Complicated (Pearlmethyst fanfic)

Pre-preparation

Amethyst's POV
It's been a while since I've been here. It's not like something changed. Still this black little steel-made bench in front of the train rails. Platform 14. I sighed softly and looked how a plastic bag flew by. Being here, alone, calms me. Yet it makes me feel horrible.
If that makes any sense.
Why, exactly on the day I went to school again, did everyone decide to rub salt into my wounds? Why can't people just let it go already? It's my life, not theirs.
It's weird to be with Jasper again.. And Pearl just went to Greg. Greg. Why the hell did she go to fucking Greg?! And now we have that stupid project together. I should've convinced Yellow to put us in different pairs. But noooo, we're forced to work together now. Why did I say that we'd work on it today, at my house?! It's way too soon. I'll get emotional again and I'll hurt her. Again. It's not like I don't wanna hurt her. But I also don't like to see her hurt.
If that makes any sense.
I looked at the place where an ol' classmate of mine, called Topaz, wanted to end her life. It's been a long time since I thought about her. This stuff with Pearl.. All the stuff with Pearl.. It just seems to make forget about Topaz. Maybe I even let it go.. I wonder how Topaz is. Maybe I should contact her. But what if she'll get some weird post-trauma's when she sees me or something? I definitely don't want that.
I remember how I could talk for ages about my guilt because of Topaz, and Pearl would've listened to it. I angrily wiped some tears away. I shouldn't fucking cry about it. I'm not that weak. I sighed and sat a little down, in a way Pearl would never sit.
"'You should straighten your back more, that's better for your body.' Pearl had said, 'You'll just damage yourself.'
'Because my back isn't straight?' I had asked, grinning, 'I've been sitting like this for ages, and mah body is still as good as new. Look, does my back look weird to ya?'
'You know what I mean, Ame. A straight back looks nicer. When your back is straight, you just look more.. How do you say that..-'
'I'm sorry my back isn't straight, P, it's just 'cuz I'm-'
'Don't turn this a gay pun.'"
I looked at my phone, seeing three missed calls of Jasper, but instead of paying attention to that, I looked at the time. I was sitting here for almost one hour and thirty minutes now. I want to cry. But I'm not going to cry in public. I shouldn't cry about Pearl anymore. I'm going to get over it, just forget about it.

Amethyst's POV
'I don't want to hear ya apologies, just come in.'
Pearl closed her mouth and I let her into the house.
'Look, because you are 30 minutes late,' I started, highly annoyed, 'We have 30 minutes less to work on the project.'
'I figured that out myself as well.' she said, also with a bit of annoyance in her voice and she followed me into the living room.
'Sit down.' I said and I didn't look at her. I walked towards the kitchen.
'Want a drink?' I asked. Why did I ask that?
'Oh. Er. T-tea please.' she stuttered.
I mean, it's good to be polite and ask her if she wants to drink something. Yeah, yeah, that was a mature thing of me. Without thinking, I made some Jasmine tea and brought it to her, only to notice her blushing slightly. Why is she blushing? I'm making this awkward again, am I? I tried to hide my self doubts and looked at her with some faked annoyance in my eyes.
'Don't ya have, like, pre-preparation?' I asked and I tried to sound irritated again.
'Pre-preparation?' she repeated, 'What do you mean with pre-preparation?'
I couldn't move my tongue and the only thing I got out of my mouth were weird frustrated noises. There was a silence.
'Are you doing alright?' she asked, frowning.
'Couldn't be fucking better.'
She rolled her eyes and started talking about some idea she had about the project. Even though I didn't hear what she said, it sounded like a wonderful plan. I couldn't focus. What the fuck. Why am I doing so strange again? Everything was fine at school. Now I'm just getting weird and confusing.
I looked at her face. Her lips opening and closing, saying words I kept forgetting right after I heard them, her eyes looking at me, her eyebrows were frowning, her hand waving in front of my face.
'Amethyst.' she said and I was back in reality. My eyes widened.
'Oh. Yeah, sounds cool.' I said, 'Sorry for my bad attention, I think I'm pretty tired. Haven't had much sleep these past days y'know.' I suddenly realized that the reason why I didn't sleep was Pearl, and she realized that as well. Shit.
I awkwardly cleared my throat. This silence hurt this time. I saw Pearl looking at her own hands, thinking and squeezing her eyes till they were closed. Pressure left when she exhaled.
'Look, Amethyst..' she started. Her voice was soft and calm, just hard enough for me to hear, with some "I don't even know why I'm trying" vibe in it. I kept quiet. Pearl was searching for words, while I was waiting patiently. I could've made a dick move and tell her to not take too much time, but I didn't.
'I'm sorry.' she then said, looking down, trying to show as less of her face as possible. I still didn't say anything. I didn't even notice how everything was quiet. The only thing I noticed was how bad Pearl actually felt. She chuckled softly, clearly hurt.
'I sure hope you will never experience how I felt.' she said, 'How I feel. I still feel bad. When Jasper..' she was searching for words again, '..Did what she did, I was really scared. Not only for me, but for you as well. I was afraid- I was afraid that something would happen to you anyways. And when I went to tell you.. I wasn't thinking. Everything I did was stupid. I'm sorry. I don't blame you for not believing me.'
The silence hurt again. Pearl quickly wiped some tears away. Again, she chuckled through her pain.
'I'm sorry for crying, heh.' she said and I saw her smile, 'I think I should leave. Is it okay if we work on this later? I'll make sure I have a better "pre-preparation".' She quickly drank her tea and got up.
'Thank you for letting me in, though.' she said, 'I can only imagine how mad you are. I honestly didn't think you would invited me at your home.' she continued, walking towards the door, 'Now if it's okay with you, I'll leave. I suppose I'll see you tomorrow at school. I hope you'll have a nice evening.'
'Wait.' I said, before she went through the door. She stopped and turned around to look at me, waiting till I continued.
'Are you lying?' I asked. She looked a bit confused.
'What do you mean?'
'Are you lying?' I repeated, 'About what happened with "Jasper". Is that really what happened?'
The sides of her lips went up a little, making a really soft smile. Her eyes looked at me, not believing that I actually asked that. The silence was longer than I expected. What was she thinking? Is she thinking of a lie again? Is she just not believing I'm so stupid that I actually ask her if she's lying? Or is she just so confused because she literally spoke from the bottom of her heart some seconds ago, yet I still question it.
'Of course I'm not lying.' she said softly, her voice unstable as if she was about to cry, 'Jasper.. Touched me after class, and I let her do it so she won't tell everyone about your sexuality. Again, I understand you don't believe me.'
There was a silence again.
'I'll leave.' she said, 'Have a nice evening, Amethyst.'