I Love You Ms. J!

Chapter 5: I don't know yet!

           

           

"What do you mean, 'you're a girl'? I don't get it."

I finally said it. Bella let go of my hand when I told her so she could cover her mouth which was open in shock. I wanted to run away. I can't believe I let this go on for this long, this is all my fault.

"I didn't mean to trick you... but I couldn't figure out a way to tell you."

Pathetic excuse. I knew she was going to cry or slap me or... I don't know, run away and scream that she hated me. What would I do if it were me?

"I... I guess you did try and tell me."

A surprising response. I didn't expect that. "Bella, I-" But I didn't have anything to say to that and her name lingered in the air.

"I must look really stupid now."

"No you don't."

"How can I not?" Bella's bottom lip quivered. Why was I noticing her bottom lip? "Are you sure you're a girl?"

"I can prove it to you if you don't believe me." I spoke mainly out of sarcasm.

"Okay."

Again, I didn't expect that. Now I was nervous. In sarcasm I was meaning I'd strip naked and show her the evidence, but that was just a joke. There's no way I'd do that for real. Maybe she'd be satisfied if I let her touch my chest... or what little there was of that. Since we were in a public park I wasn't too keen on having a girl grope me in front of everyone.

"C'mon."

I pulled her hand and lead her to an area that was largely secluded and filled with big trees. I took her behind one, and suddenly felt a wave of nerves.

Was I really going to do this? Bella looked expecting. I bit the bottom of my lip and pulled Bella's hand up my shirt and let her feel my bra. I couldn't look her in the eyes as I felt her hand first cup my breast then squeeze it to make sure. Then she withdrew her hand.

Silence. Dead, cold, awkward silence. I wanted to die. Bella probably wanted the same thing.

"You really are a girl, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"It's kinda hard to fake that..." Bella went on. "Unless..."

"Oh c'mon, I know it's not much, but they're real." I blustered out embarrassed.

Bella lowered her eyebrows. "I should have known. You're too pretty to be a boy. I'm such a moron."

"Well if you're a moron then everyone else who asked me out is one too." I shot back.

"Why do you dress like this?" Bella demanded.

"I wasn't trying to fool anyone. I just dress like this 'cause it's comfortable. But it started to become a problem. I decided that when school break happened, I'd go and buy some proper girls clothes. But... well..."

"Yeah." Bella nodded. "I guess I understand now."

"I'm sorry."

"There's one thing I don't get. Why did you say you'd go on a date with me?"

I didn't really know how to answer that. So I just decided I'd be honest.

"I didn't want to make you sad... after you gathered up all your courage to confess to me."

Bella turned away for a moment. I didn't know if she was mad or not. But I was glad the truth was finally out there. I just hoped she wasn't the vengeful type and start spreading rumors about me. What a mess.

"You're a nice person after all." Bella sighed and leaned her back against the tree. Then, once again she caught me off guard. "Have you ever dated a girl before?"

"No." I quickly said. "I'm straight."

"Are you?" Bella was looking at me with those soul piercing eyes again. "I used to go to an all-girl high school, you know. Girl's love isn't foreign to me. I'm not offended by that sort of thing."

"I've never gone out with a girl before." I restated. Of course I've never gone out properly with a boy either, but that was beside the point. I'm in uni now, that's too embarrassing to admit.

"You know... you were way nicer to me than you needed to be. You could have just took me out and left it at that. But you were sweet and complimented me... called me pretty."