I Love You Ms. J!

Chapter 23: We can't be together again!

           

"W-We can't be together." I stammered, I couldn't look into her eyes. Even now if I did she could persuade me to change my mind.

"Why not?"

"Because you don't love me, you just don't want to be alone."

Bella's eyebrows lowered. "That's not true! How can you say that to me?" I stepped away. Her faced softened and desperation replaced anger. "No. Don't leave me. Please. Even if we're just friends, I want to be with you."

"I...I can't be friends with you Bella." I swallowed the lump in my throat. Despite my best efforts a tear was rolling down my cheek. "You're too much of a temptation to me. If we were friends I'd... I'd give into you again."

"And what's wrong with that?" Bella advanced as I stepped back again. "Am I so terrible that you can't even talk to me?"

"Stop making this difficult." I whimpered.

"I'm fighting for us, Jessica. Can't you see that?"

"N-No, you're fighting for you..." I stammered out. "You want me to be like her. That's why, you kept dressing me up. I-I figured it out. You always liked her more than me, and when she dumped you, you thought you'd just find your second choice."

"S-Stop lying." It was Bella's turn to cry. "I'm not like that. Your friends are just filling your head was nonsense."

"So then why can't you answer me truthfully about her? You did love her, didn't you?"

"No!" Bella shouted, but it was a lie. It read plainly on her face. She pressed her hands to her mouth after she said it, seeing my reaction. "No... no..."

"Please. Stop doing this to me, Bella."

Bella lowered her head looking defeated. "Why won't you love me?"

"That's the problem, Bella, I do love you. You just don't love me back." I croaked then walked away. She didn't follow me.

I left campus, needing to be alone after all of that. Bella had broken my heart again. Somehow it didn't hurt as much as before. Maybe it was because Aiko had been preparing me for it. Nevertheless it did hurt. It really felt official now. Bella didn't even run after me.

I thought about going to the park where I had my first date with Bella, to wallow in my grief, but then I felt that I wanted to torture myself some more by going to the other park where I met Deanna. So I headed there. When I arrived I looked at the swing set we both had sat on, and took the set I did before. I hated my life.

"Oh. It's you again."

I looked up. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I had wished for Deanna to show up. I don't know why, but when I thought about torturing myself, I had picture her on the swing next to me, as if she lived here. So my wish had come true. She took the swing next to me and the two of us looked at each other. She looked just as broken as I felt.

"She tried to get back together with me just now." I told her.

"I knew she would." Deanna looked down at her feet. "You said no, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"That must have been tough." Deanna sniffed, clearly trying not to cry.

But the two of us couldn't fight it. We sat together crying in silence like some pathetic loser club. But after a long while I had to know something. "May I ask you something? Why did you break up with her?"

Deanna stopped crying for a moment and looked as if she were thinking about it. "You won't believe me."

"Try me."

"I broke up with her because... because I couldn't get your face out of my mind-"

"-because I was the other woman. Yeah." I concluded for her.

"No, that's not it. Because of how... how much she hurt you." Deanna sniffed again. "That day your heart was so broken. I kept thinking 'If she could do that to her, then she'll do it to you. She already cheated on you once, what's to stop her from doing it again?' And after I thought that, I couldn't think of anything else. I don't think we even lasted a week after she dumped you."

"She loved you, though."

"Maybe." Deanna wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"I know she did." I said, then told her everything I figured out earlier.

Deanna listened without interrupting, then when I had finished explaining myself she was silent, absorbing everything in. I wondered if she was thinking about going back to Bella. I couldn't blame her, Bella was so beautiful and her eyes were so addicting.

"Thank you for telling me that." Deanna said after a moment. "But I don't want to date someone who screws with people's hearts."

I sighed and started to swing, letting the air dry my cheeks. "We're just a couple of idiots then."

"Yeah."