Unwillingly my mind kept tracing back to Paul. He didn't like me, he didn't want me here. And it was understandable. I was a newcomer. I was an intruder. I understood completely why he had felt wary of me. Yet something inside of me made me feel anger and sadness for the whole situation.

As I sat there, lost in my mind, I heard someone walking up behind me and sitting next to me.

"Hi," Jacob said.

"Hi," I answered, smiling at him briefly before looking back at the forest. I felt good with Jacob. He was easy to get along with.

"You okay?"

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine," he said as he nudged my shoulder with his.

I wanted so badly to ask him about Paul, but I didn't want to seem desperate. I wanted myself to not care. If he didn't like me, good for him. But for some reason it was so hard to bring myself to that mindset.

"I just have a lot on my mind," There was some silence.

"You can always tell me." He said as he looked towards the forest too.

"Do you ever feel like you don't belong anywhere?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, sometimes." The mood changed in an instant, the gloominess taking over once more. I nodded.

I decided to change the subject, and ask the dreaded question. I figured that would be the only way I could get my mind at least a little straight.

"What's up with that Paul dude?"

I heard Jacob softly chuckle beside me. "What about him?"

"I don't know," immediate regret flooded my body for even asking about him. "He doesn't seem to like me much." I scrunched up my nose in embarrassment. I didn't care about his opinion. Or at least, that's what I'd told myself.

"Don't worry. Its Paul. You never understand what goes around in that head of his," I looked over at him, as he smiled. As if thinking about some sort of inside joke.

We were interrupted by a pair of footsteps walking over to the porch behind us. I glanced over my shoulder to see none other than Paul standing there, his emotion still cold. I hoped so much he hadn't heard our conversation.

"Jacob, can I talk to you?" He said, as we both got up.

"Sure."

Paul glanced towards me, his eyes catching me off guard again. Each time the feeling got deeper, as did the confusion. I so badly wanted to know what his deal was, but I couldn't find the courage. I thought about what Jacob said, and decided I shouldn't worry as much about not being accepted by Paul. The butterflies had been inevitable, though.

I walked upstairs to the room I was staying in and decided to unpack my things from my bags. I opened up the window that faced the small backyard of the house, to let in some of the fresh breeze.

As I was getting my clothes out, I heard voices that had gotten evidently louder.

"Don't you have your leech lover to take care of?" Paul growled, almost yelling.

"She was safe," Jacob said, a lot calmer than Paul. "I was there. It's not like I left her alone. And no, I haven't heard from Bella." He sneered.

I went over to close the window. Everything about Paul confused me. He seemed to have hated me. Every inch of his being gave off the vibe of me not being welcomed here, yet he had cared whether or not I'd been safe.

I lay down on my bed, in the midst of all my scattered belongings, with my equally as scattered mind and closed my eyes.

You don't care, Ari. I reminded myself. He's just another boy.

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a/n: ugh short chapter sorry if this sucks. i really struggled with ideas for this one. i'm working on other chapters as we're speaking tho! also wanted to say i appreciate every one of you who are enjoying this so far. feedback is always welcome!