I Love You Ms. J!

Chapter 1: Boyish Looks

           

My name is Jessica, and even though it might not seem like it, I'm actually a girl. Ever since I started University, people have been mistaking me for a boy. It's kind of a new sensation for me. When I was in High School, I was sort of a plain girl. I wouldn't say I was ugly or pretty, but somewhere in the middle. There wasn't anything remarkable about me, other than I was unremarkable. So I guess I stopped trying. I was the type of girl who wore tights under her uniform's skirt.

I got really sick my second year of High School and had to spend a few months at home. To make it easier on me, I cut my hair short. I suppose that's when I really stopped caring about how I looked. When I came back to school no one seemed to care one way or another, and I just finished out my time in school looking like that.

I was really happy when I finally got accepted into Loyola University. No more uniforms, I could dress how I wanted. When I'm at home I often steal my younger brother's clothes, even if they are fashionable for guys. But they feel more comfortable than some of my normal clothes so I don't care. I kept the trend alive when I went to classes.

Then I started hearing girls gossip. "Who's that guy with the cute face." "Even if he's a bit small he's my type." "I wonder if he has a girlfriend." Looking back I know it was stupid that I didn't realize it before, but they were talking about me. When I heard those things, I'd even look around to see who they were talking about.

My world of ignorance shattered one day when after a lecture one of my classmates asked me to stay behind. I didn't really understand why until she nervously worked up the courage to tell me she liked me. It was embarrassing, for both of us. When I told her I was a girl, she was mortified. She asked me never to tell anyone, like I would brag about something like that. But she wasn't the last person.

After a while I realized I seemed pretty popular with the girls in my classes. I guess I make a better boy than a girl. I had put two-and-two together by this point, but it was nice getting attention. I wouldn't tell them I was a girl until things got weird or if I was directly asked, then I'd play it off as if they should have already known.

After my first two months I thought maybe it was time I stop wearing boys clothes. I had gotten confessions from three girls and it was getting really weird. The school was about to take a few days break and I had decided that in between that time, I would stop borrowing my brother's clothes.

On the day before the break, I was taking Lunch in a public student area. A girl I didn't know took a seat next to me and started to unwrap a Lunch box. I didn't think anything of it, as she just seemed to be hungry, but then she started chatting with me.

"At my old high school they would let us eat on the roof."

That was her opening line. I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I went with a noncommittal nod.

"I guess the building is too high for that sort of thing. Still, it would be nice." She paused to take a bit from her lunch, then introduced herself. "I'm Bella, by the way."

" Jessica." I told her automatically.

She looked confidant in herself as she ate beside me, and I started to feel the aura of the situation start to change. I hadn't noticed before, but she was dressed up. Not in a flashy sort of way, but dressed up casually enough so that she was showcasing her best. Her hair was perfect, and the way she was eating was delicate. When I realized this, I also saw the confidence that I thought she was displaying earlier was more like frozen panic. The reason it felt so weird was that she was nervous and was trying to hide it. I inwardly moaned as I realized that she might be another girl trying to make hit on me.

"You're dressed nice. Is it for a job or project or something?" I blurted it out. I was hoping she'd say yes and I was just panicking for no reason.

"Dressed nice? You think so?" Bella smiled slightly, but didn't look rattled, even if her eyes gave her away.

I rubbed the back of my neck. I do that a lot when I get nervous. "Uh... yeah. I wish I could get away dressed like that."

I thought I was giving her a subtitle hint, but instead she looked up in surprised and started giggling. Then almost as if she tried to reel back her laugher she covered her mouth. But she looked less nervous now. "You're funny."

I wasn't trying to be. I'm a girl. Is what I wanted to tell her. But the image of the three girls I rejected before still was fresh in my mind, and I really didn't want to hurt Bella's feelings. So I tried a different tact.

"I don't know if I am. In high school I wasn't that popular. I was pretty much of a boring person, not one ever noticed me. I guess that's why university is great. You can start over with a clean slate."

"I-I..." Bella was looking down at her Lunch box. "I wasn't all that popular in high school either."

I found that hard to believe. "Really? You look like a fashion model though."

"Yeah, I guess..." Bella wasn't making eye contact with me, but I saw her face become flush. I really stepped into it by complimenting her. "But I went to an all-girls school so I didn't stand out."

If she went to an all-girls school, shouldn't she be able to tell that I'm a girl? This was getting painful. The longer this went on, the more embarrassed Bella would get.

"Bella, was it? I think you should know something about me."

"Yes?"

She was looking up at me now, her eyes looking into mine. Even my heart skipped a beat in that moment. This really was going to awkward.