Walls

Chapter 1- Habits

Some turn to drugs, others run, some build walls a million miles tall, but we all have one thing in common. We're just trying to numb the pain the world inflicts on us.

Taylor's POV

I stand in my dressing room preparing to go on stage. Tonight is the last night of the Red tour. I slip off my clothing and stand in the mirror. I am digsuted by what looks back at me. My stomach protrudes and thighs are gigantic. I can pinch the fat on my hips. I'm repulsive. It's a wonder Ed or anyone else can possibly like me, let alone love me. Though I'm not so sure about that anymore. Ed hasn't let those words spill over his lips in months and every time I walk into a room where my band and crew are the room goes painfully silent. It seems I'm the topic of lots of conversation these days. They're probably talking about the same things I'm thinking about. How painfully disgusting I am.

I'm on my way to having the perfect body though. Soon every tabloid will be saying "Look how skinny she's gotten". Ed will be so proud to be with me because I'll be beautiful. I'll be everything he's ever wanted a girl to be.

My trance is broken when the tour manager walks into my dressing room. Without knocking of course, a thing that bothers me to no end.

"Do you want some food before you go on? You'll need the energy." These were the words he asked every person on the tour every night.

"No I'm okay."

"Taylor really you should eat." He rebuttals.

"I'm okay I ate earlier promise." I smile at him.

He glances at me skeptically before accepting my lie and leaving. I hate lying, but I can't let anyone see what I'm doing. It'll ruin everything. I button up my white blouse and tie my keds. I grab my hat and walk out of my dressing room. I head to communal green room and all eyes flicker to me. As per usual the conversation stops. I dismiss it and go have a seat in the far corner of the room.

It was like high school all over again. Only these people were meant to be my friends.

"So I think we're all gonna go to that amazing restaurant we ate at when we got here. You down for it Tay?" Grant asks.

"I uh...I'm not sure, I'm pretty tired."

"Whatever taylor, it doesn't matter." Amos quickly says. His voice is twinged with harshness. It was seeming that Amos was done with me at the moment.

I ponder it a second. They did have really great drinks which always help calm the demons in my head. Maybe I would come. It didn't comply with my squeaky clean image, but I've already tried to be everything they wanted me to be. But it has never been good enough so I just stopped trying. After all they made me this way. They put these thoughts in my head and drove me to my habits. 

They are the reason food is never in my stomach for more then an hour. They are the reason I hate the feeling of being full. They are the reason that I hate myself the way I do.

"Actually I guess I'm down to get some drinks." I finally say. 

"Yas!" Cait and Liz scream.

One of the people who works on the tour comes padding into the greenroom. "5 minutes guys. Taylor we need you at the lift now."

I get up and walk back with him. I shake as I get up and stand on the lift. There are hunger pains in my stomach but I push them all away and start singing as I'm highered onto stage. 

The first bit of the show passes by in a flash. Soon I'm doing the speech right before mean.

"You know Singapore, the reason I love you guys is because you are so incredibly nice. I mean you spent your hard earned money and came here to hang out with me on a tuesday night. In life sometimes we run in the people who just really try to make us feel bad, and sometimes those people can even be our friends, but I hope you know that you are not what they say about you. You are how you treat other people. So when people try to hurt you, just shake it off because all they are is... Mean."

The show finishes soon leaving me behind a Red curtain wishing I didn't have to say goodbye to this wonderful tour.

A/n: So if you're wondering why everything about this story has changed I will explain. It was brought to my attention that the original chapter of this story greatly resembled another fanfic. I went and reread the first chapter of hers and realized that was true. I guess after I read hers, when I was writing mine I wound up using a lot of her ideas for that I'm very sorry. I've changed everything about this story to make  it 100% my own so I hope you enjoy it :)