wilderness | paul lahote

{14}

He was there, sitting next to me. His warmth radiating out into a colourful aura, surrounding us. Never in my life had I felt so comfortable. So at peace with where I was. 

It had been a week since Paul and I had our - what Jared had called a date - on the beach. The boys had all been quite busy, alongside with Sam, but whenever I had the chance to see Paul, he always kept close.

Everyone had been on edge today. Emily was worried, even though she didn't say anything about it when I had asked, I could see it in her eyes. Sam had been more serious than I'd ever seen him. And Jacob, out of all of them, Jacob was the most wrecked. His eyes tired, not smiling once. His brow furrowed, sitting tensely behind the table. It was dead silent, as everyone sat there, seemingly thinking about something I didn't know about. 

From the corner of my eye I could see Paul looking at me, with his head he motioned for me to follow him into the backyard. I didn't hesitate once, desperate to be close to him again. 

He was as serious as the others had been. His ebony eyes anxious as he looked at me. Yet his gaze held so much passion. One thing that I had learned this week - the passion had only been there whenever he looked at me. I didn't know what he felt towards me, and even though I was still confused out of my mind, I hadn't asked any questions. 

We stood there in the backyard, looking at each other, not saying anything. He was the first to break our gaze, staring at the forest now, his face turned angrier. 

"Can you promise me one thing, Ari?" His voice was cautious. I nodded, realizing quickly he wasn't looking at me. 

"Yes." I whispered. Unsure of what the promise would be, and if I could keep it. I had already broken the promises I had made myself. 

He looked back at me, his eyes burning into mine. "Promise me you won't go to the forest alone." 

I squinted my eyes and furrowed my brow in confusion. I loved the forest and for the past week not a morning had gone by where I hadn't taken a walk through the thick woods, to the beach and back. Not once during this week had he warned me about that, why now. 

"Why?" I asked. He looked frustrated.

"Look, it's dangerous out there." He said, raising his tone now. "The last thing I need is for you to get hurt." 

"Paul, I've been taking walks in the forest for the entire week. Alone. Why do you suddenly care now?" I stepped closer to him, motioning my hand towards the woods that surrounded us. 

He had grown even more frustrated, his hands curled into fists on both sides of his body. His breathing got heavier. "Ariah, I'm not going to ask you again." His tone laced with warning. "Stay out of the woods." 

I sighed, frustrated and defeated. I had nothing more to do but oblige and stick to his promise. As much as I disliked the idea of being stuck in the house from now on until God knows how long, I had no power against Paul's persuasion. 

I looked at him once more, now angry with him for keeping me from the one thing that had helped me breathe and have some alone time, before turning back towards the house and walking to my room, slamming the door behind me. 

I fell down on my bed and groaned. Nothing stood in the way of me and my thoughts now that I was in this room alone. I wished for my mother to be there, to help me calm down, as she had always done after my father's passing. I decided to close my eyes and breathe, but even that didn't help. I didn't know why or how I had gotten so angry at this simple promise I had been asked to keep. But somehow I did, and I had no way of changing it. 

I sat up on my bed and decided to do something I had not done in years, yet it was something I had felt I needed to do in that moment. 

I took out my sketchbook from the backpack I had stored under my bed, ripped out a paper and searched through the same bag for a pen, that I had thankfully found.