Walls

Chapter 3- Medicine

Everyone copes differently when they think someone they love is in trouble. Some deny it and push the person away, some try their best the drag it out of the person, and someone simply keep going as if nothing is happening.

Taylor's POV

I walk into my apartment, bags in hand. By the time I get in it's 3 am which means it about 11 in LA where Ed is. I open my phone and go to his contact.

Hey I just got in from Singapore. Wanna talk for a bit?

Instead of responding he calls me. I walk to my room and lay down on my bed and then answer.

"Hey." I say.

"Hey. So guess what?"

"What?"

"I'm coming home tomorrow!"

My heart shatters. I haven't lost nearly any weight, he can't be coming home tomorrow.

"Wow that's great." I lie.

"Well I have to pack, so see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." I hang up.

I go and change. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm hideous. I throw on my clothes and then go to bed.

The night is full of terrifying dreams. Dreams of people finding out about my secret. And just dreams where I saw myself in all my horribleness.

I wake up at 12 and head straight to my bathroom. I remove my shorts and tank top that I slept in last night. I do everything I can to avert my eyes from the mirror, but i catch quick glances of my self. I pick out every flaw, something I often did. I finally tear my glance from my reflection and walk to my running shower.

When I'm done I dry off and put on a flowy blouse and some shorts. I quickly do my usual make up. I finish by putting on a headband and then I head out into the New York streets.

Luckily not too many fans see me, but I'm followed by dozens of paparazzi. I try to force a smile on my face, but I just want them to go away. I don't want to be wearing shorts, but it's super hot. I spend hours hearing vulgar things being screamed at me.

"Hey Taylor, when does your breakup song about Ed come out?"

"Hey taywhore, got someone you wanna tell everyone, looks like you've gained some weight?"

"Taylor, you're looking awfully skinny, what are you, anorexic?"

I've had enough. I run in to the next store I see and sneak away to the bathroom.

Right there in that stall, I break down. Tears stream down my face as I hyperventilate. My body shakes and I get that "I might throw up" feeling you get when you try.

After 10 minutes of sobbing I pull myself together. I reapply concealer and eyeliner. I tie it all together with a smile and go out and get in my car. The driver begins driving and I listen to my music.

 Silent tears slowly stream down my face. I look out upon the streets as we drive to my apartment. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of my own thoughts. I just want it all to stop. And it probably would if I could just be perfect. 

When I go home I run to my bathroom and find my sleep pills. I take two and get in bed. I need to just sleep away this terrible day.